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Are you sure your son's problems are all mental health related and not partly drug related? The sneaking out makes me wonder if drugs are involved.
Sometimes it's hard for anyone to see the difference in behavior. Also, it's not uncommon for children with mental health issues to get involved in drugs.
Your state might have better laws that allow for you to receive help in dealing with him if his behavior is related to illegal drug use.
I wonder this, too. he's been tested many times, random drug screens, always come up negative, but sometimes those tests don't get at everything. Just the other night I noticed a funny look in his eyes, hard to describe.
He is under the care of a psychiatrist, perhaps I could ask him for more involved drug testing.
From your description he does seem to be very very dangerous. I would not be able to overpower my teenaged sons. They are both much stronger than I am.
Is he in school? Have you been able to record any of his outbursts on a video camera (even with a phone)? Maybe you could bring those to the police or the hospital to show them what one of his outbursts look like.
He sounds pretty scary to me. What does your husband say?
We have an appt next week to see the psychiatrist again (he was just seen last week). They won't prescribe anything over the phone, and the soonest we can get in is next week. That's part of the frustration, I'm being told to do this and that, but time and money are constraints I have to work with, too.
However, there are once/day meds, or sometimes even once/month injectables, we could discuss that.
I have recorded his outbursts, they won't look at them because of HIPPA.
Oh, but yes, the meds do seem to help, when he takes them. I think what we're seeing is a withdrawl when he doesn't.
Have you talked to the probation officer and told him everything?
Have you talked to the school district? A few years ago my young relative's school district paid for her to go to an out-of-state residential school for troubled girls.
Yes, the probation officer is kept informed, all they do is have him come in and sign contracts, like he will obey the law, etc.
The school is aware of his problems, but we could try to see if he could qualify for out-of-state residential treatment. Thanks for the suggestion, I don't want to sound like I'm downing every suggesiton, but with all the budget cutbacks I doubt they would fund something like that, but worth a try.
I think you said this in a tone of saracasm, but you don't know how much I do love this child.
I see his struggles, his pain, his struggles to fit in socially, academically, I ache for him. I watch him go out the door every day and wish I could run after him and help, but he has to face the world on his own now.
Don't presume to second guess someone's emotions just because they express frustration.
Marylee, I'm the one who said look for the advocacy groups. If you love this boy: FIGHT FOR HIM. Do whatever you need to do. I know you are sick and tired. Take a nap, get up, hit the computer and find someone who can help you!
Google is your friend. Type in combinations of words. Free legal advice. Free child counselng. Pro bono legal work. Parents with psychotic children. Parents with unruly children. Counseling groups for parents at their wits end. Boot camp scholarships. Military academy scholarships. Children and knives. Help for adoptive parents. Bleeding Hearts for children who need counseling. Free psychiatric help for parents at the end of their ropes.
Think! Use your noggin! Look at websites. Look at the bottom and see who they're sponsored by. You've started the process by coming here. Expand it. Dig.
I think alot of us are naive about how often problems like this arise in our communities. Distraught parents are at their wits ends with dangerous children. The system so many times fails them. Those of us without experience find it too easy to say"why don't you do this and this and this"
I know we are trying to help but really to berate this mother cause she has exhausted all her insurance, money and what she sees as her options is not doing her any good.
Our systems are not set up to help everybody out, especially young people with mental health issues. I've read her other threads and this son has caused a great deal of frustration and anxiety for her and her family. Offer her concrete advice and don't castigate her for being frustrated when she hears she ought to do so and so when she tells us she has already done that.
Read the papers folks. There are endless stories about horrible crimes committed on parents and families of these troubled young people. Do you think all these families hadn't tried some form of therapy or supervision or anything before it got so bad?
I have no answers for this Mom. I can't even imagine living life this way. But I'm not gonna throw rocks at her for being afraid and frustrated and exhausted either.
Thanks
Please, folks, concrete advice is truly appreciated, but just to say why don't you do this and that, and in the same breath admit you've never dealt with such a problem, isn't very helpful.
I'd still like to get back to the original post, what to do if the kid runs off again? I can't be expected to run down the street after him, and I can't be expected to stay awake all night to stand guard over him. I still think my idea of simply locking the door is the best, it forces the issue. So he calls the police, so what? and from what, we've deactivated his cell phone. let him explain to the police WTH he's doing outside at 3 am when he has a 7 pm curfew?
My uncle many years ago had a similar problem. he locked his kid outside, without a stitch of clothing. he told him if he didn't want the neighbors to see his hiney when the sun came up, he could apologize and act right, otherwise he was out there for all to see. hey, it worked! that was also about 30 years ago, nowdays it would be considered child abuse.
Does he have asperghers? Sorry, I'm joining in late on this discussion. The trauma you describe sounds very similar to someone close to me went through when ds went through the teen years. It gets better. The key word is respect. They crave respect. They need to find a niche that gets them that respect.
Marylee, I'm the one who said look for the advocacy groups. If you love this boy: FIGHT FOR HIM. Do whatever you need to do. I know you are sick and tired. Take a nap, get up, hit the computer and find someone who can help you!
Google is your friend. Type in combinations of words. Free legal advice. Free child counselng. Pro bono legal work. Parents with psychotic children. Parents with unruly children. Counseling groups for parents at their wits end. Boot camp scholarships. Military academy scholarships. Children and knives. Help for adoptive parents. Bleeding Hearts for children who need counseling. Free psychiatric help for parents at the end of their ropes.
Think! Use your noggin! Look at websites. Look at the bottom and see who they're sponsored by. You've started the process by coming here. Expand it. Dig.
I'm also fighting for myself, my dh and dd, who are all in danger from this kid. When you see your dh struggling with someone with a knife, well, it does something to you. When does solving his problems override our right to live peacefully in our own home?
Does he have asperghers? Sorry, I'm joining in late on this discussion. The trauma you describe sounds very similar to someone close to me went through when ds went through the teen years. It gets better. The key word is respect. They crave respect. They need to find a niche that gets them that respect.
he's being evaluated for it now, although you'd think they would have done so earlier. Its all "in progress" But it does sound like somehting to pursue. You'd think the RTC would have addressed that issue.
he's being evaluated for it now, although you'd think they would have done so earlier. Its all "in progress" But it does sound like somehting to pursue. You'd think the RTC would have addressed that issue.
I know this is an "out there" thought, but it may also be worth your while to look into paranoid schizophrenia. My niece is affected by PS and it is a very scary disorder- she sounds like your son.
Good luck and I do apologize for judging you in some of your earlier threads- I had no idea it was this horrible. I feel bad for you and for your son. Some kids are just born with brain defects and simply cannot help that. It is unfortunate.
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