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It sounds to me like your son needs to be in a mental health facility. He seems to be a danger to others. He sounds like he needs more than counseling. He needs to be under the care of a psychiatrist (a medical doctor not a counselor). At the very least you need him out of the house so he cannot harm you or the other members of your family.
I realize this costs money and you always push back when someone suggests something that costs money. However, your son is having a serious problem that will not go away without the right treatment. NOT counseling, a doctor. Most areas have programs for people who need help with medical bills. You have to research what is available in your area. This is something you need to FIND THE MONEY to handle.
He will not just get better if you are tough enough with him. He has become criminal because of this problem. You need to get serious. If you don't like the doctor on day ONE find another. Go through 20 of them until you find someone you trust but please find someone.
He is under the care of a psychiatrist. and I don't "push back" when someone suggests something that cost money, its simpl reality. Try this someday. Make an appt with a doctor, then tell them your insurance has run out and you don't have the funds to pay them. but tell them to simply connect you with a program that helps with medical bills. sure, that happens all the time, if you don't have the funds, it will be provided for you. BTW, did I mention we live in the USA, where medical costs are the leading cause of bnakruptcy? doctors don't work for free!
I know this is an "out there" thought, but it may also be worth your while to look into paranoid schizophrenia. My niece is affected by PS and it is a very scary disorder- she sounds like your son.
Good luck and I do apologize for judging you in some of your earlier threads- I had no idea it was this horrible. I feel bad for you and for your son. Some kids are just born with brain defects and simply cannot help that. It is unfortunate.
Thanks for the suggestion, oftentimes paranoid shizophrenia doesn't manifest itself until puberty, then oftentimes masquarades as something else, so its difficult to diagnosis. Its like aiming at a moving target.
Have you considered putting him in boarding school? It may come to that to protect your family for now. I realize $ is tight. I am not even saying a "special school". Frankly, that might upset him. Just a school so he can strike out on his own while still being under your legal custody. He may find the respect that he craves b/c he is being trusted to live somewhat independently. I'll never forget from a social studies unit about medieval England that at age 10, boys were allowed to leave their families and work on ships and sail to America and back.
Have you considered putting him in boarding school? It may come to that to protect your family for now. I realize $ is tight. I am not even saying a "special school". Frankly, that might upset him. Just a school so he can strike out on his own while still being under your legal custody. He may find the respect that he craves b/c he is being trusted to live somewhat independently. I'll never forget from a social studies unit about medieval England that at age 10, boys were allowed to leave their families and work on ships and sail to America and back.
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Most boarding shcools cost more than we make, gross/year.
We need to find a way to live with him and him with us that doesn't destroy either of us, financially, emotionally, or physically.
There has to be some kind of state psychiatric hospital that could diagnose him and treat him. I don't know a lot of specifics about mental illness, but I don't see how they could keep releasing him. This needs to be fixed whatever the cost. there has to be room to make cuts in your budget, starting with housing. Moving into a smaller rental would not only save you rent, but utilities and maintenance too. Maybe you could change to a different medical plan that covers more.
I take issue whenever someone tells me they can't afford something because it usually turns out to be a matter of priorities.
ETA - You seem to fall into the category of middle class that a lot of us do - you make too much money to qualify for help, but too little to pay for catastrophic medical bills. I absolutely sympathize with that!
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 03-03-2011 at 07:37 PM..
I don't have any answers for you Marylee, but I too am sorry for having given you grief in the past and I am saying a blessing for you and your family. I hope things work out and that someday you will have the wonderful relationship with your son that you dream of. Hang in there.
Our 14 ds has had many problems. he is currently on probation. One of the specifications of his probation is curfew at 7 pm. He delights in taunting us by leaving the house after that time, and returning whenever he pleases.
I haven't read all the responses here, so forgive me if I'm repeating something posted by someone else.
First and foremost.... your son is violating his probation. The solution? Report him to his probation officer AND to the judge who sentenced him. Tell the probation officer and the judge that you cannot control him and he is blatantly disrespecting you and the courts. They will take it from there. The cops (obviously) aren't going to do anything.
I'm not sure what state you're in but I can't imagine you having to pay for boot camp if it's court-ordered (even a portion of it). It just doesn't seem right. I'm not even sure if a boot camp would help him --- he's threatening you and your husband, etc?? That's a mental health issue so maybe you can get him in a psychiatric facility through the courts?
Is there a PINS program? (Persons In Need of Supervision)
I'm really sorry you and your husband are going through this.
There has to be some kind of state psychiatric hospital that could diagnose him and treat him. I don't know a lot of specifics about mental illness, but I don't see how they could keep releasing him. This needs to be fixed whatever the cost. there has to be room to make cuts in your budget, starting with housing. Moving into a smaller rental would not only save you rent, but utilities and maintenance too. Maybe you could change to a different medical plan that covers more.
I take issue whenever someone tells me they can't afford something because it usually turns out to be a matter of priorities.
ETA - You seem to fall into the category of middle class that a lot of us do - you make too much money to qualify for help, but too little to pay for catastrophic medical bills. I absolutely sympathize with that!
The "specifics" are that no one can be locked up forever, nor is that what we want. Most state mental hospitals have very limited time frames for treatment, usually 7-14 days. Then they are released, because they are no longer a threat to themselves and others. Well, how could they be if in a controlled environment? once released, they commit another dangerous act, and back they go, for another limited time period.
And no, there realy isn't any room to cut our budget without cutting essential needs for other family members, we have to live somehwere, eat somehow, etc. Getting cheaper insurance isn't an option, either, our options are limited, that's the reality of health care in America today.
The system isn't what people think it is, until they fall into its cracks.
Last edited by MaryleeII; 03-03-2011 at 08:12 PM..
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Most boarding shcools cost more than we make, gross/year.
We need to find a way to live with him and him with us that doesn't destroy either of us, financially, emotionally, or physically.
Frankly, your situation sounds dangerous and I don't know if you should live with him during this time -- you say he is pulling knives and cutting phone lines? This has red flags written allover it. I see from your posts that you live in Texas -- is there an English-language boarding school in Mexico that would be affordable that could take him??
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