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Before 16 "dating" is limited to school dances and come over and watch a movie, sit on the front porch or down by the river, or a walk in the woods is about as alone/private as they are going to get. They can come places with our family, just like any other friend of one of the kids. How can kids "date" when they cannot drive anyway?
16-18 group dating only, with very rare exceptions. Dances, prom. Home by 10:30 and we are told everywhere they will go, where they will stop, who will drive.
For the girls, the guy has to come ask dad before he can ask one of our girls out.
For the boys they are to go ask her dad. (Had to make an exception where there was no dad and the mom had been bugging him to ask her out for a while).
Even when the girls went off to college, they told their guys "You have to ask my dad, before you can ask me out."
Why don't you make your son's girlfriends ask you if it is ok that they date your sons???
For the girls, the guy has to come ask dad before he can ask one of our girls out.
For the boys they are to go ask her dad. (Had to make an exception where there was no dad and the mom had been bugging him to ask her out for a while).
Even when the girls went off to college, they told their guys "You have to ask my dad, before you can ask me out."
Wow. Why?
My own rule was the fellow had to come into the house and introduce himself to my parents. And with sons we made sure they did the same. I don't think I know any family where the dad has to give permission for the date itself. And in college? Where they are over 18 and cutting apron strings?
No one-on-one dating until high school.
If someone wants to drive you somewhere, I have to meet him (or her, this is not just for dating) first.
If he pulls into the driveway and honks, you are not going.
How can kids "date" when they cannot drive anyway?
Either a parent drives them, an older sibling drives them or they date someone a year or so older who's old enough to drive.
Even back in the Stone Age, I remember being 14 and going out with a boy (in a group) to a homecoming dance; the parents drove us to the restaurant, another parent drove us to the dance, and another picked us up when it was over and drove us home.
No one-on-one dating until high school.
If someone wants to drive you somewhere, I have to meet him (or her, this is not just for dating) first.
If he pulls into the driveway and honks, you are not going.
When my son started dating, that was something he NEVER would have done. We had seen a couple of television shows where the boy did that, drove up, honked, girl said bye to parents and then ran out the door. I believe that even before the start dating, we have opportunities to let our kids know what IS and is NOT acceptable.
When DD started dating (in college), her "boyfriend" pulled up and waited in the driveway. She was mortified, but said, "He's just really shy Mom, he said that most girls he's dated...their parents didn't like him!" I said, "Well, I know you're well over 18, but I want to see for myself, WHY parents don't like him."
Long story short, she found out the hard way WHY other girls' parents didn't like him. Get to know him and there's not too much to like.
Pulling up, txting...R U Ready..is not appropriate. It might be how some folks do it, but IMHO....completely inappropriate. What are you hiding? Clearly, manners.
All three of my boys began dating as sophomores in HS, and the girls were all + or - 1 year of them. The youngest, who has always been the one with his head on the straightest, very shortly decided he would not date any girl from his school. He hated the almost daily drama involved. He dated girls from other high schools.
I did the same when I was a teen. I saw all the drama going on at school. I didn't want other people involved in my business. Although I didn't make it a rule, my children did the same for the most part. It really takes the blow out of breaking up---people aren't taking sides, your entire school doesn't know the details, etc. Children who date classmates need to have super thick skin or love living drama because their entire world can change overnight due to everyone knowing their business.
I did the same when I was a teen. I saw all the drama going on at school. I didn't want other people involved in my business. Although I didn't make it a rule, my children did the same for the most part. It really takes the blow out of breaking up---people aren't taking sides, your entire school doesn't know the details, etc. Children who date classmates need to have super thick skin or love living drama because their entire world can change overnight due to everyone knowing their business.
Yes, this is the main reason that my kids didn't date much. They saw the drama the other kids went through, as well as the restrictions on outside friendships, once you were "exclusive" with someone. They didn't want to deal with the jealousy and possessiveness that many of their classmates had to deal with, as well as the heartbreak that others went through.
It's one thing to date someone from another school. Out of sight, out of mind (so to speak). Dating a classmate, whom you have to watch dating someone else, that's a whole different story. My children were extremely social people, with many friends of the same and opposite sex. They didn't want to have to deal with their BF/GF getting jealous, not liking their friends, etc. No drama! Just friends!
My own rule was the fellow had to come into the house and introduce himself to my parents. And with sons we made sure they did the same. I don't think I know any family where the dad has to give permission for the date itself. And in college? Where they are over 18 and cutting apron strings?
It is called being respectful. They know that they do not have to require their B.F. to ask me. But they also feel that dating is essentially check in each other out as a potential spouse. We are a family. Even now that they are adults, we do a lot of things together. We look out for each other. Family is very important to our family. If they want any chance with the girls, they will have to be accepted by the family. It is a good idea to begin with a show of respect. Quite honestly, I think it is an opportunity for the girls to say "Hey what do you think of this one" before they decide whether to go out with a guy. I certainly could have yuse some other opinions in deciding whether I woudl date someone when I was young and just starting dating. It would have saved me a lot of trouble (if I woudl have listened).
Besides, how else would I ever give him the "If you hurt her or fail to protect her in any way, I will kill you." speech?
I think in part it is a litmus test. If they get by Dad and still want a date, then they are not a whimpy guy. If not - well who wants a guy with no backbone?
I asked my Wife's father for his permission to ask her to marry me. I was 25 at the time.
If he pulls into the driveway and honks, you are not going.
Part of my speech to prospective guy dates. Only it ends with "I will throw a hammer through your windshield and you will never take her anywhere."
"Oh and by the way. if you ever snap your fingers for her to come to you .. . . well there probably will not be a windshield between your face and the hammer, sorry. "
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And in college? Where they are over 18 and cutting apron strings?
