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I was responding to txt's assertion that the teen in question (or any teen) shouldn't have to act happy while doing a chore they didn't like. That as long as the chore got done, the attitude was irrelevent. I wasn't referring to happiness as a general state of being but the feeling of the moment while doing the chore in question. Of course I want my kids to be happy. I tend toward the belief though that happiness is not a goal in and of itself but a state that one finds oneself in when busy accomplishing meaningful things.
I'm sorry but I never have once experienced happiness while cleaning and getting things done. I felt RELIEF when I was done and happiness when I got to do whatever fun thing it was I got to do AFTER cleaning.
Why would you need to show anyone you're unhappy about doing a chore? What would be the point? Just do it. Making everyone around you perfectly aware that you're unhappy is immature.
I never said go out of your way about doing it.
As a teen, when asked to do the dishes, I don't think my first facial expression was one of eager happiness, I probably made a face that most constipated people would make, then just did it but I never went out of my way to show I was happy but I also sure as hell, didn't whistle while I worked.
I'm sorry but I never have once experienced happiness while cleaning and getting things done. I felt RELIEF when I was done and happiness when I got to do whatever fun thing it was I got to do AFTER cleaning.
You're missing the point completely. Check back in about 10-20 years. Maybe you'll get it. Maybe not.
Do you not get what "This SOUNDS like you're saying that" means?
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
I disagree.
I don't think its setting a good example to look like you're happy doing everything you HAVE to do, it's not realistic, it doesn't actually make you happy so why fake it?
Actually, smiling can make you feel happier. Have you ever tried it?
But I wasn't necessarily suggesting that people pretend. Even while doing something you are obligated to do, it's possible to feel good. A person's job is a great example. Not everyone is sad, mad, upset, miserable, annoyed, etc. all day at their jobs, even if it's a job they don't particularly like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
Like I said where is the line, sometimes simply showing that you're unhappy about doing something is disrespectful to some people.
Oh yeah, pretty much anything can be considered disrespectful. But the essence of what it means to be "disrespectful" is consideration, and one should always consider how many ways their frown can be interpreted. It isn't always a given that it's merely a "I don't like what I'm doing" or "I don't like this part of my life" frown; it could be a "I don't like YOU" frown, yes?
But I wasn't necessarily suggesting that people pretend. Even while doing something you are obligated to do, it's possible to feel good. A person's job is a great example. Not everyone is sad, mad, upset, miserable, annoyed, etc. all day at their jobs, even if it's a job they don't particularly like.
Oh yeah, pretty much anything can be considered disrespectful. But the essence of what it means to be "disrespectful" is consideration, and one should always consider how many ways their frown can be interpreted. It isn't always a given that it's merely a "I don't like what I'm doing" or "I don't like this part of my life" frown; it could be a "I don't like YOU" frown, yes?
Yeah, I smile, when I am happy, I smile when I greet people at work but other than that I'm not going to sit at my desk bearing a goofy ass grin, while its 67 outside and I am inside...not getting any tanner for this summer.
[COLOR="rgb(46, 139, 87)"]But showing anything other than your true emotion about the situation is pretending. [/color]
[COLOR="rgb(255, 140, 0)"]It's not that persons fault that they live with someone who over analyzes facial expressions and can't connect the dots when someone ask them to do chores and they frown and that other person goes into over drive and assumes something else. If I asked anyone to do chores and they frowned, it would make sense that they didn't want to do the chores I wouldn't sit and think OMG maybe they don't like me...LE GASP.[/color]
Yeah, I smile, when I am happy, I smile when I greet people at work but other than that I'm not going to sit at my desk bearing a goofy ass grin, while its 67 outside and I am inside...not getting any tanner for this summer.
[COLOR="rgb(46, 139, 87)"]But showing anything other than your true emotion about the situation is pretending. [/color]
[COLOR="rgb(255, 140, 0)"]It's not that persons fault that they live with someone who over analyzes facial expressions and can't connect the dots when someone ask them to do chores and they frown and that other person goes into over drive and assumes something else. If I asked anyone to do chores and they frowned, it would make sense that they didn't want to do the chores I wouldn't sit and think OMG maybe they don't like me...LE GASP.[/color]
Seriously? How old are you again? Adults don't go around ensuring that everyone around them knows exactly how they feel about every given thing at all times. Pretending is very underrated actually.
Seriously? How old are you again? Adults don't go around ensuring that everyone around them knows exactly how they feel about every given thing at all times. Pretending is very underrated actually.
Never said that....
Never said I was talking about going OUT of your way to make it known you hate what you're doing.
I said, it was stupid to go out of your way to give people the impression you're happy about it and that you should just do whatever comes naturally.
I've been told that I am not good at hiding emotion in my facial expressions.
If my mom asked me to do the dishes, my facial expression would probably naturally revert to some sort of slight frown and then I might catch my self and then i'd just go do it but I WOULDN'T go in to kitchen and start huffing and puffing, sighing and whining about how I didn't want to do it, but I also wouldn't sit there at the sink and whistle and smile while various forest animals helped me clean, I'd probably do it as fast as I could, most likely not smiling at all but looking very focused and working fast so I could leave the house because asked to do something else.
Let me just say this, and it's not meant as a direct reply to or argument for either one of you. I will be teaching my son that smiling when you're down (including when you're doing something you don't much enjoy) is a proven and effective way of lifting your own spirits. I will teach him that he can control his emotions and attitude, and doing so will benefit him. Conversely, frowning and being upset will only hurt him in various ways. The only time frowning is healthy is when you're upset enough to cry. And even as I tell him, "Son, it's okay to cry", I will follow up with "But don't stay crying for too long or too often. Get back to smiling. Not for me, or anyone else, but for your own sake."
....
I'd better write that down, because there's no WAY I'm telling him all that from memory
Let me just say this, and it's not meant as a direct reply to or argument for either one of you. I will be teaching my son that smiling when you're down (including when you're doing something you don't much enjoy) is a proven and effective way of lifting your own spirits. I will teach him that he can control his emotions and attitude, and doing so will benefit him. Conversely, frowning and being upset will only hurt him in various ways. The only time frowning is healthy is when you're upset enough to cry. And even as I tell him, "Son, it's okay to cry", I will follow up with "But don't stay crying for too long or too often. Get back to smiling. Not for me, or anyone else, but for your own sake."
....
I'd better write that down, because there's no WAY I'm telling him all that from memory
Or you're just teach him how to look like a crazy person who smiles while doing things like scrubbing toilets.
Or you're just teach him how to look like a crazy person who smiles while doing things like scrubbing toilets.
Sooo we're switching over to "You should put what others think over how you feel" now?
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