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I just got married to my wife a year ago and she has 3 wonderful girls 9 - 3 - 1, each w/ diff fathers who are involved w/ them on varrying levels. I find this very difficult, my wife of course loves all her girls dearly but I guess Im waiting for that aha moment! of wow I love these girls. My wife and I are about to start having our own bio kids in a few weeks or start working on making our own should I say, and I worry Im broken and wont feel anything for my own children given my inability to feel love for my step kids.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE - DO NOT get your wife pregnant.
I think that step parents can love non-bio kids as their own.
However, I can say I know numerous situations where the relationship with the step children is contentious at best, and it seems to be magnified once the step parent goes on to have bio children of his/her own.
I purposely did not read what others wrote because I did not want to be influenced or inhibited by the prevailing opinion.
I have not had good experiences with step-parents. My step mother is horrible. Friends of mine who had step-mothers, in particular, growing up were beaten and treated unfairly in contrast to this woman's real children.
I think step parenting seems to bring out the worst in people. It's a living reminder of your partners former or late partner. It's hard.
I have known a few OK step-dads. Step-moms or step grand moms? NO.
I'd venture to say that's more often than not, it's the mother who gets custody of the child. When a stepmom comes into play, there's often a lot of resentment which builds quite a bit of tension, and can make it difficult for all parties. This can inhibit how a step mother looks at a stepchild-- the child very weel can be seen as a connection to the past.
This of course is not the rule- BUT often times the biological father is not always heavily involved, some may not even have any relationships at all (as in my case), and most don't have custody, so when a step father comes into the picture, it's easier both on the child and the stepdad to build a bond.
Just a theory though-- when my bio-father still had joint custody, my stepmom and I got along fine. I also knew her prior to the divorce as she was my mom's best friend (yeah, I know ), so there was a relationship prior. She did not have her own bio kids at the time. Did she love me? No idea; but she treated me well.
Adoption is totally different. When you adopt that becomes YOUR child. But a step parent (unless they adopt) is thelpung raise someone else's child.
That is the difference.
Sorry, but that is not always true, one of my son's who I am not biologically connected to, is my son in and out, I am not raising someone elses child, I am raising my child.
I like to think that I wouldn't marry someone with children I didn't love. It doesn't seem fair.
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), so there was a relationship prior. She did not have her own bio kids at the time. Did she love me? No idea; but she treated me well.
