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Day 1-2: This should be dad's job. Put the child in her bed, and have dad pull up a chair by the bed. The girl will cry, but dad can gently place his hand on her from his chair and tell her to lay down. He can keep talking to her while she lays there, saying anything at all, or even singing. If she gets up, he immediately puts her back down. If she gets up again, she gets spanked (not in anger, and just enough to sting a little) and put down again. Repeat as needed until she goes to sleep.
My, my , my, things have drastically changed since I was a child and since my children were that age. My Mother put us to bed and we stayed there and went to sleep and that was the end of that. I did the same things with my children and none of them are neurotic or have sleep issues and they do the same thing with their children.
And multiple times. Until it works. And it has to sting.
I feel very, very sorry for the children this "technique" is used on. (Though the fact that the father is the one who is supposed to be doing this it's obvious it's also about Dad teaching the kid "you will obey me!" Major power trip on Dad's part, IMHO.) Personally, I think there's better ways to teach obedience than a stinging whack on the butt when a stressed, tired child is trying to sleep. The child doesn't learn how to go to sleep by himself. What he learns is to have fear that Dad is going to hit him if he doesn't obey. Dad stays in the room ready to spank him if he gets out of bed? Yech. Poor kid is probably clutching his pillow hoping Dad just leaves him alone.
And multiple times. Until it works. And it has to sting.
I feel very, very sorry for the children this "technique" is used on. (Though the fact that the father is the one who is supposed to be doing this it's obvious it's also about Dad teaching the kid "you will obey me!" Major power trip on Dad's part, IMHO.) Personally, I think there's better ways to teach obedience than a stinging whack on the butt when a stressed, tired child is trying to sleep. The child doesn't learn how to go to sleep by himself. What he learns is to have fear that Dad is going to hit him if he doesn't obey. Dad stays in the room ready to spank him if he gets out of bed? Yech. Poor kid is probably clutching his pillow hoping Dad just leaves him alone.
Yep. Totally agree. Hitting a tired child who is having a hard time going to sleep seems cruel.
Yeah co-sleeping is a no go for us. She is a very wild sleeper. When she does sleep with us, she usually ends up with her head at the end of the bed and in some crazy position. I believe she has very active dreams because she moves a lot while she is sleeping.
Thanks for the all the input. I'm going to research the Ferber method more.
Also, I would advise having her get a lot of physical activity in the later afternoon, right after dinner if possible. I have multiples, and there came a time when they were this age and up to ages 3 and 4 that we would just take them in the backyard and say, "Ok, now run to the fence as fast as you can! Now run back to me!" over and over as long as they wanted to. Little kids have a LOT of energy, and burning some of that off before bed really helps.
Maybe just play a really active game of hide and seek inside or if you wrestle a little bit with them and get them to spend a bit of that energy before the bath/book/bedtime routine begins. The goal is to keep from using YOU as a pacifier.
I always find that routine is very important. If bed time is at 7pm or at 8pm then that is when they go. A story is also a good routine. Once a young child gets into the routine then there is rarely any problem getting them to go. Now, if they are not ready to sleep then that is okay. With our three year old grandson we simply say that he can read his books or play in bed but there is no getting up. The routine has to be adhered to. Sometimes he will play longer than other times, sometimes he will ask to go to the bathroom or for a drink of water to try to extend his time. But he is still in bed. Generally, he will be asleep within half and hour. We don't stress about it and we don't stress the child either.
Yep. Totally agree. Hitting a tired child who is having a hard time going to sleep seems cruel.
Hmm, I'm pro-spanking but this seems like the totally wrong time to use it. I think a light spank is great for an older child who is putting themselves in danger by willfully defying you, like a 4 year old who thinks it's hilarious to run into the street when you turn your back. But a toddler learning how to feel safe and content enough to sleep alone? No, not the time at all.
I remember reading somewhere that getting outside early in the morning and soaking up that early morning sunlight for 20 minutes or so helps set the body's sleep clock and natural sleep wake cycle. Keeping the lights low and electronics off in the evening can also help.
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