Wife's stupid "What if" questions (girl, girlfriend, high school)
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Totally serious. This is a feminized, co-ed world. Sports is virtually the only remaining mainstream activity where masculinity is socially acceptable.
You do realize that societies change and adapt, don't you?
Once our civilization needed and valued brains over brawn women had a chance to excel and to be recognized for it. That also means that the men who are physical and not too bright are going to be passed by.
There is nothing unnatural about it. It's just change, and either we adapt or die out.
This past Sunday as we were eating dinner my wife wanted to watch a stupid Lifetime movie. I was already watching an interesting show on Netflix about migrating birds, but I took it that more entertaining (and educational) viewing was in order. The movie was about this deeply religious woman who was up for this "Woman of the Year" award in her church. I believe the church was Catholic. Anyway the church officials wanted to meet the woman's family which consisted of her husband who was a recovering alcoholic (10 years sober), her son who just left his wife and children, and her daughter who was a lesbian, 5 months pregnant, and was planning to marry her girlfriend. During the movie my wife asks my 15 year old daughter "Would you think I would love you less if you told me you are gay?" My daughter answered no. Then she asks "What about your father?" She said "Dad would never talk to me again." My wife then says to me "Did you hear what your daughter just said?" I replied "Yes." She then asked "Well how do you respond to what she just said?" I stated that it was not a real situation, and that I would find her telling me she is gay hard to deal with. And with that (honest) answer she is upset with me because I didn't give the standard "I will love you no matter what" answer. I once again reminded her that her question is hypothetical, and its not like I said I would disown her, but that did not seem to matter. Why do (some) women ruin a perfectly good evening at home over what if questions?
Men and women think differently. There is no point in asking men "what if" questions. Men do not deal in "what ifs." They can't articulate a good answer because they simply have never thought about it and don't really know how to think about it, and so they give a lousy answer and get in trouble. Eventually, they learn to lie and say what women want to hear (or they have a lot of perfectly good evenings ruined).
The answer you gave is probably what you thought was true, but in fact might not reflect at all what would happen. Men don't actually know what they would do in a what if "relationship" situation. Women know what they would do for sure, because we spend most of our time making up "what if" situations in our heads, playing them out, obsessing about them, and discussing them with anyone who will listen. Men cannot comprehend this. Women cannot comprehend why men can't comprehend this and don't realize that most men can't think like that. So we ask them to answer a deep what if question that requires a lot of emotional insight and deep reflection on one's feelings, and instead of putting themselves into the hypothetical and giving us a realistic representation of what their feelings and actions "would" be, they give us whatever they are thinking right now.
Men are not in touch with their feelings. Big surprise.
I nearly ended my relationship with now-husband after the first few horrid, "can you see us getting married and having kids" questions, that he answered with, basically, a no - because he couldn't see it. But in the end he did do all that stuff. He just didn't know he would. Now I don't ask what ifs because I realize that he really doesn't know the answer, and will either lie or upset me with the "wrong" answer.
Men are not in touch with their feelings. Big surprise.
What do you mean? Of course we are in touch with our feelings - we are just more straight forward.
We can`t stand the BS and game playing. We hate agendas.
We ask of some degree of honesty - not all these "what if`s".
I haven't read the entire thread, but I've been happliy married for thirty-six years and I've never called my wife stupid, either to her face or to other people. I agree with those who think this was very disrespectful and you should not have done it.
Second, you are dead wrong when you refer to the hypothetical homosexuality as your daughter's "choice".
Third, it is conceivable that your wife and daughter wanted to watch this program with you specifically in order to stimulate a conversation, possibly because they thought that watching the show and having you empathize with the gay teenager might put you in a receptive frame of mind to talk to your daughter about some real issues in her life. If so, you blew that opportunity, but you can work to get another chance.
You do realize that societies change and adapt, don't you?
Once our civilization needed and valued brains over brawn women had a chance to excel and to be recognized for it. That also means that the men who are physical and not too bright are going to be passed by.
There is nothing unnatural about it. It's just change, and either we adapt or die out.
No, no, this is not what is happening. "Brawn" is not the only way masculinity is exercised, or even the most important way. Masculine ways of thinking, working, playing, living and being have also been pushed to the margins by feminism. The most salient example is the death of reason in our society. The discipline of reason is a masculine activity (and not beyond the reach of women), but our society is now entirely enslaved to emotion and sentiment. Which are important, too, don't get me wrong - but they ought to be subordinate to reason.
It's true that our modern economy depends entirely too much on emotion and sentiment (i.e., advertising, marketing, sales) which, in turn, contribute to the erosion of masculine character traits. But it certainly isn't the whole story.
I realize this is getting pretty far away from the topic. Back to the OP, carry on.
Last edited by WesternPilgrim; 01-30-2013 at 11:37 AM..
OP, if you want to "fix" this situation, you should sit down with your wife and daughter and tell them something like, "I'm not sure what happened the other day when we were watching that movie, but I just want you both to know that I love you dearly and unconditionally. Yeah, there are topics where we disagree, but the bottom line is, you two are the most important thing in the world to me and you always will be."
Then you can carry on with your day.
I think that those are the words your wife was wanting to hear. If you can't say that, or choose not to, I'm sorry for all of you.
Sometimes we men forget that to have a happy life we need to have a happy wife. I have made that mistake before and probably will again. The key is to forget that we are "right" and remember that our wives are never wrong, even when they are wrong. Just set your own ideas aside and make sure you can do what ever you can to make your wife happy.
Like the op, I hate Lifetime or what I like to call "The issue of the week Network" I would prefer to watch a show where I can learn something or watch something get built, like a car or a house. My wife prefers a differant kind of show and I will watch with her.
What do you mean? Of course we are in touch with our feelings - we are just more straight forward.
We can`t stand the BS and game playing. We hate agendas.
We ask of some degree of honesty - not all these "what if`s".
That's my point - men deal in things that are real and now. Women deal in things that are hypothetical and imaginary and maybe and what if. We do it all the time. It's not BS or game playing, it's how we think. So you think women are playing games and women think you are an insensitive jerk. We just think differently.
Just judging by the language you use, you seem to have a superiority complex. That isn't going to help, I think PEOPLE ask "what if" questions, not just women. Men ask "stupid" "what if" questions all the time to each other, "dude what if some said they'd give you a million dollars..." Anyway, I do think your wife could've handled it better but you gotta show more emotional intelligence and sensibility than what you showed. I understand, "honesty" but if you can't, at the end of the day say, "I'd love you..." then your "honesty" is just doing you more harm than good. Don't be a fool just so you can be "honest" or "smart".
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