Wife's stupid "What if" questions (activities, child, 2 years old)
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She said "Dad would never talk to me again." My wife then says to me "Did you hear what your daughter just said?" I replied "Yes." She then asked "Well how do you respond to what she just said?" I stated that it was not a real situation, and that I would find her telling me she is gay hard to deal with. And with that (honest) answer she is upset with me because I didn't give the standard "I will love you no matter what" answer.
Actually, I think it sounds like your wife is upset with you because of your answer. Which is that you would find a gay daughter hard to deal with. Not that you didn't give a "standard" answer.
Think about it. You told your wife AND your daughter that if she were gay you would have a problem. Did your wife know that before you all sat down to watch the movie together? She may have had a bit of a shock. I wouldn't blame her. You might want to talk about it with her. AND with your daughter. Who knows what she's thinking. (Were I your daughter I'd be thinking I'd better not talk about these things with Dad. He's announced he's got a problem with it.)
Actually, I think it sounds like your wife is upset with you because of your answer. Which is that you would find a gay daughter hard to deal with. Not that you didn't give a "standard" answer.
Think about it. You told your wife AND your daughter that if she were gay you would have a problem. Did your wife know that before you all sat down to watch the movie together? She may have had a bit of a shock. I wouldn't blame her. You might want to talk about it with her. AND with your daughter. Who knows what she's thinking. (Were I your daughter I'd be thinking I'd better not talk about these things with Dad. He's announced he's got a problem with it.)
Look I'm not trying to be difficult here but my exact words were "Hard to deal with" If my response was (as you wrote) "I would have a problem if my daughter told me she were gay" then that is quite different and then I could see why everyone has a continued dislike towards me based on that response. What I gave was an honest answer considering I was being blindsided by a loaded question.
Look I'm not trying to be difficult here but my exact words were "Hard to deal with" If my response was (as you wrote) "I would have a problem if my daughter told me she were gay" then that is quite different and then I could see why everyone has a continued dislike towards me based on that response. What I gave was an honest answer considering I was being blindsided by a loaded question.
I'm not trying to be difficult either. (And I certainly don't dislike you based on a very "Dad/Husband/Watching TV" response.) I'm just saying I think you need to talk about this with your wife and daughter.
Daughters like Dads who talk about things with them. Here's your chance to score some points.
They act like I called her stupid. I referred to both the movie and in the title of my OP my Wife's "What If" question as stupid. Somehow this is means I have a lack of disregard for her feelings and as usual I'm insensitive. As I said before my language (the use of the word stupid 2x) is the culprit here, so nothing else in my message will come across and that is my fault for poorly choosing my words here.
One follow up I would do is tell my daughter that I would love her no matter what. I would say I would need time to adjust to the situation, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't love her. That is assuming you feel that way. I guess my opinion is that it would be good to clear it up with your daughter what your feelings are.
On page 2 you said your wife and you have had discussions about this- have you had a discussion about your daughter maybe being interested in a different sex? If you said yes, then this was a most likely a planned event to open a dialogue with your daughter because you may have shut out your daughter and wife before when they were trying to tell you something.
For a 15 yr old to come out and say "my dad would not talk to me anymore" means you have pretty much made your opinions clear.
I am a wife and mother and I try not to ask a question that I know my husband's stance on unless there is a reason. Maybe you might want to talk to your wife and ask her why she did that to you? Instead of asking in a public forum "Wife's stupid what if questions"?
If your daughter has a boyfriend and is into boys then I agree with you that she was being hurtful to your daughter mostly and not to you. This is where you need to get over it, let it go and not be put in this position again for your daughter's sake.
For the record my daughter does have a boyfriend (whom I dislike), but since he is a gentleman to my daughter, and respectful to my wife and I there is nothing I can say negative about him other than I feel he has no real direction. He is 2 years older (one of the reasons I don't like him, and he dosen't seem to know what he wants to do for the rest of his life (no real direction IMO). He was sickly when he was younger (he was born with one kidney). I found that out because when I first met him I asked him what kind of sports he likes and he said track and field, and I replied what about a "Man's" sport like Football, Basketball, or Baseball and he explained he could not play those because of his condition. I busted his chops because that's what Dad's do not because I don't want him to get too friendly or comfortable with me. I know the tactic is unorthodox, but he knows that my daughter does have a father who is involved in her life and does want the best for her.
For the record my daughter does have a boyfriend (whom I dislike), but since he is a gentleman to my daughter, and respectful to my wife and I there is nothing I can say negative about him other than I feel he has no real direction. He is 2 years older (one of the reasons I don't like him, and he dosen't seem to know what he wants to do for the rest of his life (no real direction IMO). He was sickly when he was younger (he was born with one kidney). I found that out because when I first met him I asked him what kind of sports he likes and he said track and field, and I replied what about a "Man's" sport like Football, Basketball, or Baseball and he explained he could not play those because of his condition. I busted his chops because that's what Dad's do not because I don't want him to get too friendly or comfortable with me. I know the tactic is unorthodox, but he knows that my daughter does have a father who is involved in her life and does want the best for her.
Yeah, I'm sure with a father like you she'd have no reason to be leery of marrying a man, being as you're so courteous to everyone and all.
Still, it sounds to me like your wife and daughter have been having some kind of discussions about this topic and why else would they be discussing it? Maybe you should be giving some thought as to how you might really deal with this situation so you're better prepared if it's not a hypothetical situation.
For the record my daughter does have a boyfriend (whom I dislike), but since he is a gentleman to my daughter, and respectful to my wife and I there is nothing I can say negative about him other than I feel he has no real direction. He is 2 years older (one of the reasons I don't like him, and he dosen't seem to know what he wants to do for the rest of his life (no real direction IMO). He was sickly when he was younger (he was born with one kidney). I found that out because when I first met him I asked him what kind of sports he likes and he said track and field, and I replied what about a "Man's" sport like Football, Basketball, or Baseball and he explained he could not play those because of his condition. I busted his chops because that's what Dad's do not because I don't want him to get too friendly or comfortable with me. I know the tactic is unorthodox, but he knows that my daughter does have a father who is involved in her life and does want the best for her.
Having a boyfriend now is NO guarantee that she is not gay. He might be a *beard* (and he may or may not know that) or she might not be ready to admit she is gay since she believes you would reject her completely.
My question here is: Why does your daughter believe you would never speak to her again if she were gay? I'd be a lot more concerned about that! Where does she get that idea from? What about your relationship has convinced her of this? Maybe you should be asking yourself where, how and when you gave your daughter the message that she would be unacceptable to you because of who she might fall in love with?
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