The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (learn, travel)
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I'll be writing to Dear Abby if I let her come back. She won't leave once back so we can't go there. It's time for this little bird to fly the nest and start her own nest.
If she were 8 months instead of 8 weeks I'd agree. I expect she'll be in her own place before she's half way through her pregnancy. I fear if I let her come home, she'll never leave. Once here I fear the baby will become everyone's responsibility except hers. It has to be this way. I don't like her sleeping in a car but brining her back home is not the solution.
Then help her find an apartment and put a down payment on it.
I asked for advice about what I don't know about and that is what kind of help is available to a pregnant 19 year old who is homeless right now. Somehow that warrants 25 pages of posts. go figure.
Ivory, your initial post in this thread (in the Parenting forum) was for help finding resources. A post read by many people who know the backstory.
Follow-up posts are sprinkled with references to suggestions to give the baby up for adoption, and how you feel about not bailing her out this time, etc. That's about when the posts responding with some feedback/suggestions as to how to make this situation more likely turn out well began.
A thread is a conversation and proceeds naturally in the same way a verbal conversation might. If you didn't want anyone touching on the topics of parenting, bailing children out (or not), adoption, etc., it would have been easy enough to post this question on a different forum (your city area, most likely) and keep the discussion focused only on the welfare question.
A few posts here have attacked you (some because it's a CD forum and you will get attacked no matter WHAT the topic, others because they seem frustrated with what they see as an unwillingness to make changes on your part or acknowledge your role in the situation), but MOST have been insightful and helpful--my own were attempts to be, but have fallen flat obvs. Others have helped me look at my own parenting and given me food for thought, and same for others reading this as well I'm sure.
I know you are overwhelmed--anyone would be in this situation, but complaining about people who are offering to help a total stranger and who clearly want to see things get better for you and your daughter seems counterproductive to me.
"They" never said you should kick your daughter out. Some posters said that, and others did not. And now, on this thread, SOME posters are saying to take her back in, and some posters are saying not to. It seems you focus on and react to only the posts that offend you. Why not take a deep breath and be open to the spectrum of responses you find here, and have the strength to apply those that might help even if they might require some painful instrospection?
Otherwise, why post here at all? You seem like a capable woman. You have the Google, n'est pas? In ten seconds I had a list of every crisis pregnancy office in your area. Another ten and I'd have been on your state's DPHHS website downloading an application. It's not rocket science and doesn't even warrant a post. A phone call to your insurance office, a phone call to this place where DD has put her funds.
You're right, it doesn't warrant 25 pages. You wanted to talk about it, obviously. We talked about it.
ETA: The title of your post was not "Welfare Resources for teen mom?" It was....something a bit more dramatic.
Last edited by Montanama; 06-24-2014 at 08:43 AM..
I think the OP has gotten more than enough advice on which government programs are available to DD and baby. Obviously they don't want to hear the rest of what we have to say or take any constructive criticism. I suggest that the mods close this one. Too bad this one didn't turn out like the other pregnant teen thread. Could gave been helpful for OP...
I'll be writing to Dear Abby if I let her come back. She won't leave once back so we can't go there. It's time for this little bird to fly the nest and start her own nest.
If she were 8 months instead of 8 weeks I'd agree. I expect she'll be in her own place before she's half way through her pregnancy. I fear if I let her come home, she'll never leave. Once here I fear the baby will become everyone's responsibility except hers. It has to be this way. I don't like her sleeping in a car but brining her back home is not the solution.
She needs a roof over her head at night. Sleeping in a car is dangerous. If she can't "couch surf", e.g. stay with friends, you need to help her or get her into a shelter.
I'll be writing to Dear Abby if I let her come back. She won't leave once back so we can't go there. It's time for this little bird to fly the nest and start her own nest.
If she were 8 months instead of 8 weeks I'd agree. I expect she'll be in her own place before she's half way through her pregnancy. I fear if I let her come home, she'll never leave. Once here I fear the baby will become everyone's responsibility except hers. It has to be this way. I don't like her sleeping in a car but brining her back home is not the solution.
It isn't any wonder this happened at all. DD1 is having a baby (planned, it would seem) so she'll have someone to love her. She's looking for the unconditional love she doesn't get from her parents.
Oh ffs, this thread was a neener neener I told you so effort from the get go.
Yes you were correct Ivory, she got pregnant, just as you predicted. You an go ahead and feel validated.
There's no need for this thread apart from that. It's not hard to find options. But I would let dd1 do it for herself. This has very little to do with ivory. Dd1 has a boyfriend that loves her and perhaps they'll go on to be one of the success stories - one of couples that find each other early on and go on to have a wonderful life. I hope so, and I wish them all the best.
It isn't any wonder this happened at all. DD1 is having a baby (planned, it would seem) so she'll have someone to love her. She's looking for the unconditional love she doesn't get from her parents.
Yep, and the sad thing is - little kids will love their parents no matter how irresponsible they are.
I don't get why the supposedly pregnant daughter is supposedly sleeping in a car when she and her BF make about $3000 a month, and her BF is apparently sleeping comfortably somewhere else. I also am not buying the "the money you gave me is locked away in a time vault." She's probably referring to either 1) a safe deposit box at a bank, or 2) a certificate of deposit at a bank, or 3) an annuity or some sort of IRA. All three options would allow access by the owner - the first two immediately, and the third one might take a couple of weeks to process. But my point is that the daughter is being less than honest about her ability to get to the $5000 that the mom gave her not long ago. It's not locked away in some freaking "time capsule" that can't be opened by the owner! Sheeze, that's crazy talk right there!
The smoke and mirrors regarding the $5000 in savings bonds that the mother gave her recently tells me that the daughter is not cooperating at all with reasonable requests. This makes TRULY helping her challenging at best.
Coupla things come to my mind immediately:
1) She wants back in the home, not working and not going to school, desperately. She's even said as much. She doesn't understand why she EVER has to work.
2) There's no proof that she's even pregnant.
3) There's no proof that she's sleeping in a car. In fact, there's a strong possibility that she's neither pregnant NOR sleeping in a car somewhere. Sleeping in a car while your BF sleeps in a comfy bed somewhere? Sorry, but I'm skeptical of this scenario.
Sounds to me like there's the possibility that she's breaking out the "big guns" in order to move back home and resume laying around. "Surely they won't refuse me if I'm PREGNANT AND HOMELESS."
DD#1 is pregnant. I knew that was next after dh made her leave. (snip).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
If she were 8 months instead of 8 weeks I'd agree. (snip) .
Well, if DD#1 is 8 weeks pregnant, that means that she conceived the end of April. That was before DH "made her leave".
According to your last thread DD#1 moved out May 17. With the accuracy of the new early pregnancy tests she may have even known that she was pregnant before she moved out. And even if she didn't know you can not blame DH by claiming that 'making her leave resulting in her getting pregnant' as she would already have been pregnant when she moved out of your house.
I haven't read the whole thread- I dearly hope it hasn't devolved into some politically charged debate
While politics should not be the overall discussion in a thread like this, too often people feel sorry for an individual without expressing public scorn for irresponsible behavior. It is easy to deride anonymous welfare mothers, food stamp surfers, etc. However, whether it is your friends daughter or a stranger across the county, we are all paying for their poor choices in life. Frankly we are getting to a tipping point where entitled-minded people who think the government(read us taxpayers) should take care of and look out for them from cradle to grave. This needs to stop lest we fall as a once great nation.
While I and others believe in a safety net for those who genuinely cannot fend for themselves(i.e. physical impairment, we should not refrain from giving public condemnation as well. Humans are a very social species, and have an instinctual desire to be accepted and fit in. Back in the 1950's, and before, getting pregnant out of wedlock was not acceptable and that helped to keep all but the most irresponsible/sexual promiscuous girls from "getting into trouble". Now days the liberal PC crowd wants to not hurt anyones feelings, less their self esteem take a hit. Well guess what, maybe their self esteem needs to be knocked down a peg or two since they are too often narcissistic and believe any "lifestyle choice" is acceptable. WRONG!
Just as the phrase "tough love" sounds counterintuitive, it still works and is needed. So public scorn and disapproval is a powerful tool in helping those who cannot help themselves keep on the right track.
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Somehow that warrants 25 pages of posts. go figure.
