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Yes, but for whatever reason they aren't comfortable with that. Honestly it's completely their right. Do I think it's silly? Yes. Would I care about the shared bed? No. But it's not my house.
However, they've no right to whine either. Both sides have made their choice, and so it is. I really think there's more to this. I can't think of many I know who hasn't come up against this kind of situation while they were dating. Usually you just put up with it for a couple of days. It's not that big a deal - unless, this is part of a pattern of disapproval of son's relationship from the get go, which I think makes more sense.
But they are not dating.
They LIVE TOGETHER. They are in a committed relationship and have been for two years.
It is quite possible they may end up getting married eventually. Who knows?
I think you may be right that there could be the element of disapproval in re: to son's choice of a live-in mate being at the core of the issue here. I would bet that her "rule" was received by son, his girlfriend and most likely - her parents - as a clear signal that Mom does not approve of the relationship. I don't see how it could be read any other way.
From the OP: His reply was "And I would like to share bed with my girlfriend."
Again I would never ask someone to go against their morals to accommodate me.
What is your point?
Of course he said that. He LIVES WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. They sleep together 360-some other days in the year. Why would he suddenly pretend he doesn't share his bed with the woman he lives with?
He stated the obvious.
There was nothing disrespectful about it.
Mom didn't have to compromise her "morals." Son made arrangements to stay elsewhere with his girlfriend.
He is not DEMANDING anything. Like, literally, anything. Unlike the OP, actually.
Nobody is scolding her for attempting to maintain morals for her other children. If she's being scolded for anything, it's for trying to bend her adult son to her will.
You, on the other hand, could do with some manners. Hint: see emphasized words.
From the OP: His reply was "And I would like to share bed with my girlfriend."
Again I would never ask someone to go against their morals to accommodate me.
I wouldn't either, but I also don't expect others to live their lives by my morals.
She wants her son to visit her on her terms and for the amount of time she finds acceptable.
He is already respecting her wishes by staying elsewhere. Why shouldn't her son get a say in how long, how often, or if he wants to visit?
I just don't see where he is doing anything wrong. Is there some minimum amount of time an adult child is required to spend with his parents at their home before he is considered respectful?
If there is, I am sure I fail at that. An hour with my parents is about 55 minutes too long.....They spend the first 5 minutes asking how I am and the rest of the time berating me for my life choices.
I wouldn't either, but I also don't expect others to live their lives by my morals.
She wants her son to visit her on her terms and for the amount of time she finds acceptable.
He is already respecting her wishes by staying elsewhere. Why shouldn't her son get a say in how long, how often, or if he wants to visit?
I just don't see where he is doing anything wrong. Is there some minimum amount of time an adult child is required to spend with his parents at their home before he is considered respectful?
If there is, I am sure I fail at that. An hour with my parents is about 55 minutes too long.....They spend the first 5 minutes asking how I am and the rest of the time berating me for my life choices.
Yes I already stated that she will have to live with the consequences meaning less time with her son than she wants.
I suspect the son feels the mom is disrespectful to his girlfriend. And the gf probably feels the same. I've been in her position - being treated like the town harlot because I lived with him instead of marrying him (even after 10 years, when we were both in our late thirties and had pretty much made a life together with the exception of obtaining a marriage certificate). It wasn't just the sleeping together thing - it was that they did not acknowledge me as a part of his life. Unfortunately for his mom, we ended up married with children, and now she has to put up with me after years of hard feelings between because of the way she treated me then. OP is not from this country, and neither is my mil, and I think this is similar to what's happening here.
I think you are right on all points.
Just sad to me that OP's insistence on treating her son like a child has probably doomed the chances that there will ever be a close relationship with her son and his girlfriend.
Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness
Instead of plagiarism, you should give wiki credit for what you post next time.
IMO he is being stubborn by not visiting his mother because of her rules and that is how his indirectly expressing his " hostility".
All stubbornness isn't passive aggression. He hasn't indirectly expressed anything. He has been VERY DIRECT and clear with his mother. A key factor in passive aggressiveness is the appearance of complying. He isn't doing that. Passive aggressive people have difficulty saying no because they fear conflict. The OP's son readily says no and clearly has no problem with conflict.
If you're still unsure of how a passive aggressive adult child would respond and behave in the OP's situation, I'm sure quite a few members can provide you with multiple examples.
I think a good point was just made and not emphasized enough. Its entirely possibly that the gf is being made to feel like a second class citizen, and likely feels uncomfortable staying at bf's mom's house, especially by herself in a bedroom. She may feel like she just doesnt want to stay there, and has family close by to stay at. Likely bf would rather go with her to her family than stay at his mom's house without her.
All stubbornness isn't passive aggression. He hasn't indirectly expressed anything. He has been VERY DIRECT and clear with his mother. A key factor in passive aggressiveness is the appearance of complying. He isn't doing that. Passive aggressive people have difficulty saying no because they fear conflict. The OP's son readily says no and clearly has no problem with conflict.
If you're still unsure of how a passive aggressive adult child would respond and behave in the OP's situation, I'm sure quite a few members can provide you with multiple examples.
I don't need examples...this is a perfectly good one right here. If you don't agree with my opinion..then fine, you are entitled to yours as I am to mine......and mine is he's being passive aggressive.
And I didn't plagiarize anything...I provided a definition.
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