Son and his girlfriend barely visit due to sleeping arrangement (games, younger)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So now not wanting little kids to know that their sibling is boinking a chick is "sheltered"? Or is it too much to ask that parents be able to talk about it on their own time?
Or likely the siblings know that the brother and gf already live together and their parents are trying to live by their convictions and lead by example that this is not the ideal way to go about things (in their minds).
Next you'll be saying because she doesn't let strangers smoke a crack pipe in her house, she's sheltering her kids...
Stan, there is literally almost no 14 year old in the modern world who isn't thinking a couple living together is having sex. You would have to live in a religious commune with no access to the outside world to be that ignorant of relationships of that nature. I would also say that since child#1 didn't agree with their beliefs that chances are it's not going to work any better with #2 and #3 either.
In all honesty, I doubt the conversation here has to do with sex. Very few people, myself included, would feel comfortable having sex with a parent in the next room - not for reasons of morality, but because it's just awkward. So all the dude wants to do is sleep in the same bed as his girl. He's an adult, he gets to make that decision as long as he doesn't make it under her roof and her rules, which he's not.
I think that is the sticking point on why the OP doesn't want his son sleeping in the same bed as his girlfriend. I could be wrong, but I can't imagine the parents objections is simply due to him wanting to share a bed while he sleeps with his girlfriend.
I think that is the sticking point on why the OP doesn't want his son sleeping in the same bed as his girlfriend. I could be wrong, but I can't imagine the parents objections is simply due to him wanting to share a bed while he sleeps with his girlfriend.
It would be the logical conclusion, but nowhere did OP bring up sex, so I'm not making that leap quite yet...
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikitakolata
Exactly. I wouldn't have sex in my parents' house, even when my husband and I lived there (we were married and between houses). It really is just gross anyway, IMO.
I have several LGBT friends who have parents that are not accepting and are downright mean/awful. I'm not LGBT, but I cannot stand being around people like that. If my parents were that way, we probably would not be close at all because those types of attitudes are just so far from what I believe we would probably be in constant conflict over something.
I'm shocked this was not brought up earlier. Who has sex in their parents house with their parents at home? "Little diss" would never get himself in freak mode with his mama within 200 yards of him.
The only real difference is the piece of paper. You can be incredibly committed and not be married, and you can be married and be committed on paper only. A piece of paper does not make a relationship stronger, or more legitimate these days.
It didn't thirty years ago either. I lived with my first love for five years. It was tumumtious, but to this day we keep in touch and remain friends and he's helped without asking more than once.
The one I married ruined my life. He died recently and I am slowly working on letting go of the anger from years ago. That piece of paper means only as much as the relationship its supposed to cement.
More than one thing can get in the way of relations with grown kids. My son can't afford to come out here to OK and I can't afford to go to California, but when we do get together, one subject is strictly and absolutely off limits. I'm Wiccan and he converted to Mormon. No prosletising or pushing religion allowed. He's happy with his and I'm happy with mine and that is the best outcome.
He got married at 22 without a job. I personally would have prefered he live with his now wife until at least one of them has some means of supporting themselves other than school and a part time job. If its a good relationship it will last with or without that piece of paper.
My advise to the OP is open her home to her son and gf and let them sleep in the one room. She may say she does not approve and it is to be kept private. They can agree to disagree. But you don't ever get that time back that she is fritterig away now, especially since he's getting to the age when responsibility and other time demands will appear, and even if he'd like to come and visit he may not be able to. Worse thing you can waste is your time.
It didn't thirty years ago either. I lived with my first love for five years. It was tumumtious, but to this day we keep in touch and remain friends and he's helped without asking more than once.
The one I married ruined my life. He died recently and I am slowly working on letting go of the anger from years ago. That piece of paper means only as much as the relationship its supposed to cement.
More than one thing can get in the way of relations with grown kids. My son can't afford to come out here to OK and I can't afford to go to California, but when we do get together, one subject is strictly and absolutely off limits. I'm Wiccan and he converted to Mormon. No prosletising or pushing religion allowed. He's happy with his and I'm happy with mine and that is the best outcome.
He got married at 22 without a job. I personally would have prefered he live with his now wife until at least one of them has some means of supporting themselves other than school and a part time job. If its a good relationship it will last with or without that piece of paper.
My advise to the OP is open her home to her son and gf and let them sleep in the one room. She may say she does not approve and it is to be kept private. They can agree to disagree. But you don't ever get that time back that she is fritterig away now, especially since he's getting to the age when responsibility and other time demands will appear, and even if he'd like to come and visit he may not be able to. Worse thing you can waste is your time.
This ^^^^. If the OP values her relationship with her son, she'll relent on this issue and be gracious when he and the GF stay over. She can explain it exactly like that to the younger kids. "Dad and I don't approve of couples sharing a room when they aren't married, but your brother is an adult, we miss him we he doesn't stay here and we've decided it's not worth arguing about."
The OP needs to take a hard look at what she's getting and what she's giving up by taking the stance she has.
Maybe Mom and son have another conflict and this is just a symptom of a bigger problem? I think the son needs to just suck it up and respect Mom's wishes. Your parents aren't going to live forever and you can run your own life your own way EVERYWHERE else.
My son came out to visit a few years ago with his dad's family, and I really wanted him to stay with me. I was very dissapointed when he stayed at the motel. But I realized that what I wanted was to have my kid back, and do some things we used to do. But we're both adults who have gone different directions and that time has sailed. I really wonder if the mother wants him to stay there with her to reclaim the kid who isn't anymore. Maybe she'd like it if the gf stayed with her parents.
I think the son is perfectly justified in saying no, since he is an adult in his twenties, and deserves to be treated like one. And she has the right to say no sleeping in the same room but he is perfectly justified in saying no. I know she wants to spend more time with him, but even if he left his gf at her parents house its not going to be the same as when he was a kid.
Part of growing up is parents respecting that their children are no longer children and make their own decisions, and parents can't set the rules anymore.
It can. Look at the Duggar's. They not only stick to their values, but ensure that their kids are almost unaware of how other people live. They were home schooled, so they never sat in a classroom with people with different values. Their marriages are practically arranged with like minded people. They don't even have a chance to see what other options are out there.
You could say the OP is doing the same by trying to hide the fact that the 26 year old sleeps in the same bed with his GF from her two teen kids.
Again sticking to a set of morals and beliefs is not the same thing as sheltering a child. If that were the case then parents shouldn't adhere to morals or beliefs at all and just let their kids do what they want to do.
Again sticking to a set of morals and beliefs is not the same thing as sheltering a child. If that were the case then parents shouldn't adhere to morals or beliefs at all and just let their kids do what they want to do.
It isn't, but what would you call a 14- or 16-year-old who doesn't know 20-somethings share beds with their significant others?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
