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1. Posts about "parents in general" are off-topic and
2. You didn't make it particularly clear that you weren't referring specifically to the OP's son.
I shouldn't have to make it clear since I quoted the post that I was referring to. If that's not clear enough for you then too bad.
Mom says, "Please come to visit. Bring your girlfriend, too. But you need to sleep separately while under my roof."
Son says, "Fine, then, to heck with you. We will stay elsewhere."
His staying elsewhere is out of spite. There is no other reason.
Spite has nothing to do with it. The OP was used to having her son in her house and her rules were THE rules, and he abided by them, because he lived in the house.
Now he has grown up and has his own life, and the OP just realized that now there is option a AND option b. If the son doesnt want her rules, and what adult wants "rules" when they visit someone, then he will go to option b., which is still visiting Mom, but staying with girlfriend's family. That way everyone is happy. And obviously the young couple would rather stay somewhere that they are more comfortable and are treated like the adults that they are, instead of like children.
I wish more people understood what passive-aggressive means.
Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness
I understand perfectly what it means. IMO he is being stubborn by not visiting his mother because of her rules and that is how his indirectly expressing his " hostility".
I did say that this is JMO and am aware that he may legitimately just not want to travel that far. I just don't think that's the case.
I'm going to go back on something I said......he was being disrespectful. I would never ask someone to go against their morals or values (that you have known they had for years) to accommodate me. That's disrespectful.
In other words she should go against her conscience for the sake of getting along with her children. And we wonder why children get worse and worse as the years go on.
No one is asking OP to "go against her conscience." Her decision! But let's be clear . . . she was demanding compliance from two ADULTS, not two CHILDREN.
And by demanding that compliance, she made it very clear that she 1. did not approve/recognize/respect the commitment he and his girlfriend have made to live together and 2. did not respect that he was an adult
A 26 year old male IS an adult.
Mom has the right to enforce whatever rules she wants with guests in her home. At the same time, mom needs to understand that guests may not feel very welcome and choose to stay elsewhere.
I'm going to go back on something I said......he was being disrespectful. I would never ask someone to go against their morals or values (that you have known they had for years) to accommodate me. That's disrespectful.
He didn't ask her to do that. She told him what the rules were IF he chose to stay in her home.
I'm going to go back on something I said......he was being disrespectful. I would never ask someone to go against their morals or values (that you have known they had for years) to accommodate me. That's disrespectful.
Where did the OP say that he did that? He simply chose to stay somewhere else.
I'm going to go back on something I said......he was being disrespectful. I would never ask someone to go against their morals or values (that you have known they had for years) to accommodate me. That's disrespectful.
I suspect the son feels the mom is disrespectful to his girlfriend. And the gf probably feels the same. I've been in her position - being treated like the town harlot because I lived with him instead of marrying him (even after 10 years, when we were both in our late thirties and had pretty much made a life together with the exception of obtaining a marriage certificate). It wasn't just the sleeping together thing - it was that they did not acknowledge me as a part of his life. Unfortunately for his mom, we ended up married with children, and now she has to put up with me after years of hard feelings between because of the way she treated me then. OP is not from this country, and neither is my mil, and I think this is similar to what's happening here.
Your son lives with his girlfriend and the other kids know this don't they? They already have a bad impression of his heathen morals. Don't they?
I'm mean at this point you're about 60% likely to have a conceived out of wedlock grandchild by this son and his girlfriend so you need to chill. Stop offering them to stay over since you know they want to share a bed.
He didn't ask her to do that. She told him what the rules were IF he chose to stay in her home.
He declined to stay in her home.
How was that disrespectful?
From the OP: His reply was "And I would like to share bed with my girlfriend."
Again I would never ask someone to go against their morals to accommodate me.
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