Parents who don't pay for college education. (minors, games, insurance)
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It's easy to say that kids should just "build character" and such by paying for their own college education by working, but college is a racket these days. You pay more and get less than you used to. Tuition costs are tantamount to highway robbery and most college graduates are saddled with student loan debt in the tens of thousands of dollars before they even really begin their adult lives. And the interest adds up faster than you can imagine. It's like being born with a mortgage. Parents who don't start a college fund for their children early are irresponsible. You can say "what if you don't make enough money?" but that's the entire point of saving. A little bit at a time, over a long period adds up to more than a little bit. $50 a month for 18 years adds up to almost $11,000. That would be a huge boon for a college student.
And isn't the whole point of raising kids making their lives better than yours? If you can't afford to help your children then why did you have them in the first place?
You really believe that people who do not pay for their child's college education should not have children?
My Mother never paid for my education but she raised two children by herself and could not afford to pay for my education. She ended up being a single parent because the man she married and had children with decided that living in prison, being an alcoholic and a career criminal was more important than taking care of his family.
It's unfortunate that he did not inform her of this little detail before she married him and had children then divorced him because it was the best thing to do for herself and her children physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
I've been actively trying to meet people at my college who are paying their own way. Their life is much much harder than mine (and probably will continue to be harder) mainly because of their parents (And their college major, but that's another story).
I.e if you aren't an engineering/cs or a finance/accounting major, chances are you aren't going to get a paid internship. You pretty much need internships (real life experience) to land the entry level job. If you pay for everything yourself, you can't afford to work for free.
You are directly putting your kid at a distinct disadvantage. Why do you feel that passing along your genes is so important that you are willing to hurt your child's chances at a good life?
It's easy to be clueless. When I first graduated college, I thought I knew much more than I really did. You don't need to explain what an internship is or what is needed to land an entry level job. You have no idea if people can work for free or not. You also have no idea what others know. The more I think about your premise the funnier it seems. I don't mean a little bit funny, I mean hilariously funny. A teacher once told one of my granddaughters that having a child is never a planned event. I told my granddaughter to tell her teacher it wasn't true. My daughter and her husband even decided to aim for the next summer for the birth, which turned out to be July. I learned a longtime ago if something is true once, it's true many times and not an isolated incident. (There are often exceptions.) I do not feel that passing along my genes is important. I would never say I feel such a thing. I would say I think it. Feel and think are not synonymous, but it isn't anything I would say, no matter what. Right now, I think I'm wasting my time.
Many people work one or two jobs to pay their way through college. I know a successful MD that worked to put himself through medical school and came home so tired he had to get into an ice bath to keep himself awake long enough to study for the next class day. After class was out, it was back to work, then back home to another ice bath. He made plenty of sacrifices to do it, but he was successful.
He did help his son financially to go to medical school, but still insisted he work part time to cover some of the expenses to have some skin in the game. His son is now a successful MD is in own right, and has his head screwed on straight.
When my eldest hit her late 20s, she saw the writing on the wall and left a $50,000 a year job (retail/sales) to finish her college degree. She worked several part-time jobs and put herself through college.
Eight years later, she's now moving up the corporate ladder at an international company and I am so very proud of her. Seems like she gets raises every 90 days, and she says, "Mom, they keep telling me that I'm the best worker in the whole place. I'm not. I just do my job, show up every day, and I strive to avoid foolish mistakes."
IMHO, that's the reason kids should put themselves through college. It teaches hard lessons about the work ethic that will carry them far in this world.
BTW, that company she left went bankrupt and closed its doors.
I don't know much about their sources or anything, but it's saying only 77% of parents plan to help their kids out with college.
Why have a kid if you don't want to (or have the means to) help the kid succeed?
Say what you like about college, but good luck moving anywhere without a college degree.
Even a masters degree is becoming a pre req for a lot of good jobs.
There are many people who *don't* think college is necessary to succeed. Why saddle your child with significant debt that will most likely never be paid off and really doesn't matter in the long run for many kinds of jobs?
I want my kids to succeed, but success doesn't always come along with the piece of paper saying you studied an extra four years.
If my son knows he wants to be a plumber, he doesn't need a 4-year college degree to become one. If he wants to become an EMT, he doesn't need a 4-year degree. If my daughter knows she wants to be a nanny, she doesn't need a 4-year college degree to become one. If she wants to become an admin assistant, she doesn't need a 4-year degree. Would you say my children would NOT be success if they chose such careers for themselves?
Also, four-year degrees don't guarantee better jobs. Look at all the current graduates who are working in Starbucks or Olive Garden because they weren't able to find a job with their shiny new degree in Communications or Business Management.
As for my husband and me, by the time our kids graduate high school, we will have saved enough for our kids to pay for local community college, should they decide to go. We would expect them to get part-time jobs to help pay the bills if they continue to live at home. If they go away to a state school we have enough to pay for about two years. Then they are on their own. If they go to a private university, we'll have enough to pay for one semester. They can decide the route they take, and also take on the responsibility of paying for college should they opt NOT to go to a community college.
I worked through school, and obtained scholarships to help pay for it. I got a 4-year degree that I have not used one little bit in the 25 years since I graduated. While the experience of college was amazing, the degree is useless.
You are not doing your kids any favors however, they are your kids not ours so it is your choice.
I guess they all thought being mature adults and earning what they wanted on their own was much more important and rewarding to them than counting on Mom & Dad.
That's nice.
The majority of Asian parents feel it is their duty to pay for college and their kids' duty to put studies first as their 'job' and get great grades and then a great job.
Given that they overall outperform every other ethnic group with this 'entitled' mentality, I don't think that your philosophy necessarily holds water across the board.
If you have to force your kids to earn stuff like their education, then that's YOUR kids.
My parents never had to do that.
Lots of people's parents never had to do that.
We performed bc education is a rare and beautiful gift and opportunity not to be squandered.
Maybe, but I'm naturally a saver. I have around 10k saved up (I'm only 21), and I will live with my parents after college graduation for a few years (they have no issue with this) and save up whatever I earn til I feel more financially secure.
I would prefer to live by myself after college (and I'll have the means to do so), and I would have liked to have studied international affairs or history in college, but I'm making sacrifices now to ensure that I will be financially secure in as little time as possible.
If I have a child, I don't want to limit them because I can't afford the basic necessities (college is a necessity of the modern world, in my opinion). I find others opinions on this interesting. I feel that a parent's responsibility is to give their child the best opportunities. From what I can see, not paying for college does more harm than good.
I agree with your POV 100%. My mother and father would not. If they raised you, you would NOT have that 10,000 saved because the moment you started working they would have charged you rent, made you pay for your clothing and food. True story. Then you would have gotten a barrage of disinformation and discouragement in your major.
There's a ton of people who have children for their own selfish twisted reasons and really don't give a damn about providing for them or their future.
You are not doing your kids any favors however, they are your kids not ours so it is your choice.
Each of our children (5 of them) have gone to college and have varying levels of degrees.
They each paid their own way, they each have/had jobs, got married, had children and still kept grades up, paid their own way, bought homes or paid rent, utilities, etc. None of them ever moved back home once they left for college and none of them have asked for one penny in help. The most we have been allowed to do for them is take the kids for an evening or weekend so they could have a bit of alone time.
They even had the time to be in campus clubs and athletics so I'm not sure where the sacrifice you are talking about comes in regarding that.
I guess they all thought being mature adults and earning what they wanted on their own was much more important and rewarding to them than counting on Mom & Dad.
Yes, they are my kids and it is my choice! They have that safety net available and that has given them the confidence to try things. Two of 3 will have studied abroad. Two have attended multiple conferences related to their majors in other parts of the US, thus expanding their network for jobs. Two so far have had very well paid internships. The other has a part time summer job for spending money (but he's just starting out). They are awesome kids, have worked their butts off, have earned and kept academic scholarships (one worth $22,000), and are able to take advantage of opportunities presented to them. I have zero regrets, and every single one appreciates it!
It has worked out very well for me and my family. This is exactly what my family did for me when I was their age.
That's nice.
The majority of Asian parents feel it is their duty to pay for college and their kids' duty to put studies first as their 'job' and get great grades and then a great job.
Given that they overall outperform every other ethnic group with this 'entitled' mentality, I don't think that your philosophy necessarily holds water across the board.
If you have to force your kids to earn stuff like their education, then that's YOUR kids.
My parents never had to do that.
Lots of people's parents never had to do that.
We performed bc education is a rare and beautiful gift and opportunity not to be squandered.
No one "forced" any of them to go to college or pay their own way, they decided to do it on their own.
There is a difference between making mature adult decisions and earning what you have
and being forced to remain under mom and dad's financial thumb and learning learning how to be independent of the apron strings.
Yes, they are my kids and it is my choice! They have that safety net available and that has given them the confidence to try things. Two of 3 will have studied abroad. Two have attended multiple conferences related to their majors in other parts of the US, thus expanding their network for jobs. Two so far have had very well paid internships. The other has a part time summer job for spending money (but he's just starting out). They are awesome kids, have worked their butts off, have earned and kept academic scholarships (one worth $22,000), and are able to take advantage of opportunities presented to them. I have zero regrets, and every single one appreciates it!
It has worked out very well for me and my family. This is exactly what my family did for me when I was their age.
Your children have not done anything that ours haven't on their own with their own money that they earned and they have worked twice as hard because of it but they appreciate knowing how to live on a very small budget and being absolutely independent of the financial apron strings that can be tugged at anytime on Mom and Dad's whim.
Those of you who think you are giving your children a better advantage are not in reality doing anything to help them become independent adults but since you think you are, more power to you.
How about making sure the kids start studying harder during their high school years and obtain scholarships?
I did it!!!!
All 3 of them got full scholarships and my savings did not suffer. It is time to start shifting responsability to the children for their own futures. The notion that one has to go into debt so that tbey can succed is very wrong!
Most of them go and have a four year party at their parents expense!!!!!
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