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I would talk to him about it. Yes.
Not necessarily confiscate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann
Plain old porn? NO BIGGIE! That's totally normal behaviour.
Violent porn or seriously kinky stuff, I'd confiscate and have a talk with my son.
A: gay porn in the boy's room? I guess if I didn't know, I'd find out my son might be gay. No biggie.
B: porn in their 14 year old daughter's room? Girls are just as curious as guys. No biggie!
I kinda agree with this ^ here sort of attitude. My main concern is that:
a.) They understand that reality isn't like that.
b.) They don't get sucked into some of the really twisted stuff out there.
c.) They don't actually start interacting with strangers online.
d.) They don't overindulge to the point of damaging their views of women and expectations of sex, let alone the capacity to form healthy, loving and respectful relationships with love interests.
I would really rather catch them looking at nude photography of models posing alone, than videos of people in various acts. I worry about the wide crazy world of what is "out there" online. Curiosity doesn't perturb me, but obsession does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
No therapy needed. But at 14 I'd confiscate them and punish him. IMO, its no different than finding cigarettes or alcohol in his room.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
Its normal to want to know how it feels to be drunk. Its normal to try smoking. But its not acceptable for a minor to consume alcohol, smoke cigarettes or have pornography in my home.
(emphasis added by me)
At first I completely disagreed with you. But actually there is PART of your stance that I completely sympathize and agree with, and I've discussed it with my sons. Keeping porn lying around in their rooms is disrespectful to me as their Mom. They know, that if I go in there to pick up laundry or something and I happen across something like that, I'm not gonna be thrilled. And frankly we often have guests, they have sleepovers...I don't want to be the house that my son's friend's Mom won't let little Bobby come over anymore because my kids have dirty magazines.
Yet...despite my discomfort with porn and yes, I think it can be exploitative and perhaps have some mental health ramifications for some guys... Would I rather have a teenager all hopped up on hormones and unable to um...exercise those demons, if you will...desperate to get girls in bed so he could satisfy himself? Would I rather have him handling his own needs or having actual sex, at age 13, 14, 15, even 18? My husband did for the first time at age TWELVE. I was thirteen. We both had multiple partners during our teen years. Both of us had parents that tried at some point to instill in us that sex was dirty and bad, a grown-up secret and you should wait until marriage. It didn't work.
So really, I'm far more interested in my son's relationship with his girlfriend, and most especially that nothing is going on that will end in her pregnant, thrown out of her Mom's house and trying to move into mine! Compared to that prospect, him enjoying naughty pictures doesn't bug me AT ALL.
If a parent "found" porn it means they were snooping through their son's things rather than just cleaning. Leave the porn alone, period. I don't see anything wrong with him looking at porn. It's normal for teenaged guys to have raging hormones.
The boy is 14. The mother found Hustler mags from the 1980s. She took them, confronted him with them in front of the whole family (including grandparents), and sentenced him to weekly therapy for 3 months.
I am told he is in therapy because she is convinced he is a sex addict just because a few of the pages were stuck together. And yet, the mags are nearly 30 years old! How does she know they weren't in that condition before he got a hold of them?
I feel sorry for the chap...and I am happy to report I have heard he has been uncooperative with his therapist.
Man what a crappy mother... I think she needs therapy...
Ah yes, suppression of debate. That goes along with the authoritarian Islamic/Catholic mindset that prohibits porn in the first place.
Since I'm neither Islamic or Catholic, I fail to see why you would bring that up. I am not supressing debate on the topic at hand - how would you react if you found your child with pornography?
I find it a bit haughty to tell someone else what they should or should not care about. Sexual exploitation and human trafficking are very real issues and some of the people in those movies are not there of their own free will. I won't support the industry.
Yes actually I would. Also, if you trot on over to the "Should kids see their parents nude" thread you'll see I have absolutely nothing against nudity or sex.
You missed my point. What I am trying to say is that they already know that the peepee goes into a girl's geegee from their school sex ed. Seeing real photos in a Hustler magazine is just that, rather than drawings.
I know quite a few young teens. The ones doing those things are the ones who are allowed to do whatever they like without little oversight because "that's just what teens do." Bull****. Like all other people, teens live up to or down to the bar you set for them.
You KNOW QUITE A FEW TEENS? Well I HAVE RAISED two teenaged boys, (they are 27 and 30 now). Neither of them needed or received any counselling for peeking at girlie magazines which I'm sure they did. They are both quite normal sexually.
Give your head a shake!Do you have ANY idea how many girls come home pregnant who were raised in wonderful homes with great parents? You can set the bar any height you want, but if they are going to have sex, they don't pay attention to anyone's bar. When we talked to our boys about having sex, it wasn't about abstinence, it was about protection from pregnancy and the dangers of disease.
Each child is different. Some listen, some don't, and IMO, it does NOT reflect on how good or bad their parents are.
You KNOW QUITE A FEW TEENS? Well I HAVE RAISED two teenaged boys, (they are 27 and 30 now). Neither of them needed or received any counselling for peeking at girlie magazines which I'm sure they did. They are both quite normal sexually.
Give your head a shake!Do you have ANY idea how many girls come home pregnant who were raised in wonderful homes with great parents? You can set the bar any height you want, but if they are going to have sex, they don't pay attention to anyone's bar. When we talked to our boys about having sex, it wasn't about abstinence, it was about protection from pregnancy and the dangers of disease.
Each child is different. Some listen, some don't, and IMO, it does NOT reflect on how good or bad their parents are.
Notice I said this boy does not need therapy for looking at girlie mags. I protest the use of these materials on moral grounds. Surely you have moral lines you would like your children not to cross as well.
Yes, I KNOW QUITE A FEW TEENS AND SAID THAT IN RESPONSE TO THE QUESTION OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY NOT LOOKING AT MAGAZINES.
You conveniently ignored the part where I said I am 100% honest with my boys about sex, pregnancy, STDs, etc along with how to treat women.
If a parent "found" porn it means they were snooping through their son's things rather than just cleaning. Leave the porn alone, period. I don't see anything wrong with him looking at porn. It's normal for teenaged guys to have raging hormones.
I am a woman and I had a teenage porn stash.
No internet back then.
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Compared to that prospect, him enjoying naughty pictures doesn't bug me AT ALL.
