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And with the attitude I see on most parents, including yours, I can see why she'd rather stay home.
Oh, raising kids...it's so haaaaard. Well, ya did it to yourself. Stop whinging about "saving for college" and "can barely afford to save for retirement"
Yeah, I don't need to get a clue. I have a life. Dayum.
Are you serious? My husband and I are doing just fine affording our children, including having paid off our house at age forty, paid off our cars, and squirreled away enough to hand each kid a $60k check for university, along with funding our retirement, because...news flash: there are no pensions in our future. What frustrates me is paying the grandparent's way. We shell out at least $7k every year so our kids can spend time with their grandparents, who spontaneously retired to a sunny location, a thousand-plus miles away, while I was pregnant with their first grandchild! We haven't taken a family vacation in at least eight years, because all of our time off is sucked up traveling to see them! And now they complain vociferously that they've missed out on their grandchildren's lives.
Well, guess what, Grammy and Grampa, you chose that future when you packed up to live in a reverse kindergarten with a whole bunch of other retired people driving golf carts and eating out five days a week. That said, I love them and want my children to know them, so I bite my tongue and swallow my resentment when they cry poor mouth, and then I open my wallet just like I've done every other year for the past two decades. Because God knows they couldn't skip a couple of restaurant meals each week to put money aside for two plane tickets. They wouldn't even have to rent a car, because I would lend them mine.
There's more, but this rant needs to come to an end, because diving too deeply into this subject is likely to poison the next conversation I have with my mother, which I would very much like to be a pleasant experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anrev
Financially irresponsible people are gonna be the death of the US. oh wait, it already is.
Really? I'm the financially irresponsible party here? That's a laugh.
Last edited by randomparent; 07-15-2016 at 09:06 PM..
The first years that my husband was mildly disabled (and thus unemployed) money was pretty tight. I needed to return to work after taking early retirement due to my health issues. I started working full time as a substitute teacher. Depending on your area of the country, and your education skills, that could be something that you could consider (working as a substitute teacher or substitute teacher's aide). Many retired people only work a few days a month to earn extra money. Another, possibility would be to work for a temp agency to earn more money.
In addition to returning to work (to pay the bills) I also started figuring out extra ways to earn moneyto help save specifically to travel to visit my son/DIL/grandchildren. I started tutoring a student twice a week and doing occasional babysitting. My specialty was doing special needs babysitting or babysitting for out of towners attending weddings or events in my city. In addition, I also sold unneeded items through Craigslist or eBay. If you really put your mind to it I bet that you could save up enough money to board your dogs and to take a trip to see your grandchildren.
Sometimes, it was $30 for tutoring, other times it was $5 or $10 for an item sold on Craigslist and a couple of times it was $75 or $100 for babysitting Saturday all day & night while someone attended a wedding, reception and dance. Many times it was $4 or $8 or $12 for something sold on eBay.
While it does not sound like a lot it usually added up to two plane tickets & a frugal vacation to see our grandchildren every year. Our son, or our son & his family also traveled to see us once a year.
I also bartered items & skills to save money. I have traded babysitting for plates of home-made cookies that I needed for a celebration. I also traded caring for someone's cat for them to do alterations. Win-win. They had someone reliable care for their cat & did not have to pay for it and I did not have to pay to have someone do alterations that I could not do myself.
I wonder if you could barter some work at the dog boarding place to "pay" for their boarding once a year? Maybe they need someone to help clean, or file, or man the phone during busy lunch periods? Maybe they need someone to do a one time project, such as paint the walls or replace wall paper in the offices or something like that. You don't know unless you ask.
Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent
Are you serious? My husband and I are doing just fine affording our children, including having paid off our house at age forty, paid off our cars, and squirreled away enough to pay for all three of our children to attend university, along with funding our retirement, because...news flash: there are no pensions in our future. What frustrates me is paying the grandparent's way. We shell out at least $7k every year so our kids can spend time with their grandparents, who spontaneously retired to a sunny location, a couple of thousand miles from us, while I was pregnant with their first grandchild! We haven't taken a family vacation in at least eight years, because all of our time off is sucked up traveling to see them! And now they complain vociferously that they've missed out on their grandchildren's lives. Nice, right?
Well, guess what, Grammy and Grampa, you chose that future when you packed up to live in a reverse kindergarten with a whole bunch of other retired people driving golf carts and eating out five days a week in the sunshine state. That said, I love them and want my children to know them, so I bite my tongue and swallow my resentment when they cry poor mouth, and then I break out the credit card just like I've done every other year for the past two decades. Because God knows they couldn't skip a couple of restaurant meals each week to put money aside for two plane tickets once a year. They don't even have to rent a car, because I lend them mine.
Rant over, because diving too deeply into this subject is likely to poison the next conversation I have with my mother, which I would very much like to be a pleasant experience.
Randomparent, Wow! What a difference between the way your parents feel and the way that my husband and I feel. Can you picture your parents selling things on Craigslist or babysitting a stranger to earn enough money to pay for a plane ticket to visit you & their grandkids?
BTW, Instead of asking for money from our adult son, my disabled hubby and I try to slip a few dollars out of our SS to our son to help him pay for his airplane tickets.
Randomparent, Wow! What a difference between the way your parents feel and the way that my husband and I feel. Can you picture your parents selling things on Craigslist or babysitting a stranger to earn enough money to pay for a plane ticket to visit you & their grandkids?
BTW, Instead of asking for money from our adult son, my disabled hubby and I try to slip a few dollars out of our SS to our son to help him pay for his airplane tickets.
I need to stop, because I love and respect my parents, and this discussion is taking me down a road I'd rather not travel. The kids are almost grown, and what's done is done, but I guarantee you that I will not put my children in the same position.
You sound like a very kind and generous person, Germaine. How lucky your son is to have you in his life!
So in a few years the dogs will have passed away. But by then, maybe so will your relationship with your grandkids. Your son might be being a jerk (hard to tell without more background info) but he does have something of a point. When the dogs are gone, will you have a new reason to not go?
(I have a medium-large dog that's sixteen years old and healthy as a horse, so it's not exactly guaranteed your pooches are near the end of their lifespans, either.)
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent
Are you serious? My husband and I are doing just fine affording our children, including having paid off our house at age forty, paid off our cars, and squirreled away enough to hand each kid a $60k check for university, along with funding our retirement, because...news flash: there are no pensions in our future. What frustrates me is paying the grandparent's way. We shell out at least $7k every year so our kids can spend time with their grandparents, who spontaneously retired to a sunny location, a thousand-plus miles away, while I was pregnant with their first grandchild! We haven't taken a family vacation in at least eight years, because all of our time off is sucked up traveling to see them! And now they complain vociferously that they've missed out on their grandchildren's lives.
Well, guess what, Grammy and Grampa, you chose that future when you packed up to live in a reverse kindergarten with a whole bunch of other retired people driving golf carts and eating out five days a week. That said, I love them and want my children to know them, so I bite my tongue and swallow my resentment when they cry poor mouth, and then I open my wallet just like I've done every other year for the past two decades. Because God knows they couldn't skip a couple of restaurant meals each week to put money aside for two plane tickets. They wouldn't even have to rent a car, because I would lend them mine.
There's more, but this rant needs to come to an end, because diving too deeply into this subject is likely to poison the next conversation I have with my mother, which I would very much like to be a pleasant experience.
Really? I'm the financially irresponsible party here? That's a laugh.
Maybe, but it's been festering for a very long time.
The OP needs to think long and hard about what playing passive-aggressive games with her son means for her relationship with her grandchildren. There's no going back once the kids are grown. If you miss those years, they're gone for good.
Maybe, but it's been festering for a very long time.
The OP needs to think long and hard about what playing passive-aggressive games with her son means for her relationship with her grandchildren. There's no going back once the kids are grown. If you miss those years, they're gone for good.
I think you are in a better financial position than the OP. It isn't passive-aggressive to say one doesn't have the wherewithal to afford boarding pets, travel and hotels. I don't think grandparents owe it to their children to put themselves in debt to foster a relationship with grandchildren, nor do I think yearly visits are crucial to having one.
I think you are in a better financial position than the OP. It isn't passive-aggressive to say one doesn't have the wherewithal to afford boarding pets, travel and hotels. I don't think grandparents owe it to their children to put themselves in debt to foster a relationship with grandchildren, nor do I think yearly visits are crucial to having one.
I could be wrong -- it's been known to happen -- but I think she's using the dogs as an excuse not to go. Someone with a legitimate desire to see her grandchildren would not be on-line complaining about guilt trips. She would be figuring out how to get there despite the financial challenges.
I can see your son's point. I think it is probably a bigger hardship for them to visit you than you visit them. It costs a lot less to board a couple dogs than it does to fly an entire family somewhere. I have a large dog. We board her sometimes, it's not THAT expensive. We've also had a neighbor watch our dog, and that costs even less. Even if they are not on a fixed income, I am guessing they are not rolling in cash either, but you are expecting them to pay 10 times the cost of boarding a couple of dogs to some see you. My family lives across the country. When we go to visit (me, DH, and 2 kids), it's costs us thousands of dollars.
I did not noticeanything about the kids offering to pay for boarding the dogs.
He then proceeded to tell me he guesses the dogs are more important than the grandkids are , ...
That is a tough one. I can see both sides of it.
I have always envied those people that are super close to their Grandparents. It is such a plus in a child's life.
I think you are seeing your son's hurt. It is not guilting as much as it is hurt for his children.
What do you do with the dogs? I get it, it is not that simple when you don't have support around to take care of the dogs when you are away. I can easily see how it comes across to your son that your dogs are more important in your life.
In the end though your son's hurt feelings are not going to go away. You have to find a way to fix it. Come up with a plan for next year. Put a few dollars away every week. Be a dog sitter yourself and put that extra money in a fund for your trip next year.
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