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My point in using the exact same language the OP used, changing only the girl (and girl's parents) to boy (and boy's parents), was to suggest that boys and their parents are just as responsible as girls and their parents.
I am not taking sides in this case.
I am just very weary of girls being held responsible for birth control when it should be shared by both boys and girls and by both women and men. No male should expect the female to be the person responsible for birth control.
IF someone chooses to engage in sex, it is wise for condoms to be used to protect from sexual diseases, also.
"I failed" yada, yada, boo hoo. The OP needs a (figurative) smack in the head.
I get it. You're an upset parent. But guess what. It's no longer about you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's now about your son and your unborn grandson. Crying over yesterday isn't going to help anyone. You need a plan for tomorrow.
These things happen. They have been happening since the dawn of life (reproduction is why we have life, and we are wired to reproduce).
Now is the time to provide support for your son. You can't undo what's done - everyone needs to move forward to make the best of the situation.
There are various options and they need to be considered. You, your son, the girl, and her parents all need to talk this out and see where everyone expects this to go. The best option really depends on everyone's own situation and desires.
Approaching from an attitude of failure and negativity will not help anyone, you included. Maybe it's not what they planned, but a birth should still be a positive thing. You make the best of it and raise the child in a positive environment, not one of regret and failure.
This is where you need to tell your son to have his GF get an abortion. Don't let people tell you otherwise. It's the best solution.
BS. My daughter had to make a choice 5 years ago. An abortion or have the baby. Even with the father out of the picture now she is doing quite well. She has her own business and can support herself and him. All of us helped at times and she wants to buy a condo next year and I am prepared to help her then. The best solution is for everyone to work together to enable a good outcome.
Abortion IS NOT the best solution. The guy has to man to hell up and the families have to step up. Period.
My 17-year-old son has gotten his 18-year-old girlfriend pregnant. I am just beside myself with sadness and grief and anger and still stunned. I adopted this boy as a single parent from a bad situation when he was 7 and I've worked so hard to show him the right way. He's a senior in high school and just now started working a "real" job. She does work full time, lives at home, and can't drive. Neither is emotionally ready to be a parent. He was in the process of applying to colleges and is gifted musically and really had a lot of potential. He had access to protection and was fully aware of the dangers of not using it so it is dumbfounding to me how he let this happen. I'm mad at him and the girl and her parents. He would go over to her house and spend several hours in the evenings on the weekends and I don't understand what kind of parents would let an unemployed, irresponsible teenager have sex with their daughter without her being on birth control. And they are seemingly fine with the situation, looking forward to being grandparents. He is clueless as to what awaits him. I heard him talking about it with a friend and he said something like "Yeah, I'm going to have to save my money because I'll have to buy juice and stuff." I'm sad that he will have to learn a lot of hard lessons now when he should have been young and free, that he'll never know what he could have done with his music (he has lots of ambition in that regard), and that a human is coming into the world with these two as parents. I feel like a complete failure, more than I ever have, and I don't know what to do or say. Guess I'm looking for guidance and advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.
First off...happens in the best of families. So quit being angry. Quit beating up your son and yourself.
Second, a lot of this is up to the girl. Not your son. Not her parents. Her. It's on her shoulders because she's a legal adult, one who is about to earn her Grown Up badge in a hurry. My grandmother used to say that babies make children into adults. So once your son's girlfriend makes her decision, and only then, will you know what to do. Legal adoption is likely the best solution in this situation for everyone involved, but be prepared if she doesn't go down that path
Third, once her decision is made, it's time to have a talk with your son about what's now happening and the ramifications without getting self-righteous and angry. Your son has just had a rude shock to life's realities and probably has learned more in a short period of time than you can ever teach him. That being said, what you have to do now is point out that he's chosen to grow up, and needs to think like a grownup in this situation. That means responsibility for the mess he's helped create. If she keeps the child, he'll have to be involved. It doesn't mean he should give up his education, but it does mean that he's going to have to be really serious about it, balancing school and work. For he now has a kid to support. So a calm, cool reality check is in order.
Your son needs guidance, okay? Not recriminations.
This is where you need to tell your son to have his GF get an abortion. Don't let people tell you otherwise. It's the best solution.
Right, because, as they say, "her body, her boyfriend's parents' choice." oh wait...
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