What's your policy on sleepovers?? (babysitter, teenager, toddler, activity)
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I think 5 is too young. I'd be more comfortable with 7 or 8.
I would only allow it if you know the other girl's parents well
I would never allow it if guns are in the house.
Sleepovers are fun and a right of passage in childhood. I just think 5 is a bit young for them but you know your daughter best.
My daughter is only 5 and she's been asked to sleepover on several occasions. I have a niece to does sleepovers a lot (nearly every weekend), and I just don't understand the benefit to them. They stay up late, eat junk food, and do questionable things (like talk to boys, the internet, etc.). My husband and I are on the same page about sleepovers, we just don't want to go down that road, at all. But my questions are: Are they ever appropriate? Do kids benefit from them? Why are people asking us already when my kid is only 5? How can I say we don't do sleepovers without sounding judgemental?
How does everyone feel about them? Enlighten me please.
I feel like there are times when sleepovers can be great for kids, but it is always up to you as the parent to make the decision. You have to weigh all the variables of the situation: How well do you know the family hosting the sleepover? How comfortable do you feel with their home environment? How comfortable do you feel with the other kids who will be at the sleepover? How mature is your child? How does your child cope with stressful situations? Are there any other guests - adult guests? - staying in the home? Are there any adults who will be drinking or doing drugs/smoking pot, what about cigarettes, pipes, or cigars? And so on... you have to answer as many questions as you can and then decide if you feel comfortable with it.
My oldest son has been to a few sleepovers. From a mother's point of view, I cannot say that he has benefited from them at all! He comes home feeling sick from too much junk food, and extremely grumpy and exhausted from lack of sleep. He spends the day after the sleepover in a lump on the couch, recovering, basically. Of course, when he "comes to"... I listen to him talk of the fun he had for the next several days! For my oldest son and his friends... it means no bedtime schedule, no game time rules, staying up as late as you want, play games as long as you want, and pig out on junk food. A gamer-boy heaven in the form of some sort of temporary anarchy, I suppose. Fortunately, he has only had about 4 of these so far. He is 13.
My youngest is 8. He has been invited a few times, but I have always made the decision to say no. A few times we decided against the sleepover because the family members were smokers, and we have a history of asthma and allergies. I simply told them that, and they acted as if they understood. It seemed to go over OK. One time I declined the invitation because I didn't know them well enough. I simply told them that as well, "I'm sorry but I'm just not comfortable with having him sleep over until we get to know each other better..." and it actually worked out really well because we began setting more playdates with that family and we have become closer friends.
I feel like the trickiest situation involves family. Well-meaning relatives, mothers, cousins, grandparents, etc. It's hard to decline their invitations for sleepovers without igniting family drama. Or maybe it was just my family... I now live thousands of miles away from any relatives so thankfully we don't have this issue anymore. There's an occasional "you should let the kids fly out here on their own and stay with us for awhile..." kind of thing they have done a few times in the past, but I have always sort of just let it go, sort of blown it off, and then tried to pretend they never really said anything at all about it. My relatives are crazy people and there's no way I'd do that to my kids.
When we did live close, though... it was a chalenge. Even more so because at the time our kids were really little so if something would have happened to them that was bad or scary, they would not have been able to tell us very easily. So I found every excuse I could to tell them - my crazy family - why I couldn't let the kids spend the night. Luckily (for this situation, anyway) there are a lot of drinker's, cusser's, and smoker's in my family, so those were the reasons I gave most often. Many of them also have disgusting, filthy, homes... even worse than the ones you see on the How Clean is Your House show... really bad... that was another lucky excuse I used. I didn't want my kids around that sort of stuff, especially at such a young age.
Anyway... you are being judgemental when you make decisions... you're the parent and you judge what's right for your kids. I think most "normal" parents respect other parents decisions and if you just simply tell them the truth about how you're feeling, it will all work out for the best. Honesty is always best path to take if you're brave enough to take it.
I agree!!! I feel sorry for that poor little girl! Poor little thing can't enjoy being a kid all because of her own parents fears and insecurities. Sad.
I take offense to this comment since you have no clue as to who I am or how I parent my children. Why should you feel sorry for my kids, who are loved, taken care of, educated, and given great experiences every day? Give me a break. Just because I happen to question the idea of sleepovers doesn't make my children so sad and pathetic. Give me a break. I personally feel sorry for kids who have no guidelines, who are able to do whatever they want because "it's all part of being a child". I am highly offended.
I'm not advocating being overprotective here, but there are other issues involving sleep-overs besides abuse or guns...which can affect boys as well as girls. I have personal reasons for saying this which I'm not comfortable discussing on this board. Just let me reiterate strongly that if you decide to allow sleep-overs (even for male teens!) that you thoroughly are on the same page with their friends' parents about what will be allowed concerning curfew, etc. It can be life or death for your child. Don't assume your child will always make the correct decision either. Make certain you communicate with the other parents and they are on board with your wishes.
My daughter is only 5 and she's been asked to sleepover on several occasions. I have a niece to does sleepovers a lot (nearly every weekend), and I just don't understand the benefit to them. They stay up late, eat junk food, and do questionable things (like talk to boys, the internet, etc.). My husband and I are on the same page about sleepovers, we just don't want to go down that road, at all. But my questions are: Are they ever appropriate? Do kids benefit from them? Why are people asking us already when my kid is only 5? How can I say we don't do sleepovers without sounding judgemental?
How does everyone feel about them? Enlighten me please.
I think sleepovers are good fun and part of growing up and making friends. It's not designed around the parents that's for sure. I don't mind the staying up late and snacking on popcorn so much as I do the questionable activities. That's when what started out as a sleepover turns into their prison for the evening.
What's your policy on sleepovers? In general, we don't allow them. The world's too crazy now, unless I know the family very well I just don't feel comfortable allowing my daughter to spend the night.
And, I don't allow other children to spend the night here, I don't want the risk that we would be accused of doing something "weird". They prompt kids to invent such stories, I was spending the night camping and Billy's Dad got up in the middle of the night and made me uncomfortable............hey, that's all that's needed to ruin someone's life.
Also, I insist on knowing where my children are. tonight my daughter wanted to spend the night with a neighbor, I said no, because I don't know them. But she's a policewoman. so what, that doesn't mean she's above reproach. Then I found out later the other child was alone all night, her policewoman mother works nights and leaves her daughter alone. Sorry, I don't think two girls alone in the house is a responsible situation. Policewoman or not, I set the rules and limits, not the neighbors.
So, just in general, do you allow sleepovers? I think they're way too risky, you never know what could go on in someone else's house, and you're opening yourself up for false accusations if you allow sleepovers in your home. That's just my stance, I would appreciate hearing how other parents view it!
I was never really comfortable with sleepovers for the reasons you outlined. Unfortunately, most young girls see the sleepover as a very desirable thing. I did allow my daughter to go on a handful of sleepovers with very close friends once she was old enough to understand inappropriateness. We've hosted a few sleepovers as well. You might want to wade into these waters by inviting just one girl over - that's how we started. I think it was a good experience for my daughter, but I was definitely cautious. Best wishes.
Our kids have been doing sleepovers for a long time. We just had the girls in the saxophone section of the marching band over last weekend. I can't imagine living my life in such a state of paranoia. We do have limits, we do want to meet the parents, we have a code word if the kids don't feel comfortable and we will pick them up--never had to use it. Some people watch WAY too much TV and live their life that way. At some point in time you have to let your kids develop a sense about people. You can't always make that decision for them because actually, kids tend to have a better read on people then adults. I have trusted my kids opinion on who they want to play with since they were toddlers and they have done an excellent job picking friends.
Our kids have been doing sleepovers for a long time. We just had the girls in the saxophone section of the marching band over last weekend. I can't imagine living my life in such a state of paranoia. We do have limits, we do want to meet the parents, we have a code word if the kids don't feel comfortable and we will pick them up--never had to use it. Some people watch WAY too much TV and live their life that way. At some point in time you have to let your kids develop a sense about people. You can't always make that decision for them because actually, kids tend to have a better read on people then adults. I have trusted my kids opinion on who they want to play with since they were toddlers and they have done an excellent job picking friends.
How does your code word thing work??
I started a thread on this a while back and felt as if I got slammed by a lot of mothers. I have a 6 year old, and I know it won't be long before she wants to do the sleepover thing. I'm not very comfortable with it either. I've told her that I'm not keen on sleepovers, and she doesn't get the appeal of them... yet... I know there are quite a few girls in her age range that already do them...
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Sleepovers?
