What's your policy on sleepovers?? (BF, accident, daughters, 15 year old)
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Our kids have been doing sleepovers for a long time. We just had the girls in the saxophone section of the marching band over last weekend. I can't imagine living my life in such a state of paranoia. We do have limits, we do want to meet the parents, we have a code word if the kids don't feel comfortable and we will pick them up--never had to use it. Some people watch WAY too much TV and live their life that way. At some point in time you have to let your kids develop a sense about people. You can't always make that decision for them because actually, kids tend to have a better read on people then adults. I have trusted my kids opinion on who they want to play with since they were toddlers and they have done an excellent job picking friends.
It is too bad that we live in paranoia. I allow sleepovers. It's okay to lend the child a cell phone in case they want to come home for some reason. One of mine did call to be picked up and I found out later there were some problems with that family. Mostly they screamed at each other and used screaming as a form of discipline but the parents also fought that way.
I think it's better to try to create the kind of childhood for our kids that we remember ourselves as much as possible so they don't grow up afraid.
Our kids have been doing sleepovers for a long time. We just had the girls in the saxophone section of the marching band over last weekend. I can't imagine living my life in such a state of paranoia. We do have limits, we do want to meet the parents, we have a code word if the kids don't feel comfortable and we will pick them up--never had to use it. Some people watch WAY too much TV and live their life that way. At some point in time you have to let your kids develop a sense about people. You can't always make that decision for them because actually, kids tend to have a better read on people then adults. I have trusted my kids opinion on who they want to play with since they were toddlers and they have done an excellent job picking friends.
Thank you for being the voice of reason. The amount of paranoia that people allow themselves to live under is astounding. The world is not different today than it was 30 years ago. The only thing that has changed is the number of news media reporting the news. There were perverts 50 years ago. My mother tells me some amusing stories of how she and her sisters would be on the lookout for perverts on the NYC subway system when they were little girls. They were taught caution but not to live under some bubble simply because there are freaks in the world. The freaks are not new they were here all along.
We allow our kids to sleep out when we know the parents. We do not let our kids sleep out if we do not know the parents. We do not let our teenagers sleep out if the parents will be gone all night, although we don't object if the teenagers are alone for a couple of hours while the parents go out. We just want there to be an adult there overnight. Most of the time the parents order pizza for the boys, then go out and get some dinner and return home. If a teenager cannot be trusted to be in someone's house for a few hours while the parents go out for a bite, then you probably shouldn't let them sleep out at all. I wouldn't want them home alone overnight though.
The only problem I ever have is when my 10 year old wants to sleep out and the parents are getting a babysitter. If I know the babysitter (most of the time it's a sibling of the sleepover kid) I don't have a problem. We allow sleepovers at our house but only when we know the family of the kid.
Our kids frequently have trips with the football team(DS 15) or marching band (DS 13) and the kids have to be at school really early in the AM. It makes sense for the kids to sleep in one place and have only a handful of parents having to get up early to take them to school. Sure it's a burden when you have to take 4 kids, but it's also 3 other trips that you DON'T have to take them at 6AM.
DD (age 4) has never been to a sleep over. (I am excluding grandparents, aunts and cousins houses)
DS (age 8) has, now that I think of it, never slept at a friend's house either. He slept at one of my cousins houses, and never will again due to some circumstances that came to light afterward, but will be sleeping at a friend's house tonight. I know the parents very well, they are my friends, so I am perfectly ok with that.
We have also never had non family members sleep over here.
It is not that I am particularly against this, but most of the kids my children are friends with I am also friends with the parents. So *if* they wanted to sleep over or vice versa, it would not be a problem.
I would not allow my children to sleep somewhere if I did not know the parents enough to give me a comfort level about them. Bottom line. If I don't feel the parents are on the same page with me parenting-wise, my kid is not going to stay there overnight. And it's not that I'm some goody-two-shoes kind of parent, but whatever my standards happen to be is what I'm going to look for in parents that want my kids to sleep over.
This is not paranoia, it is good common sense.
I don't see any reason to send a kid to SLEEP at someone's house if you have never been in the house, never met the parents, and don't even know who lives in the house. That's just irresponsible in my book. I don't care how old the kid is.
We allow our daughter (almost 11) to sleep over if we know the parents, otherwise, no. Her first sleepover was in 1st grade and she was probably too young. She called me a couple of times, very homesick, but didn't want me to pick her up. She's been fine ever since then. We also have girls sleepover here.
When a child comes over to our house for the first time, I have a standard speech I give, where I say something like "I know it's strange to drop your child off at a stranger's house, but please know that we don't own any guns, we're not expecting any other adults to come over, my husband might have a beer but I'm not a drinker and certainly won't drink while the girls are here. Please leave me a number where I can reach you if I need to." I'm both trying to put them at ease and let them know what our standards are.
And, for the record, something like 85% of child abuse is caused by relatives and close friends rather than strangers.
I started a thread on this a while back and felt as if I got slammed by a lot of mothers. I have a 6 year old, and I know it won't be long before she wants to do the sleepover thing. I'm not very comfortable with it either. I've told her that I'm not keen on sleepovers, and she doesn't get the appeal of them... yet... I know there are quite a few girls in her age range that already do them...
They just call us and tell us they aren't feeling well. That way if someone else is around it is a plausible excuse to go home. Again, we have never actually used this. Our kids started going on sleepovers around kindergarten or so and they are now all in high school. We have never had an issue with a sleepover other than them coming home tired from staying up all night .
My daughter is 7 and has yet to have a sleepover. We are really not looking forward to the time that it becomes an issue. It seems that her friends are not doing it either at this point. No one is asking nor is she.
I just read an article in the paper last week that parents ,more and more,are doing what is being referred to as; stayovers.
The kids have friends over,come in their pj's, watch movies,gossip,eat junk food and stay until 11pm or midnight,but then they go home and sleep in their own homes with their own families.
I think it is a great idea and hope that we can do something similar when the issue comes up.
I know there will be parents saying that it is inconvenient,etc.... but,I personally would feel much better knowing that my child is home in her own house,sleeping.
well... I will look into the book but in all honesty, for those that "doubt" that things will happen.
We just had an incident where several 7-8 yr old little girls, spent the night at a "good friends" house and the parents apparently knew each other very well.... turns out that the father had an extracurriculear activity that included looking at child porn on the computer and inviting his daughter's friends to also take a look.... the kids obviously knew this was a little "strange" and told their parents.
Sorry, the old "get to know the parents" thing doesn't cut it for me.
I mean ,how long does it take to REALLY get to know someone and their family? we just moved to the area we are living last year and I don't feel that I know anyone well enough yet to allow my child to spend the night there and I would expect that they feel the same way.
How does one get to know the family well if everyone is working and busy during the week? I am not trying to sound facetious, I am serious, how does one get to know the family THAT well.
I like to believe that all people are good ,but unfortunately you can't be that sure anymore.
Again,this particular incident involved children who all lived in the same neighborhood,parents all knew eachother well (again,what does that mean?) and no one ever knew that this was going on.. until the sleepover and the idiot didn't think that one of the girls was going to say something?
I also read the blog, funny,but my reasons have nothing to do with the fact that at the sleepover the kids are eating junk food..... there are alot more issues to be concerned with.
How does one feel about parents drinking when their children are having a sleepover?
The parents upstairs having some beer or wine,while the kids are downstairs having fun? one would assume that the adults are going to be responsible,right? and what does it hurt if the other parents are unaware that the adults that are suppose to be supervising their kids for an entire night are upstairs playing beer pong? (oh yeah-it happens).
I mean honestly, woman drink at playdates these days , "the margarita playdates", they happen too...
Not against a nice glass of wine or a cold Corona,but one can never be to careful-sorry.....
So what are you going to do? Lock them up until they're 18 and then let them loose in the big bad world by themselves? That father could have easily shown porn to the kids at noon on a Saturday so really play dates should be out completely because you just never know.
Truthfully the kids handled it correctly. They told their parents and no one was seriously hurt, hopefully someone called the cops on the father.
But that's me, I've been known to enjoy a nice glass of wine with my neighbors while the kids play or watch a movie. Someone call CPS!
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