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We are very picky when it comes to sleepovers. My husband works for CPS; I'm a newspaper reporter. So, we're familiar with what goes on behind the scenes in many homes b/c of our access to the court system.
We won't let our dds sleep over unless we know the parents. Recently our 13-year-old dd became friends with the dd of a prominent local police chief. She wanted to sleepover and told us, "of course it's safe, so and so dad's a police chief." We still made her and her new friend have a few play dates before allowing the sleepover. Beforehand, my husband met with the friend's dad to get to know him.
I think sleepovers can be lots of fun (I have great memories of the ones I attended 30 years ago), but they can also put your child at risk. I'd rather be overly cautious than allow someone to hurt my child. Last year a man in our state was convicted of drugging and molesting his dd's friend during a sleepover. I'm not taking any chances.
The bolded is common sense IMHO. Too many people let their children associate with people and go back and forth and spend a lot of time with parents (overnight or not) without even getting to know them. Big mistake IMHO just because you should always get to know the children and the adults that are in the circle of your children(s) lives
The bolded is common sense IMHO. Too many people let their children associate with people and go back and forth and spend a lot of time with parents (overnight or not) without even getting to know them. Big mistake IMHO just because you should always get to know the children and the adults that are in the circle of your children(s) lives
I agree with this.
GET TO KNOW THE PARENTS.
So many people fear the unknown but they don't get to know the unknown, they don't make the effort to get to know kids friends, they just live in fear, oh this may happen, oh that may happen, I don't know their parents.
I wholeheartedly believe that when you become a parent part of being a parent is to get to know the parents of your kids friends, so you kids can sleep over and go over to their friends houses instead of living in the unknown and fearing everything.
I certainly don't want to be disagreeable but how do you "get to know" the parents? Do you seriously believe that little Janie's Mother is going to introduce herself to you at the PT-A meeting and say, "I'm usually drunk/stoned every night by eight o'clock" or the Dad saying, "I love to watch little girls change into their jammies and I will personally hug and kiss every little sleepover child at bedtime".
People have always and forever presented a public face and a face that they wear when the front door closes. And no matter how well you think you "know the parents", you don't.
But let's say you do get to know them. And they are what they seem to be. Do you know their other, older children? and their older children's friends? And any visitors who may come to the home while your little one is sleeping over? Or dear old Uncle Harry who likes to hang around?
This is not alarmist propaganda - this is reality. The odds may be small that your child will be a victim. What is your allowable probability?
Yes. After the first week of start of new school year I send my phone number to school with my son in his book bag to give to his teacher to give to my sons classmates parents. Along with my number is a quick note telling them my name and how my son has said something about their child. I ask that they call so we can schede a play date for my child with theirs at a mutual location so the kids can play and we the parents can get to know one another. We move every 2-3yrs and I dont waste time waiting to feel comfortable or for someone else to approach me first. If my kid mentions about wanting a playdate with a classmate, I make the effort to get to know the parents. After several playdates at mutual locations (park, mcdonalds, and such) they are moved to thw parents home. It doesn't take much to be involved in the lives of the people your child will associate with, you just have to make the effort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy
I certainly don't want to be disagreeable but how do you "get to know" the parents? Do you seriously believe that little Janie's Mother is going to introduce herself to you at the PT-A meeting and say, "I'm usually drunk/stoned every night by eight o'clock" or the Dad saying, "I love to watch little girls change into their jammies and I will personally hug and kiss every little sleepover child at bedtime".
People have always and forever presented a public face and a face that they wear when the front door closes. And no matter how well you think you "know the parents", you don't.
But let's say you do get to know them. And they are what they seem to be. Do you know their other, older children? and their older children's friends? And any visitors who may come to the home while your little one is sleeping over? Or dear old Uncle Harry who likes to hang around?
This is not alarmist propaganda - this is reality. The odds may be small that your child will be a victim. What is your allowable probability?
Yes. After the first week of start of new school year I send my phone number to school with my son in his book bag to give to his teacher to give to my sons classmates parents. Along with my number is a quick note telling them my name and how my son has said something about their child. I ask that they call so we can schede a play date for my child with theirs at a mutual location so the kids can play and we the parents can get to know one another. We move every 2-3yrs and I dont waste time waiting to feel comfortable or for someone else to approach me first. If my kid mentions about wanting a playdate with a classmate, I make the effort to get to know the parents. After several playdates at mutual locations (park, mcdonalds, and such) they are moved to thw parents home. It doesn't take much to be involved in the lives of the people your child will associate with, you just have to make the effort.
You are missing theatergypsy's point completely, which is that the public face of people and the reality are often very different, especially when you factor in siblings and the friends of siblings and neighbors.
You are missing theatergypsy's point completely, which is that the public face of people and the reality are often very different, especially when you factor in siblings and the friends of siblings and neighbors.
This frequently happens, Topaz, when people read the first line of a post and respond to that only, as has been done in the case you cited. Thank you.
Some miss the point intentionally in an attempt to reinforce their own position.
Last edited by theatergypsy; 03-07-2012 at 12:32 PM..
Reason: Had an additional thought.
You are missing theatergypsy's point completely, which is that the public face of people and the reality are often very different, especially when you factor in siblings and the friends of siblings and neighbors.
I didn't miss the point.. her exact fears of people hiding them trueselves can be said for the very same people who live in your own home. Most often we are surprised by the people that we are the closest too. You can't live your life on "what ifs" IMO
And I actually read the whole post theatergypsy. Just because my stance on the issue differs than yours, doesn't mean I stopped reading after your first sentence, but whatever
I didn't miss the point.. her exact fears of people hiding them trueselves can be said for the very same people who live in your own home. Most often we are surprised by the people that we are the closest too. You can't live your life on "what ifs" IMO
And I actually read the whole post theatergypsy. Just because my stance on the issue differs than yours, doesn't mean I stopped reading after your first sentence, but whatever
I commend you, ohiobound, for your efforts in acquainting yourself with the parents of your child's friends. Many people don't. I've seen it myself that playdates often become a couple of hours of "me time" for parents who don't really care where their children are, as long as it's not underfoot.
I do agree with your contention that those closest to us can often be the ones we should fear, it's my contention that living with someone gives us a better look at both the public and the private "faces".
I did my due diligence for 35 years, at which time my youngest reached the age of 18. I only hope that every child lives life safe from predators. And I continue to be anti-sleepover.
My daughter had her first sleepover in kindergarten. She has had many since (our home and other homes), and they have been a great source of joy for her. Some kids love them more than anything. They are also a nice break for the parents when they are in someone else's home. Just make sure you have a good sense of the other family.
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