What's your policy on sleepovers??

[sheena12]

I have children in their mid to late teens. I am still strict and careful when it comes to sleepovers. Anyone can sleep here but my children can sleep limited places. I need to know where and to know the friend.

My kids can sleep outside of the house for one night only. I have a reason for this. That is, unless they are visiting a friend that we know well, out of town.We are all for reunions with friends from former schools or summer camp who are well known to us and whose parents have similar values.

We trust our children. However we know that not all kids their age should be trusted. Teenagers are not always trust worthy, and teenagers never have the best judgement when it comes to the selection of peers.
Our two included.

Sleeping over a friend's house as an early teen or tween is part of normal development and growth. Sleeping over, in the mid teens has lost it's novelty by that point. Some teens use the sleepover ruse to stay out late and run the streets.

Generally at this age, when it comes to sleep overs, I am OK if it's at my house. Sleeping out? Not so OK.

For the 9 - 13 crowd? Normal. A right of passage.

[Gilah G.]

My parents did not "see evil everywhere" they let me go to sleepovers back in the70's and knew the families.

MY PROBLEM is evil did happen to me on 2 occasions.
I felt guilty for many years. I thought perhaps something I DID provoked this.
brothers and my friends father were the culprits.
At 9 and 11 years the guilt associated with a boy and a man feeling you up and threatening you not to say anything is a fear I can never fully explain to anyone, much less a message board where opinions are like *******s.

I cannot with a clear conscious, let me 9 hr old daughter sleep under someone else's roof.
Call me crazy. Call me overprotective. Call me strict. Call me whatever. Call me a shrink.....
Whatever...
Thank god I have a husband who understands my fear. Thank god I have a husband who teaches her self defense, takes Krav Maga lessons with her, helped her earn her Black belt, and teaches her how to protect herself with weapons. Thank god he teaches her to speak up, and to be aware, and not to be too trusting.
I would never forgive myself if something happened to her at a sleepover.
Our policy is No sleepovers where I will not be involved. She has sleepovers in our home.

I did not tell my parents what happened to me till I was an adult. The guilt they had when I told them was heartbreaking.
To be honest, I wouldn't want to be a kid in today's world.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by Gilah G.

My parents did not "see evil everywhere" they let me go to sleepovers back in the70's and knew the families.

MY PROBLEM is evil did happen to me on 2 occasions.
I felt guilty for many years. I thought perhaps something I DID provoked this.
brothers and my friends father were the culprits.
At 9 and 11 years the guilt associated with a boy and a man feeling you up and threatening you not to say anything is a fear I can never fully explain to anyone, much less a message board where opinions are like *******s.

I cannot with a clear conscious, let me 9 hr old daughter sleep under someone else's roof.
Call me crazy. Call me overprotective. Call me strict. Call me whatever. Call me a shrink.....
Whatever...
Thank god I have a husband who understands my fear. Thank god I have a husband who teaches her self defense, takes Krav Maga lessons with her, helped her earn her Black belt, and teaches her how to protect herself with weapons. Thank god he teaches her to speak up, and to be aware, and not to be too trusting.
I would never forgive myself if something happened to her at a sleepover.
Our policy is No sleepovers where I will not be involved. She has sleepovers in our home.

I did not tell my parents what happened to me till I was an adult. The guilt they had when I told them was heartbreaking.
To be honest, I wouldn't want to be a kid in today's world.

Thank you for sharing. You and your husband are being great parents by teaching your daughter to be assertive and to protect herself.

[AnotherTouchOfWhimsy]

My kids are 10 and 12. There are a very few select friends at whose houses they can sleep over. These are families where I know both parents well (if both parents live in the house, obviously). We have had kids sleep over here occasionally... up until now, it's only been kids whose parents I know well enough to feel comfortable letting mine go to their house, too.

There is a standing rule that if a kid wants to go home, then s/he can go home, period. I would never leave my child at someone's house if they didn't want to be there. I might make an exception for that if it were at Grandma's house or something; I know that nothing is going to happen to them there. But if a kid feels uncomfortable for any reason, then we pick them up. We've had to do that only once, and it wasn't anything sinister at all; my daughter can still go and play or try another sleepover at the family's house. But I wouldn't ever want her to think that if she feels uncomfortable, she can't call home at any time. That would go for when she's 16/17/18 years old as well (and for my son too, of course).

[ADVentive]

My oldest just turned 7 and had her first sleepover for her birthday party. She was aware that other kids are starting to have sleepovers, and wanted to do it. She invited 3 girls from her class. One had never done a sleepover before either, one had done one but it was at her own house, and the last had done a sleepover at a friend's house before.

When they first arrived, they went outside and played with the hose and on the swing set. Then they came in and had pizza and cake. They played dress-up in her room for a while. They got themselves into their pajamas and layed out their sleeping bags. They stayed up talking until midnight. One of them was briefly homesick, but was satisfied to look up her mom's pictures on Facebook. They finally all piled into my daughter's bed and fell asleep there (not in their sleeping bags after all). They started waking up at 5:30am, which I didn't expect at all. They were all up by 6:30. They played with toys until we got up and made breakfast. After breakfast they went outside and played with the hose and swing set again. Then they came in and got themselves dressed, and then played with paints until their parents came.

They were very self-directed - I had no set activities planned for them. There was no TV or computers or cell phones (except for when we looked for the one girl's mom on Facebook to see her pictures). They stayed up late and woke up early, but that's to be expected I think. Overall, they had a good time and I felt good about my daughter's first sleepover experience. I will still be a bit nervous the first time she sleeps at someone else's house though.

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by Gilah G.

My parents did not "see evil everywhere" they let me go to sleepovers back in the70's and knew the families.

MY PROBLEM is evil did happen to me on 2 occasions.
I felt guilty for many years. I thought perhaps something I DID provoked this.
brothers and my friends father were the culprits.
At 9 and 11 years the guilt associated with a boy and a man feeling you up and threatening you not to say anything is a fear I can never fully explain to anyone, much less a message board where opinions are like *******s.

I cannot with a clear conscious, let me 9 hr old daughter sleep under someone else's roof.
Call me crazy. Call me overprotective. Call me strict. Call me whatever. Call me a shrink.....
Whatever...
Thank god I have a husband who understands my fear. Thank god I have a husband who teaches her self defense, takes Krav Maga lessons with her, helped her earn her Black belt, and teaches her how to protect herself with weapons. Thank god he teaches her to speak up, and to be aware, and not to be too trusting.
I would never forgive myself if something happened to her at a sleepover.
Our policy is No sleepovers where I will not be involved. She has sleepovers in our home.

I did not tell my parents what happened to me till I was an adult. The guilt they had when I told them was heartbreaking.
To be honest, I wouldn't want to be a kid in today's world.

Every parent does the best they know how with the tools and knowledge they bring to the table I think. Except the really lame people out there that shouldn't be breeding...you know...the Walmart people...but normal folks? Nah, no one should condemn you for being protective. I think if my kids were daughters and not sons we'd probably be somewhat more protective too. They'd still be able to visit friends during the day and run around a safe neighborhood and everything but I'd be more wary of letting them do sleepovers outside the home. The martial arts training, that is AWESOME. I've heard of that style (my husband knows this stuff)...it's pretty bad*** from what I hear. I think it is excellent parenting policy to get kids in martial arts in general. It teaches them self control and helps shape good moral behavior too, if you've chosen your dojo well.


EDIT: I want to add that I don't think there are any more evil people in the world today than there were at any time in history. A kid is no more or less likely to be abused in any fashion. What IS different is that there is a much higher likelihood of it being photographed or recorded than ever before. Which adds a horrific layer of humiliation to the situation, BUT also provides concrete proof for prosecution if it comes to that. And as awful as the whole "anyone has a camera" thing can be, there are many up-sides to kids having cell phones, I really like that my boys can reach me anytime they need to, easily. A kid can step into a bathroom, whip out a cell phone, make a discreet call home and have a parent come get them in minutes, no explanations required.