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I agree with you about children taking on more responsibility for themselves and in service to the rest of the family as they grow. I think some confusion has arisen in this thread because some of us have younger kids who clearly not capable of taking on some of the tasks you have described; however, your point about the importance of age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities is most certainly valid. We don't do children any favors by coddling them, but getting us all to agree about what constitutes coddling is going to be challenging.
Personally, I think if I drove my kids less than a mile to school in 65-degree weather, rather than telling them to hop on their bikes, it would qualify as coddling. On the other hand, when the temperature hit -17 degrees a couple of weeks ago and there was six inches of snow on the ground, I think my decision to drive them was perfectly reasonable.
Personally, I think if I drove my kids less than a mile to school in 65-degree weather, rather than telling them to hop on their bikes, it would qualify as coddling. On the other hand, when the temperature hit -17 degrees a couple of weeks ago and there was six inches of snow on the ground, I think my decision to drive them was perfectly reasonable.
So, I have a question for you. What if it were snowing and 20 degrees outside and your car was in the shop and you had no one to drive your kids and all the cabs were busy? Basically, what if they couldn't get to school other than to walk in that weather? Would you let them stay home?
I ask because stuff like this is exactly why kids throw fits, they can't understand what looks like an inconsistency to them, i.e., if it's snowing and cold, mom drives and if mom can't drive, then we don't go to school because walking is out of the question.
Interesting point. At twenty degrees and snowing, it would depend on the wind. Light snow? We'd walk. Blizzard-type snow (i.e., a white out) with significant wind chill? Probably wouldn't be an issue, because the schools would close.
I agree that it's important to be consistent, but showing flexibility is also important. I don't think children require absolute rigidity. I've found my kids to be surprisingly resilient, and I suspect most other kids are the same.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 01-01-2010 at 04:08 PM..
Whatever happened to doing your homework on your own without parental involvement? And helping get dinner started for your parents before they get home? If they're not responsible for doing their own homework and dinner independent of their parents, how are they going to learn to take care of themselves and override "lazy" tendencies on their own?
Because (speaking for myself as a kid)
A. Some kids (and adults) are horrid in the kitchen (I almost set the cabinets on fire a few times trying), and have no business cooking. If I had to make dinner, it was either a sandwhich or cereal. I still have nothing to do with the stove OR oven in my house, and Im 23 years old.
B. Give a kid the choice between Playstation/something pleasurable or homework...guess which one is going to win?
Hint hint: With me, it was NEVER homework. I always dropped my books and ran outside to play. I was a latchkey kid, so it was up to me.
Never took a bus the entire time I went to school for many of the reasons other posters have stated here. My mother didnt trust the bus system...and in high school, she wouldnt have trusted me to get on it and stay there. (With damn good reason)
A. Some kids (and adults) are horrid in the kitchen (I almost set the cabinets on fire a few times trying), and have no business cooking. If I had to make dinner, it was either a sandwhich or cereal. I still have nothing to do with the stove OR oven in my house, and Im 23 years old.
See, "A." is exactly what I'm talking about.
If you have the full use of your hands and legs and can follow basic instructions, you can cook. You might not be Rachael Ray where perfect recipes just occur to you almost automatically, most people don't have that skill, but just because you can't invent your own recipes, it doesn't mean you can't cook.
Cooking is a pain in the ass and it requires basic organizational skills, and basic knowledge of utensils, food, and patience. These are all things you LEARN, you're not born with them. Now at 23 you still haven't acquired them and labor under the false pretense that you "can't cook". You're wrong, you CAN cook, you just don't want to and don't know how to. The skill of being able to make meals is something your parents should have taught you, I guess they didn't require that you ever be responsible for yourself in that way. Now at 23 you don't have anything you need mentally or emotionally or even the basic info you would need in order to cook, if you ever want to learn, you're going to have to start from scratch.
At 23, you probably don't care - at least I didn't when I was 23 - but as you get older you're probably going to care more about your nutrition and eating healthier. At 23 you can probably eat whatever you want and you feel fine, as you get older (and not even THAT much older, it will probably be only a few years before you start to notice a difference) eating crappy (non-nutritious, overly processed food) takes a toll on your body. Not to mention that eating out, unless you order all your meals from the $1 menu, can be quite pricey.
I didn't think any school buses had seat belts I know in our district a lot of buses were cut from the budget this year. There are fewer stops so they are less convenient. If the bus stop is so far away that you have to drive to it, why not just drive all the way to school? Personally, my son takes the bus. I like the convenience and the time works better with my other son's school schedule.
If you have the full use of your hands and legs and can follow basic instructions, you can cook. You might not be Rachael Ray where perfect recipes just occur to you almost automatically, most people don't have that skill, but just because you can't invent your own recipes, it doesn't mean you can't cook.
Cooking is a pain in the ass and it requires basic organizational skills, and basic knowledge of utensils, food, and patience. These are all things you LEARN, you're not born with them. Now at 23 you still haven't acquired them and labor under the false pretense that you "can't cook". You're wrong, you CAN cook, you just don't want to and don't know how to. The skill of being able to make meals is something your parents should have taught you, I guess they didn't require that you ever be responsible for yourself in that way. Now at 23 you don't have anything you need mentally or emotionally or even the basic info you would need in order to cook, if you ever want to learn, you're going to have to start from scratch.
At 23, you probably don't care - at least I didn't when I was 23 - but as you get older you're probably going to care more about your nutrition and eating healthier. At 23 you can probably eat whatever you want and you feel fine, as you get older (and not even THAT much older, it will probably be only a few years before you start to notice a difference) eating crappy (non-nutritious, overly processed food) takes a toll on your body. Not to mention that eating out, unless you order all your meals from the $1 menu, can be quite pricey.
Actually, I hate fast food. Cant remember the last time I went through a drive through. I also hate hot dogs, will rarely eat pizza, and do not like chocolate, white bread, dips (I rarely touch salad dressing.) And I dont make enough to go out alot. My grocery budget for two weeks is less than 50 bucks. Thats OK though, 'cause I can get the same amount of groceries for $10 bucks. I never wanted to learn cooking, but I can pinch the hell out of a penny, and depending on the store, am sometimes able to make them owe ME money.
I eat alot of things raw (veggies, salads, etc) as well as alot of yogurt, sandwhiches, cereal. I hate potato chips, Im allergic to sodas (yes, allergic, the carbonation causes sores in my mouth), and I am an Uber-picky eater.
I also work in a very nice grocery store, so when I get the hankering for fish, I pop over to meat dept, and they'll steam some salmon/shrimp for me, or I'll eat Sushi, or if I want hot meat go to Deli where there are fresh rotisserie chickens waiting on me (Which dont have alot added to them..I know exactly what they use back there. )
I dont really eat alot of red meat either.
In all honesty, my mom tried her best to teach me, but I didnt want to learn. At all. You cant teach someone that doesnt want to learn and refuses to pay attention.I hated cooking, hated being in a kitchen, and its still true now as an adult.I hate the process, I DESPISE mixing foods together ( I get quite anal about this at times..my food must not touch), and I hate the mess involved. I eat better than alot of people my age as it is.
And hon, Ive BURNED Ramen noodles, given myself food poisoning not once, but TWICE, have almose set the kitchen on fire twice and have made many batches of scrambled eggs with the consistency of a rubber pot holder. I'll take my way for 100 please.
I'll stick to my way. Im a big girl, and believe it or not can feed myself well WITHOUT cooking.
Same with a kid in this situation. You cant force a kid to learn to make the parent dinner as you suggested earlier. Just like you truly cant force a kid to do their homework. You can give punishments, yes...but then there's that breed of kid that it doesnt matter what you do/say/take away, they're still not going to do it. I was one of those kids.
Kids die in their sleep as well. Quick, go wake them up, you wouldn't want them to be in that number either.
(just a joke, but you understand) More people die in their car, so do you avoid cars as well? No.
In my car, my child will wear her seat belt. In many school buses, there are no seat belts. If you read my post, I think you would have read that I drive my child to school.. That would probably mean that I do not avoid cars. A seat belt will not save every life every time. It does add protection.
Actually, I hate fast food. Cant remember the last time I went through a drive through. I also hate hot dogs, will rarely eat pizza, and do not like chocolate, white bread, dips (I rarely touch salad dressing.) And I dont make enough to go out alot. My grocery budget for two weeks is less than 50 bucks. Thats OK though, 'cause I can get the same amount of groceries for $10 bucks. I never wanted to learn cooking, but I can pinch the hell out of a penny, and depending on the store, am sometimes able to make them owe ME money.
I eat alot of things raw (veggies, salads, etc) as well as alot of yogurt, sandwhiches, cereal. I hate potato chips, Im allergic to sodas (yes, allergic, the carbonation causes sores in my mouth), and I am an Uber-picky eater.
I also work in a very nice grocery store, so when I get the hankering for fish, I pop over to meat dept, and they'll steam some salmon/shrimp for me, or I'll eat Sushi, or if I want hot meat go to Deli where there are fresh rotisserie chickens waiting on me (Which dont have alot added to them..I know exactly what they use back there. )
I dont really eat alot of red meat either.
In all honesty, my mom tried her best to teach me, but I didnt want to learn. At all. You cant teach someone that doesnt want to learn and refuses to pay attention.I hated cooking, hated being in a kitchen, and its still true now as an adult.I hate the process, I DESPISE mixing foods together ( I get quite anal about this at times..my food must not touch), and I hate the mess involved. I eat better than alot of people my age as it is.
And hon, Ive BURNED Ramen noodles, given myself food poisoning not once, but TWICE, have almose set the kitchen on fire twice and have made many batches of scrambled eggs with the consistency of a rubber pot holder. I'll take my way for 100 please.
I'll stick to my way. Im a big girl, and believe it or not can feed myself well WITHOUT cooking.
Same with a kid in this situation. You cant force a kid to learn to make the parent dinner as you suggested earlier. Just like you truly cant force a kid to do their homework. You can give punishments, yes...but then there's that breed of kid that it doesnt matter what you do/say/take away, they're still not going to do it. I was one of those kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102
1) I also hate hot dogs,
2) will rarely eat pizza, and
3) do not like chocolate, 4) white bread, 5) dips
6) I rarely touch salad dressing
7) I hate potato chips
I am an Uber-picky eater.
Again, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Anyone born from before the 1970's can answer this, do YOU know anyone born before that time who was this picky? lol. Pamper your kids too much and (self-admitting) uber-fussy children who turn into (self-admitting) anal attentive adults. And they won't think anything of it. They feel ENTITLED to be this demanding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102
Same with a kid in this situation. You cant force a kid to learn to make the parent dinner as you suggested earlier. Just like you truly cant force a kid to do their homework. You can give punishments, yes...but then there's that breed of kid that it doesnt matter what you do/say/take away, they're still not going to do it. I was one of those kids.
You can, actually. A parent just has to be willing to figure out the motivation behind a child's actions. Maybe YOUR mom couldn't make YOU, but you can't relate that one anecdotal case to every child in the universe. I believe your situation, though, spoiled kids think they don't have to do anything they don't want to and won't. And then, yeah, it takes a lot of hard work for parents to turn that around, but usually if it's gotten that bad, the parents haven't really known what they're doing wrong and how to fix it in the first place. I'm not saying these parents don't love their children or that they're intrinsically awful people, I just think many times parent are just so lost in general and if you're lost yourself, how are you going to raise someone else?
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What if it were snowing and 20 degrees outside and your car was in the shop and you had no one to drive your kids and all the cabs were busy? Basically, what if they couldn't get to school other than to walk in that weather? Would you let them stay home? 
I know in our district a lot of buses were cut from the budget this year. There are fewer stops so they are less convenient. If the bus stop is so far away that you have to drive to it, why not just drive all the way to school? Personally, my son takes the bus. I like the convenience and the time works better with my other son's school schedule.
I never wanted to learn cooking, but I can pinch the hell out of a penny, and depending on the store, am sometimes able to make them owe ME money. 
A seat belt will not save every life every time. It does add protection.
