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If people want to get married, I'd recommend 1. A prenup, 2. three pools of money his, her, ours. I would not want to spend my time arguing who spent what on sport and cars and who spent what on shoes and handbags. Overall I think people are better off being unmarried couples. [Mod cut]
By the time some are on spouse 3 or 4 they are too old to care and often end up staying married because it's easier once they start having health problems and whatnot. You really have to divorce young and often to beat those numbers but I had an uncle who did, he hit 8 but married 2 woman twice each so only 6 different wives total.
I don't even think it takes spouse 3 or 4. You eventually get too old or have health challenges that don't attract younger women unless you are super rich.
Even at 66, I don't want to remarry. The guys who would find me a good partner are just too old. I took care of my husband in last stages of CHF. Never again. I was glad to do it for him, but no one else.
I am 78 and have had two wives. I am perfectly happy living the single life. I would never remarry nor live with anyone. If I need something done that I cannot do, I hire someone to do it for me. If and when I can no longer manage, I will have a death with dignity by my own hand. This is not a cry for help. I am doing vey well.
If people want to get married, I'd recommend 1. A prenup, 2. three pools of money his, her, ours. I would not want to spend my time arguing who spent what on sport and cars and who spent what on shoes and handbags. Overall I think people are better off being unmarried couples. That way if the relationship ceases to be mutually beneficial it can just be ended without making a bunch of lawyers richer and trying to steal each other's money and turn one spouse into a slave through alimony.
Just to be clear, that doesn't work in some states as a hedge against judgment in the event of a breakup. I'm assuming, perhaps wrongly, you refer to cohabitation?
WA State, my home, has community property rights for couples who cohabitate married or otherwise. This is a grave error some make. "I think" an unmarried friend of mine who cohabitates and has for the past c. 3 years will be dealing with this RE his partner in the near to mid-term. That train is alrighty threatening to come off the tracks. If they marry guess it will be more cut and dried how SOL he is, I want no part of it. It's way too late so I'm just not going to go there in conversation. She's "broke", not at all unusual in a sucker bet like he's in (he makes $200K+ per year, we can see where this is going as she'll claim being "destitute" if any of it goes before a WA State court upon breakup).
The only actual winning move these days is not to play, to paraphrase a famous line from a 1983 movie...
RE, via the Google beast:
"Washington State does not have "common law marriage" but it does have a now well-developed (yet still evolving) body of law on "equity relationships" or "committed intimate relationships." This case law applies to two cohabitating unmarried adults and may, under certain circumstances, result in both partners in the relationship having rights akin to community property ownership when one partner holds title to assets and intends on being the sole owner.
An equity relationship is a "stable, marital-like relationship where both parties cohabit with knowledge that a lawful marriage between them does not exist."1 Relevant factors establishing an equity relationship include (1) continuous cohabitation, (2) relationship duration, (3) relationship purpose, (4) pooling of resources and services for joint projects, and (5) the parties’ intent.
People are idiots at picking good spouses and then blame the entire other gender when it blows up in their face.
Brilliant.
I completely agree. That's why they came up with arranged marriage. By the time most people figure out who is a good fit for them, they're past child bearing age, or nearly so.
Ita...this is what we are doing. There is still “our money” but nobody controls all of it.
I have to say that since we married, more than forty years ago, I have controlled the money. For most of the time I gave DH pocket money in cash. Now cash is not much used he has his credit cards. Which I pay.
He has no clue about how to get into online banking but has mastered the ATM! He did manage to get locked out of our accounts a few years ago the day before we were leaving on an eight week overseas trip. I was not altogether pleased.
I am not unusual. At my friend’s funeral her husband spoke of how she had spent the last weeks of her life trying to teach him about how to deal with all their accounts. He added that when he had to call the bank to clarify something they were very patient and said that they spend a lot of time instructing men like him.
The there was our previous Prime Minister, who is extremely wealthy, who was asked in Parliament to give some details of his finances. He was an investment banker for many years but reported, I would say correctly, that he did not know as his wife looked after their personal finances.
But here de facto relationships have had almost the same rights as married relationships, since 1975. My cousin and her partner have seemingly avoided being legally de facto partners as they live in separate houses next door to each other.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarisaMay
I have to say that since we married, more than forty years ago, I have controlled the money. For most of the time I gave DH pocket money in cash. Now cash is not much used he has his credit cards. Which I pay.
He has no clue about how to get into online banking but has mastered the ATM! He did manage to get locked out of our accounts a few years ago the day before we were leaving on an eight week overseas trip. I was not altogether pleased.
You weren’t pleased? Do you consider this healthy? IMO...total control in a relationship really isn’t about the money. It’s trying to control hurt or angry feelings because it’s easier to try to control money than bad feelings & pain.
You weren’t pleased? Do you consider this healthy? IMO...total control in a relationship really isn’t about the money. It’s trying to control hurt or angry feelings because it’s easier to try to control money than bad feelings & pain.
It was more typical for the "wifey" to manage the day to day budget and the "hubby" to manage the big financial picture. I hear of more wives not knowing "where" the money is when the husband dies then hearing of husbands not knowing where the money is when the wife dies.
Granted this is, and should be, changing. Each person should be able to understand/assume the financial reins when the other passes.
One poster seems to have been/is very controlling. Very generous (according to her) that she gave her husband "pocket money".
I’ve always handled all the money in our family, both household and our business. DH had so many balls in the air that he didn’t want that too. Sometimes it even made me mad that it was always on my shoulders.
After retirement he has shared it more, and taken an interest in the big picture, but still not the day to day. If I die before him, I’m sure he can handle it.
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IMO...total control in a relationship really isn’t about the money. It’s trying to control hurt or angry feelings because it’s easier to try to control money than bad feelings & pain.