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To be clear, the OP didn't say her guy wants her to do laundry, housework and cooking - they don't live together now and even if they did, her doing all the chores should never be assumed! Now, as for the lovin', as long as I got all my druthers in that category, sure!
Don't make this into something it's not - the OP is mature and independent and is still looking out for herself so she's not a dumb little chickie who doesn't know the score.
Sure, you could be right. I'm just saying it is one of the possible pitfalls.
A friend of mine went that route. They were adorable love birds and she nursed him through terminal illness. His daughter came to the house with an old last will and the law in tow.
But, as I noted previously, if the house is in both their names, as joint tenants with right of survivorship (JTWROS), ownership of the house passes to her solely and automatically upon his death. All she has to do is record his death certificate and the house is hers. It doesnt go through probate in such cases.
But, as I noted previously, if the house is in both their names, as joint tenants with right of survivorship (JTWROS), ownership of the house passes to her solely and automatically upon his death. All she has to do is record his death certificate and the house is hers. It doesnt go through probate in such cases.
There is more to life than a house. Eligibility for medical coverage, pensions, survivor benefits of all sorts from Social Security to military ID, bank accounts/investments, even DMV.
There is more to life than a house. Eligibility for medical coverage, pensions, survivor benefits of all sorts from Social Security to military ID, bank accounts/investments, even DMV.
I agree -- but the OP specifically asked about the house and was concerned about losing it to his family.
To be clear, the OP didn't say her guy wants her to do laundry, housework and cooking - they don't live together now and even if they did, her doing all the chores should never be assumed! Now, as for the lovin', as long as I got all my druthers in that category, sure!
Don't make this into something it's not - the OP is mature and independent and is still looking out for herself so she's not a dumb little chickie who doesn't know the score.
Like you said, I don't think chores and such will be an issue. As it is now, like you said we each have our own place, but when we are together we share cooking. He does laundry (even my laundry because it's a chore I hate doing. Lol. I don't ask him to do it. He just knows I hate it and does it for me.) Cleaning would be a toss up but I'm a neat nick and actually enjoy tidying up. But I don't see me turning into a house wife. I'll hire a maid before I do that (I have one now that comes to my house twice a month to clean every other weekend. Otherwise my neat nick self would be cleaning every weekend).
As for the other wants, I guess I never clearly spelled out what I want.
- I also want to move to the country. I really hate city life.
- I want to telecommute and keep my job or find a new career that I can do in a rural area.
- I would actually like to live with him, but I'm a realist (which is why I started this thread). I don't get the legal protections of marriage under this "let's not marry" plan. But people do it all the time and I figured they might know things I don't.
For example, that joint tenants with right of survivorship is something I didn't know about. That's a BIG revelation for me. It helps too because if I sell my house to move to the country, I'd to buy another for nearly cash to get rid of my mortgage and not have to pay taxes on the sale of the real estate.
Some of the other survivor benefits are really not on the radar for me. I just can't think of a way to quit my job and not be in poverty when I hit my senior years under his ideas. But as far as his money goes. He makes a lot more money than I do, but I have a lot more saved up than he does. He has some, but not as much as he should for his age and lifestyle. Mainly that's because of his divorce. He's counting on the sale of his business for his biggest windfall. But my point is I have my investments and can take care of myself (as long as I keep working).
Thanks for the answers so far. I'm reading through and thinking about them.
To answer this question, he's divorced and doesn't want to marry again. I'm pretty much indifferent to it (I don't care if I marry or not). However, in the situation he's proposing I think we'd either need to be married or he will have to accept that I can't do what he's asking since I can't see how it can be done without putting me in potential poverty when I'm elderly.
The purpose of this thread is to see if there is a way. Although it seems like the answer is a talk to a lawyer (when this is more of a reality and not five years out).
I wouldn't hurt to talk to a lawyer now, and see what options you have. You have time to consider if any of them work for you, and you could talk about it with him as well without anyone having to make a quick decision. But if you do live together, and share a house one is buying, definately put it in both names. I do understand why you don't want to just get married. My first ex and I chose not to. We were together for six years. I know his family well. He was there for me with Dad died. We live in different states now but still talk quite a bit, and are very good friends. But together? We just push each other's buttons without even trying.
I would see a lawyer now, and get a list of options you can think about, and keep in touch with him, and discuss the options as well. If the relationship is fufilling, then its worth the work to define everyone's options.
My second guy I did marry, and he turned out to be a skunk. Marriage does not guarentee a good relationship. If I were to meet someone again, I'd say lets have fun but no legal entanglements. If you really care about someone, you don't need to hold them hostage.
i philosophically and morally oppose long term cohabitation.
I do not but it doesn't make financial sense for the OP. She needs to say only if we get married first. Or some really great legal protection documents.
Speaking as the child and heir, I do not expect to get my Dad's house when he passes. It's my step-mother's house too! BUT I think after she passes it should be evenly divided among my Dad's children and hers.
That is one of the factors that has to be taken into consideration for the OP.
So I guess a life estate. But then she never owns anything. I'd have to think on that. In our case it's simple because the house is paid for. Step-Mom does not want to move and a life-estate works for her. (over his half. Her half will be hers for her heir)
Of course adult children aren't owed anything, but OPs bf might feel it's important to leave them something.
I do not but it doesn't make financial sense for the OP. She needs to say only if we get married first. Or some really great legal protection documents.
Speaking as the child and heir, I do not expect to get my Dad's house when he passes. It's my step-mother's house too! BUT I think after she passes it should be evenly divided among my Dad's children and hers.
That is one of the factors that has to be taken into consideration for the OP.
So I guess a life estate. But then she never owns anything. I'd have to think on that. In our case it's simple because the house is paid for. Step-Mom does not want to move and a life-estate works for her. (over his half. Her half will be hers for her heir)
Nice money grubbing. So what happens if the stepmother lands in assisted living for a half dozen years followed by a few years of skilled nursing facility? For most retirees, the house gets liquidated to pay for it. If you tie up the real estate in a trust, they're pretty much screwed if they need expensive care because the property isn't their asset to sell. It's even worse if they're not married since they have no legal protections at all.
Nice money grubbing. So what happens if the stepmother lands in assisted living for a half dozen years followed by a few years of skilled nursing facility? For most retirees, the house gets liquidated to pay for it. If you tie up the real estate in a trust, they're pretty much screwed if they need expensive care because the property isn't their asset to sell. It's even worse if they're not married since they have no legal protections at all.
Who is a money-grubber? I didn't make the will. Or have any say it. I would never try to have a say. I said here what I prefer, which is what is already the case per my father's wishes. My Aunt is in the same thing - the kids own the house on paper but it's hers for her lifetime. Because he has adopted daughter from anther marriage. He couldn't rely on her to include the daughter in her will, as my father cannot with my SM.
I should feel it's fine for everything to only to my step-sister?
Life-estate holders can rent out their property, and we'd liquidate for her if that was needed. What we have is very common for blended families. It isn't so simple to leave everything to a wife who isn't the mother of your children too.
It's one of these:
- Prenup
- Marriage
- Gamble it will all work out somehow in the end.
- Goodbye honey.
BTW - my wife and I lived together for 12 years before getting married. But we put everything under both our names. Living together is fine. But you need to be aware of, and comfortable with, the pitfalls. And there are pitfalls. In retrospect, it was not right that my wife's status was ambiguous for all those years.
My recommendation is to tell him it has to be a marriage or you walk.
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