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I'm going to ask a question here, and I know it's going to be unpopular. I also know that I'll be attacked.
Why in the world do so many parents on this board still think that everyone should have kids?
Having a child is not for everyone, I wish it were not the default.
In the last 3 or 4 days, parents have posted three horrendous stories about bad parenting, some that have resulted in the deaths of their kids, and others of abuse and abandonment. These stories made national headlines, most abuse cases don't.
Child Abuse According to data from the Administration on Children and Families, in 1998 there were an estimated 2,806,000 referrals of child abuse or neglect to relevant state or local agencies. These referrals resulted in an estimated 903,000 confirmed victims of maltreatment, a rate of 12.9 per 1,000 children nationwide. Of these, 11.5 percent suffered sexual abuse, 22.7 percent suffered physical abuse, and 53.5 percent suffered neglect. A quarter were victims of more than one type of maltreatment. Additionally, approximately 1,100 children died of abuse or neglect, a rate of 1.6 deaths per 100,000 children. Of all forms of abuse, about three quarters of the perpetrators were parents.
What about the guy who gave up 9 of his 10 kids; he was what, 34? What was he thinking to have 10 kids when he had a history of being unemployed. Safe haven in Nebraska could become a mental health centerHe has a history of unemployment, eviction notices and unpaid bills and could not make ends meet. Yet, that served as no deterrent to having kids.
What are some people thinking? Apparently, they're not.
Having a child does not equate to wanting them or having the wherewithal to care for them. It would be better to err on the side of not having kids.
This is a real question of “what about the chillllldddrrreeeeeennnnn?”
Please DO NOT MOVE THIS thread to the parenting forum.
This is about the politics involved; you know what will happen as soon as you move it to the parenting forum.
You are correct!I believe there are some people that should not reproduce they were meant to be Aunts and Uncles.
You hit it dead on when you stated that some are not thinking. I think it stems from many different things, i.e
1. Some believe that children will fill that hole in their lives...get a pet and go from there.
2.Some believe in having children because their partner wants one...this seldom ever causes happiness...discuss the topic of children before getting to intimate.
3. Some believe that having children will complete their lives after success in a career has been obtained (refer to comment number one)
4. Some are simply irresponsible and get pregnant...use BC or look into options.
5. Some are derelicts, druggies, prostitutes and so forth basically the under belly of society to absorbed in filth to think about BC or parenting at all.
6. I also forgot those whom are in a troubled relationship or marriage that have children still thinking that they will save the relationship, geez who still thinks this way?
I think children or parenting should not be taken lightly, this is a lifelong commitment after all when you get sick and tired you cannot to them back and demand a refund can you?
Some studies have shown the more education a woman has, the less kids she has. Of course there are exceptions to the rules, I don't think anyone was trying to blanket all educated people as people who only have one or two kids.
It is not at all surprising to me that intelligent and educated people have the number of children that they wish and choose to have, rather than the number that just happens as a consequence of an unplanned family life.
It is not that educated people have fewer children---but educated people have fewer unplanned children. Which, unsurprisingly, results in fewer total children, which is the sum of the planned and unplanned.
It is not at all surprising to me that intelligent and educated people have the number of children that they wish and choose to have, rather than the number that just happens as a consequence of an unplanned family life.
It is not that educated people have fewer children---but educated people have fewer unplanned children. Which, unsurprisingly, results in fewer total children, which is the sum of the planned and unplanned.
Well said...makes me feel better as a well educated mother of 6!
I think children or parenting should not be taken lightly, this is a lifelong commitment after all when you get sick and tired you cannot to them back and demand a refund can you?
I agree with your entire post but find this final sentence to be the most poignant.
I believe that most people think more about buying their next car or where to go on their next vacation than they do about having kids.
Do they really take into consideration the possibility of divorce (52%) or spousal death, job loss, the quality of life that you can provide for your offspring, etc. Do people discuss how they want to raise a child to be a responsible, productive member of the society that they plan to raise their child in.
Do they really think it through?
Do they have an inkling of the difficulties (and joys) of bringing a kid to the world?
I would say no, most people don't give a thought to childrearing.
I think most people go through life with binders on, asleep and in denial about most things.
People seem to be so uncomfortable with themselves that they have to keep up with the Jones family next door or down the block. They go into debt to have things.
My favorite folk singer, Greg Brown, has a wonderful line in his song “Two Little Feet” –
we have no knowledge and so we have stuff and
stuff with no knowledge is never enough to get you there
it just won't get you there
It is not at all surprising to me that intelligent and educated people have the number of children that they wish and choose to have, rather than the number that just happens as a consequence of an unplanned family life.
It is not that educated people have fewer children---but educated people have fewer unplanned children. Which, unsurprisingly, results in fewer total children, which is the sum of the planned and unplanned.
Eh...maybe.
A large percentage of pregnanices are unplanned...
::shrug::
I wish I could find a doc that would just tie my tubes...but at age 21, they refuse to do it because I may "change my mind and regret it". My family is already focused on me "giving them grandchildren" like it's their right when, I'm not even engaged. After seeing the "quality" parenting skills of my parents, I never want to bring a child into the world.
A nice portion of Americans have kids because they are IRRESPONSIBLE! They the "PULL OUT METHOD" is the best method. These people who are bringing these children into this world IRRESPONSIBLY, usually end up being IRRESPONSIBLE parents as well. It's like that movie Idiocracy.
The dumb breed like rabbits and the intelligent know how to prevent themselves from accidental pregnancy. Ugh...helpless.
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