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A nice portion of Americans have kids because they are IRRESPONSIBLE! They the "PULL OUT METHOD" is the best method. These people who are bringing these children into this world IRRESPONSIBLY, usually end up being IRRESPONSIBLE parents as well. It's like that movie Idiocracy.
The dumb breed like rabbits and the intelligent know how to prevent themselves from accidental pregnancy. Ugh...helpless.
Which portion might that be? 20%? 30%? Perhaps 40%?
What makes me take a pause when reading this thread is that it started as a thread about the pressures some face about having children but now it has evolved into a soap box rally trying to sell others on the ignorance of parents who have more than 2.4 children.
As I said before, it is no ones business if people do not want children but it is also no ones business if someone chooses to have a dozen. Many of you are doing exactly what the OP was complaining about...judging others for their choices.
I'm going to ask a question here, and I know it's going to be unpopular. I also know that I'll be attacked.
Why in the world do so many parents on this board still think that everyone should have kids?
Having a child is not for everyone, I wish it were not the default.
In the last 3 or 4 days, parents have posted three horrendous stories about bad parenting, some that have resulted in the deaths of their kids, and others of abuse and abandonment. These stories made national headlines, most abuse cases don't.
Child Abuse According to data from the Administration on Children and Families, in 1998 there were an estimated 2,806,000 referrals of child abuse or neglect to relevant state or local agencies. These referrals resulted in an estimated 903,000 confirmed victims of maltreatment, a rate of 12.9 per 1,000 children nationwide. Of these, 11.5 percent suffered sexual abuse, 22.7 percent suffered physical abuse, and 53.5 percent suffered neglect. A quarter were victims of more than one type of maltreatment. Additionally, approximately 1,100 children died of abuse or neglect, a rate of 1.6 deaths per 100,000 children. Of all forms of abuse, about three quarters of the perpetrators were parents.
What about the guy who gave up 9 of his 10 kids; he was what, 34? What was he thinking to have 10 kids when he had a history of being unemployed. Safe haven in Nebraska could become a mental health centerHe has a history of unemployment, eviction notices and unpaid bills and could not make ends meet. Yet, that served as no deterrent to having kids.
What are some people thinking? Apparently, they're not.
Having a child does not equate to wanting them or having the wherewithal to care for them. It would be better to err on the side of not having kids.
This is a real question of “what about the chillllldddrrreeeeeennnnn?”
Please DO NOT MOVE THIS thread to the parenting forum.
This is about the politics involved; you know what will happen as soon as you move it to the parenting forum.
You are right.. some people should not be parents.
Being a parent takes:
Extreme Patience
Putting someone FIRST ALWAYS before youself.. thier needs/wants outweigh yours.
If you can't put someone else before yourself, you shouldn't have children. And this is NOT to imply that people who do NOT have children are selfish.. they are not. They would be if they had children anyway, but did not have the capacity to be good parents.
There's nothing "political" in deciding to have a child. It's a biological instinct that is felt by most.. it is part of the human physiology. It is also spiritual. Some do not feel that and that is fine.. they are the ones that do not have children. Some people do not want to have children and then end up accidentally pregnant. Sometimes those parents are hit with a big surprise when they have their child because they didn't expect to feel the way that they felt... and they are glad that they had their happy accident. Sometimes it's the opposite effect.
I pretty much knew someday I would have children someday and waited till I felt that want and desire.. and then I got married and within 2 years that instinct kicked in. I just wanted to be a mother to a child and I could feel that child's souls presence just waiting for the right time. Even when you WANT a child, you are still surprised at how having one makes you feel.
I will say this.. there is NO OTHER love in the WORLD that compares to that of a mother and child. It's as close to another human being as you will ever be.. and it's the MOST amazing love in the world. He is the ONLY human being I would throw myself in front of a train to protect. I think that for parents, once we experience that and the joy that comes with it, we wish that same joy for others and since we can't imagine our world without our child we feel sad for someone that will never experience that in this lifetime.
But again.. it is NOT something that is meant to be experienced by all.
And I will say this.. that from a spiritual perspective, every child that is born wether to a parent that wanted a child or not, a good parent or bad one, that soul was meant to be born to that parent to live out it's life on earth and to learn what it's soul needed to learn in this lifetime .. This is a spiritual perspective and has nothing to do with the politics of having a child.
Last edited by TristansMommy; 10-07-2008 at 07:29 AM..
Eh...maybe.
A large percentage of pregnanices are unplanned...
::shrug::
. . . . which is exactly what I had said. My point was that uneducated people have a disporportionate share of the unplanned pregnancies.
Tristansmommy, of course, you are right when you say that some people should not be parents But it is equally true that some people should not have credic cards, or drive cars, or buy lottery tickets, or eat all they want at buffets, or wear two-piece bathing suits, or live near their mother-in-law. But do you want to live in a society in which any or all of the above are regulated, so that people need to satisfy some authoritatian criteria in order to do any of these things?
Well, not childfree couples...those who don't WANT children.
But parents can't understand why anyone wouldn't WANT kids!
I have 5 children. I always wanted children, not having them was never a consideration for me. I can fully understand why someone would choose not to have children. The further I get in to parenting the more reasons I can think of to support not doing it. I wouldn't change my decision for the world. I cherish each of my children, enjoy having them in my life, and love them to the depth of my being.
It is hard to be a parent. You never know if you are succeeding in concrete terms. You never get to take a break. Every decision you make affects other people. The potential for heartbreak is limitless. I rarely in the last 16 years have slept through an entire night. Last night I had a sobbing 3yo climb in bed at 4 am and cry himself back to sleep. I am tired all the time and my sleep deficit might just rival the national deficit (OK major exaggeration ).
Couple this level of stress with guilt assailing parents of big families, the financial burden, the media and society constantly throwing out one liners about what parents are and aren't teaching their children, what parents are and aren't doing for or with their children, and the playing field gets a bit overwhelming. I can't tell you how often others have questioned my parenting decisions and equally how often I get praised for some quality in one of my children that I know they always had, that I had nothing to do with instilling.
A childless person may be missing out on some great wonder in life. I may be missing out on something wonderful too. We can't all have everything. I am happy if someone is able to make choices in this regard. I am sad if someone is unable to have a child if they want to. But the bottom line is there are many people like me that do not have a hard time understanding someone deciding to not have children. It is often a sign of maturity and a healthy self image.
Our children were grown (and had kids of their own) when we became foster parents to a 5 year old little girl who came from an abusive situation. That was almost 14 years ago and she is still with us - she is our daughter in every sense of the word - and we will be completing a formal adoption of her within the next few months.
It was a difficult situation because there were "issues" in her past that needed to be addressed - extra attention and love and counseling were all part of the equation -
We were older when we took on this wonderful girl - and we have NEVER been sorry we did nor, could we be HAPPIER -
I find that I get a lot of negative feed back when I tell people that I don't have kids. Lots of stares of disbelief as though it is somehow ABNORMAL not to have children. I suppose that a lot of people think that I cannot have them for some reason, but I always try to make sure they understand that I have never WANTED kids, which is even MORE unbelievable to them.
As many of the posters have pointed out, having children is not for everyone. Despite the fact that I would never abuse my kids, or hurt them in any way, and I am sure that I would be a great mom, I don't want them. My life is perfect the way it is and having a child or children would not work for me.
People call me selfish, and maybe I am, but I would rather be selfish than resent a child for ruining my chosen lifestyle. There are plenty of people in my area who have four, five, six - even more children. I don't need to have one! LOL
I love my life and would not change it for the world. And frankly, when I see the problems, heartache and financial worries that having a child creates, I shake my head and wonder why so many people feel the need to breed. I guess that old saying is true that "Misery loves company". LOL
There's nothing "political" in deciding to have a child. It's a biological instinct that is felt by most.. it is part of the human physiology. It is also spiritual. Some do not feel that and that is fine.. they are the ones that do not have children. Some people do not want to have children and then end up accidentally pregnant. Sometimes those parents are hit with a big surprise when they have their child because they didn't expect to feel the way that they felt... and they are glad that they had their happy accident. Sometimes it's the opposite effect.
I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement, particularly the bolded part.
Many people succumb to parental and societal pressures; others, although a very small number, have babies to get the government benefits.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TristansMommy
I will say this.. there is NO OTHER love in the WORLD that compares to that of a mother and child. It's as close to another human being as you will ever be.. and it's the MOST amazing love in the world. He is the ONLY human being I would throw myself in front of a train to protect. I think that for parents, once we experience that and the joy that comes with it, we wish that same joy for others and since we can't imagine our world without our child we feel sad for someone that will never experience that in this lifetime.
Then why is there so much child abuse, neglect and/or murder?
I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement, particularly the bolded part.
Many people succumb to parental and societal pressures; others, although a very small number, have babies to get the government benefits.
Then why is there so much child abuse, neglect and/or murder?
I guess, to say it kindly, just because someone is able to biologically have children does not mean they should.
As a parent, I am always stunned by the child abuse and neglect stories on the news. But these perpetrators are also the same ones that abuse their spouses and SO. People are people whether they decide to procreate or not.
Everyone has their own reasons for having children and everyone has their reasons for choosing not to. As people, we should respect both sides.
Oh yes, women who don’t want kids should be celibate? Try a small dose of reality, that’s not going to happen.
How about all men keep it in their pants.
.
Indeed!! That is exactly what I teach my boy's!! If women arent going to be celibate, but all men should keep it in their pants, How are these women going to get pregnant?
Raising children has become a great deal more difficult and challenging that it used to be, and as a result, many many more children are being born to parents who are not competent to raise children.
When I was a kid in the '40s, my mother was always at home, and always knew (approximately) where I was. Child-rearing consisted of putting food on the table, sending me to bed at bedtime, telling me not to slam the screen door, telling me once not to put my hand on the stove, tolerantly answering questions that would baffle Einsteim, and being there when a mother or a cookie was needed. My world was considered safe. When dad rattled the car keys, all the kids jumped in like dogs and stood up the entire trip. I couldn't run far enough to reach the yard of someone who did not know my name and my moms phone number. Apparently, since then, hundreds of millions of people suddenly became child molestors, but there didn't seem to be any those days. Every kid that was in my kindergarten was still alive for the 25th high school reunion, so the death rate from child dangers must have been zero.
So why is it that raising children has become so much mroe difficult in the past half century, that few people can figure out how to do it nowadays?
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