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I had a girlfriend once who weighed maybe half what I do. She liked to prepare meals. She would be very careful that when she dished out our meals we each got precisely the same amount of food.
Yes, THAT seems to be the sort of equality feminism brought us. Ignoring our gender differences. On the one hand demanding fairness, if equality meant she had to pull the same weight as us. And on the other hand demanding equality if fairness seemed to give us more.
Every case the women get the advantage now by picking and choosing fairness or equality as they see fit.
Not all women do this but it's so pervasive in our society many do it without thinking about it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smartalx
Yeeeah. If we didn't accept it, we died alone.
I had a girlfriend once who weighed maybe half what I do. She liked to prepare meals. She would be very careful that when she dished out our meals we each got precisely the same amount of food.
Yes, THAT seems to be the sort of equality feminism brought us. Ignoring our gender differences. On the one hand demanding fairness, if equality meant she had to pull the same weight as us. And on the other hand demanding equality if fairness seemed to give us more.
Every case the women get the advantage now by picking and choosing fairness or equality as they see fit.
Not all women do this but it's so pervasive in our society many do it without thinking about it.
I think if she was half your weight that was a good thing!
I am really getting sick and tired of guys complaining about there more succesful counterparts are getting more women. Every time I sip beer at a bar that topic comes up. Every Time I enter a male enviroment that topic comes up.
Why do guys even care about a selfish women who is only with you based off what you can potentially do for her.
My thing is. Women make just as much money as we do. I don't care if I get kicked off the forums for saying this but no I don't hold the door for my women, I don't pull the chair for her, no I don't give her money to get her nails done, buy her car. etc. etc.
At the same time I don't order her around, I don't expect her to cook or wash my dirty underwear, and I don't expect her to be silent when I speak.
She pays. I pay.
I was the dishes she washes the dishes.
They want to be equal. Well we are equal and thats how I treat them.
=, =, =,
So stop complaining and get a women on your level and put down your foot.
Women do as much as we do. The financial gap is pretty much closed and women even have an employment advantage prior secondary education.
So kill this concept of man being the bread winner and stop perpetuating the vicious cycle and put the narcissistic (not all) women in their place and live happy.
Simple.
Had to vent.
And all the guys who do tolerate a selfish, lazy, manipulative women only because of their good looks you get exactly what you deserve.
This is the only thing I disagree with...no I don't hold the door for my women, I don't pull the chair for her
My boyfriend opens car doors an doors for me...I also do it for him..its called respecting each other, It doesn't make you less of a man if you open the door for your woman.
But everything else..I pretty much agree with..
Women should work..why not?
To those who don't work is ridicules since more than half the marriages end in divorce anyway, ...
I think this is just sour grapes. If a guy makes enough to actually do that without a fuss I really don't see what the big deal is. (Or if the situation was reversed and he was a house-husband.) I think being a housewife and/or mom is the biggest under appreciated position. When I think back to childhood memories I forget what presents I got etc but I always remember mom's chocolate chip cookies or the way the house would smell like flowers on easter from her decorating etc.
I like our traditional arrangement we have here. I don't have to work, but am in school and do the house stuff. He has a high paying job that covers everything. I may take a part time job to stay busy but I don't have to. Our 5 year plan is ending in me being able just to stay home with the kids and homeschool them when they are really little (which is fine with me) and back to work if desired when they are more self sufficient and enrolled in private school.
He opens doors for everyone though as he is just that type of guy.
If I hold a door open for a woman then these days I would expect the same courtesy in return. I don't think chivalry is dead, I think it has evolved and includes women as well. After all I think it probably would have been unthinkable 100 years ago for a woman to propose to a man or for a woman to be the best man (best person? The groom's best friend?) But these things do happen these days
I agree. As long as you agree, everything is fine.
One problem I see is that having children changes things. Often there is a shift of balance when babies are born and it's not something both parties agreed to. For example, my husband never got up with the babies. I couldn't lay there and let them cry so I did even when I felt he should. If they woke me up and he was still sleeping, he'd get PO'd if I woke him up. His logic was I was up so I should take care of it.
Now, he wanted me working (I also wanted to work) but he wasn't willing to do half of the midnight diaper changes or walk the floor with a fussy baby. We went from equal partners to me doing the pigs share in a heartbeat and it put a strain on our marriage. I was the primary bread winner and I was walking the floor night after night with a fussy baby. In his mind, the baby was my job. In mine, she was both of our job.
You may take this reply personal but believe me it is not intended to be. The problem I have in replying to messages like yours is that you bring in your personal experience so if I comment on it you may take offense to it. So please keep this in mind.
I do not know how long you and your husband dated before you got married. I dated my wife in a very traditional way. We dated for a while to the point that we went passed the honeymoon period of dating when the other looks perfect. We had our good fights, we stopped dating for a while, we discussed mundane things like abortion views, taking care of kids, we even discuss how many kids we had in mind when we get married. We also expressed our views on both working and how to take care of the kids. That did not mean we still did not faced situations that tested our relationship once we got married.
However, I do believe it helped us greatly. When I enlisted she decided to stop working and stay at home taking care of the kids. She felt kids were more important that having a career. To her he success was how kids turned out due to close parental care. We agreed in this sense. We moved a lot and to her it was important to have a stable home environment where the kids were able to come home and someone taking care of them more personally. I was away a lot due to Army duties and deployments to the war zone.
Now that I am retired and our kids are grown up I have suggested that if she wants to why not go out and work. She has no desire to do so. I have asked I would not mind now staying at home and take care of the house. My aunts and grandparents in Mexico taught me to cook, saw, make beds, wash dishes, etc. and I have helped my wife all along since we go married. I will not say that home and family care has been 50/50. She is the one that took most of the load. She actually wanted it that way. She wanted things done in the house HER way. So we agreed that the house was her job and her domain and my duty was to make sure she had all the tools, time, and support to take care of us as she wanted it.
My observation when I see other couples having problems with taking care of the house is that women do contribute a lot to it in this sense. They expect the men to help but they say what help they want to allow the men to give and it has to be done exactly how it is to be done, micromanaged. That does turn many men off. When I tried to help my wife wash the dishes a while ago she got upset because I did not wash them in a certain way or sequence or whatever. I told her that if she wanted me to help I will wash them as I learned as a child and my aunts and grandothers taught me. Either I did it my way or not. She had to give in and I have been washing them since then. When I am not at work, I do wash the dishes.
Another problem I see others have is often the wives seem to play this I have a secret thing. My wife would out of nowhere come up and say she wants something done. I told her before I wanted a list of house chores she wanted me to do. She did not agree. Well, I said then do not expect me to jump and do what you want at the snap of finger. I told her Saturday mornings was the best time for me to dedicate time for doing things she wants me to do around the house. I needed to have a list posted by priority and I would get things ready during the week so I had all I needed to get things done on Saturday. She did not like it at first but now she loves this arrangement.
We men are willing to help more than women portray us. Women do not realize how unwilling they are to compromise as much as they claim they do, take care.
I agree. As long as you agree, everything is fine.
One problem I see is that having children changes things. Often there is a shift of balance when babies are born and it's not something both parties agreed to. For example, my husband never got up with the babies. I couldn't lay there and let them cry so I did even when I felt he should. If they woke me up and he was still sleeping, he'd get PO'd if I woke him up. His logic was I was up so I should take care of it.
I was just discussing this with a friend of mine who has three kids under 6, and both she and her husband work full time. She was telling me that before the kids, their division of labor was fairly traditional--she did "inside" chores like cooking and cleaning and laundry, and he did "outside" chores like yardwork and painting. Problem was, when the kids came, her work increased exponentially, while his stayed the same. So he'd take the trash out once a week and plop on the couch, proud of a job well done, while she'd be buried under nonstop laundry. They had a "come to Jesus" talk, and he's picking up the slack.
My observation when I see other couples having problems with taking care of the house is that women do contribute a lot to it in this sense. They expect the men to help but they say what help they want to allow the men to give and it has to be done exactly how it is to be done, micromanaged. That does turn many men off.
Another problem I see others have is often the wives seem to play this I have a secret thing. My wife would out of nowhere come up and say she wants something done. I told her before I wanted a list of house chores she wanted me to do. She did not agree. Well, I said then do not expect me to jump and do what you want at the snap of finger. .
1. Good point. If you want help, try not to criticize someone else's way of doing things (as long as the end result is the same).
2. I think that a lot of women get frustrated that they have to ask in the first place. I know I would be. I mean, why should we have to ask for someone to just go do something that needs to be done? Then that turns the woman into a nag...'nagging' someone to do the job they should have done in the first place. That is immensely frustrating.
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