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My husband and I have a true partnership. In the beginning we struggled a bit with division of labor issues (I always felt like I was doing more) but as we have matured and navigated life together, we have really found a good partnership, learned to appreciate each other and each other's sacrifices. If he gets to goof off one day, instead of feeling resentful, I now am glad he gets a break.
Anyway, I believe the biggest issue with non-clear gender roles, is the devaluation of the home, child raising, and taking care of the home. Now it's just all chores, division of labor, not a labor of love. Who is home providing a warm, nurturing place? Nobody. Everybody is working outside the home! Who is raising your child? Strangers at day care. Who is cooking nutritious, healthy meals? McDonald's, Wendy's and ruby Tuesday. Some of these things have completely lost value, and women who do chose to stay home are often times viewed as wasting their time and energy instead of providing important things towards the care and nurture of a family.
Also, women think they can have it all, and it's tremendous pressure to think we can do it all. I have no clue how women who work full time outside the home manage to also keep up with kids, kids activities, homework, dinner, groceries, laundry etc. I work part-time and it's a battle to do it all, and this is with a husband who pitches in with cooking, child care, and carting kids to activities.
So I say people need to do what works for them, and people need to quit devaluing what others find important. As a society we spend way too much time bashing other peoples choices.
This is after you said you had an issue with how other people manage their families, houses and meals.
Anyway, I believe the biggest issue with non-clear gender roles, is the devaluation of the home, child raising, and taking care of the home. Now it's just all chores, division of labor, not a labor of love. Who is home providing a warm, nurturing place? Nobody. Everybody is working outside the home! Who is raising your child? Strangers at day care. Who is cooking nutritious, healthy meals? McDonald's, Wendy's and ruby Tuesday. Some of these things have completely lost value, and women who do chose to stay home are often times viewed as wasting their time and energy instead of providing important things towards the care and nurture of a family.
I'm not sure where gender roles, as a positive, come into play with valuing the home and child raising. Clearly, both should be invested 110% and that's simply not the case where gender roles exist. At least not how I understand them.
Anyhow, my mother was a working mom (through out the 70s/80s). She worked days and my dad worked nights. We always had nutritious meals. We never ate out. She still lives that way now in her 70s (an Italian that cooks better food than found in most restaurants) and she still works p/t, does her home projects, landscaping, etc. She is one of the most compassionate and giving people I've ever known. She's the elder lady you'll see pulled over on the side of the road trying to shuffle a lost dog into her car. She attends her church regularly (lived in a convent from 14-19 yrs old). So no, it's not all McD's and day care. She's tough, kind, intelligent, and a fantastic ball room dancer. The fruits of her labor as a parent resulted in a human being that would lay in traffic for her. As her kid, I could not respect her more. I could not love or honor her more.
As far as how women who stay home are viewed, ime on the net at least, it's usually the other way around. This is highlighted by your comments below.
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Also, women think they can have it all, and it's tremendous pressure to think we can do it all. I have no clue how women who work full time outside the home manage to also keep up with kids, kids activities, homework, dinner, groceries, laundry etc. I work part-time and it's a battle to do it all, and this is with a husband who pitches in with cooking, child care, and carting kids to activities.
Those who manage successfully probably had a mom like mine. My husband doesn't just pitch in, he's front and center, full time with our life. To me it's not bizarre to have a man that bends over backwards for me and our life (as I do), but the norm. I learned from her successes and life lessons to choose a man carefully.
As far as having it all goes, I think that's a matter of perspective. Clearly, women with husband's that feel they're entitled to gender role shenanigans, like coming home after work and putting their feet up, have a rough time of it (imo). But, we're not all walking that path. We don't have kids yet, so I know I cannot grasp the entirety of the responsibilities involved, but based on my friendships with working moms, and all of my mom friends work, it depends on the partner. I have one gf that has a difficult time of it with her husband, but he has a bi-polar diagnosis. My best friend has an excellent marriage, and an excellent husband who not only works, but is a F/T parent. Still, he sends her off monthly for a weekend on her own at a fancy hotel for a solo bubble bath and wine.
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So I say people need to do what works for them, and people need to quit devaluing what others find important. As a society we spend way too much time bashing other peoples choices.
I am torn on this. I think that modern gender roles (as popularly portrayed on television, anyway) are harmful to both men and women. Women are strongly encouraged to become more and more like the masculine stereotype of the past. Men, IMO, never had a fair shake at any time -- b/c as I have stated before, society does its darndest to stamp out all feelings of softheartedness, outward portrayals of love and emotion, gentleness, soft-spokenness, etc. in men, from the time they are small boys. There is nothing "wrong" with encouraging men to explore their more loving, caring and compassionate ("feminine"?) sides. It doesn't make them weak at all -- in fact, I make it makes them even stronger.
I agree, although, I suggest that you turn off the boob tube outside breaking news and the discovery channel (my bias).
Over the past 50-60 years, where there once were clear gender roles, (Men were the bread winners, women were the mommys) now it seems that which ever person can be whatever he/she wants. My question is not about women's liberation, (I personally would rather date/marry a liberated woman than a woman with societal limitations), but instead how do you think blurred gender roles have effected our (hetrosexual) relationships...
I think it is a good thing for both men and women, but I think there are some men who are really cheezed off about it...and there are some women who try to have their cake and eat it, too.
and there are some women who try to have their cake and eat it, too.
I suspect we all define that differently, so what do you mean by it? What's the cake that women shouldn't be eating?
eat: after googling I see some folk saying it's about wanting to have something not worked for or one thing is always at the cost of another. This seem highly variable to me.
This phrase is easier to understand if it is read as "You can't eat your cake, and have it too". Obviously once you've eaten your cake, you won't have it any more. Used for expressing the impossibility of having something both ways, if those two ways conflict.
Some women want to have all the power the new liberated relationships allow them - they want to be treated as equals; however, they also want men to treat them like they did before (like precious jewels, paying for everything, etc).
Meanwhile, most complaints I hear from men are in regards to being expected to help around the house.
This phrase is easier to understand if it is read as "You can't eat your cake, and have it too". Obviously once you've eaten your cake, you won't have it any more. Used for expressing the impossibility of having something both ways, if those two ways conflict.
Some women want to have all the power the new liberated relationships allow them - they want to be treated as equals; however, they also want men to treat them like they did before (like precious jewels, paying for everything, etc).
Meanwhile, most complaints I hear from men are in regards to being expected to help around the house.
Ahh, I see what you're saying and totally agree. What I typically come across, as I understand it, is claims of wanting career and family (having it all) as having the cake, eating it, etc.
eta: that happened to be the message I got from addicted2helping.
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I think that is an excellent idea (too much junk these days on TV anyway) 
