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I am immediately turned off by "HEY LADIES I am sooo wonderful..." blah, blah... Get that all the time by 'quantity guys' just playing the numbers and you sound like one since you want to put a generic paragraph in your emails. Some people chat with each other and even know each other irl online, so the generic email tag will tank.
Everyone wants to feel special, don't you? How would you like a girl who sent you a 'Hey sexxxay, saw your profile and would like to get to know ya' when she sent it to everyone. Is that really accomplishing meeting someone special? Look, if you want a sincere, nice girl, you have to be a sincere, nice guy. (not saying you aren't and don't mean to be hard on you)
Also, don't write checks you can't cash by proclaiming how nice and fun you are. It's just room for trouble. NO one actually believes that because their experience with you is the true test and it'll range from lousy to wonderful depending.
I've written a lot of profiles for my friends and myself on POF and other sites, even won a competition. The key is you need to say something that is a bit more revealing and deeper than what you like to do. A funny observation or quirky habits will set you apart. A profile is a place to fill in the blanks outside of your interests. POF has a section where you check your interests so that should already be taken care of.
Profiles are about getting to know who you are, in detail. A lot of what you say is quite generic. SO you like pretty, natural girls.......great. Your last paragraph contains a lot of negativity. Big no no and really turns people away. The point is to attract people to you, not repeal them because they might be afraid they wear too much make-up for you. Don't say what you don't like as you will determine that anyway right? NEVER be negative in your profile.
Think about who are you and what do you really want? A few sentences that are original and well thought out will hit the mark. Less is better if it's sincere. POF has a forum where you can get people to review your profile and offer suggestions. Try that out too.
Your profile is too long. No girl is reading all that
No way did you read the OP's draft profile. You read the first two sentences then looked at the length and figured that it would be a waste of time. The majority as usual disagrees with you. The only reason you say that no "girl is reading all that" is because you aren't able to. That in itself doesn't make it a fact which applies to the rest of the world. Your success on dating sites hardly makes any advice you give credible ...
I pretty much agree with everything that's been said, OP. It's well written and catchy and if you can just avoid drinking wine and making a bit of an ass of yourself as you did in that other thread about the FWB business then I'm guessing this will bring you some nice responses. Good luck!
Was this the profile that attracted the girl looking for sex?
Yeah lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommodonahue
I think you need to try going out to the bar and getting some social interaction experience. That will probably help you with your online dating.
1. "Bear (Rawwrrr!!), lame. Yes, it stands out.. as lame; how old are you?
2. You try WAY too hard.
3. I'm sure most girls can figure out if a message is a cookie-cutter. Your cookie-cutter message reeks of a pathetic, needy, clingy person. --- Women don't like to hear guys talk about themselves, especially in a subtle bragging way, "I volunteer for an organization that donates..". You've got to tie that into something that they do...
4. Most of your photos make it look like you wear the same shirt. Even though you aren't, assuming women have a giant pool to choose from, they'll be browsing quickly. I've seen my best girl friend browse through a fashion website, able to determine what's good and what's not just by scrolling.
5. Obviously, take out the first bit. Should take out everything.. No one wants to read. Talk about yourself in sweeping generalizations.
6. Take out the last bit too. No woman wants to have constraints on them. Standards, whatever they may be - not good showcasing what they are to any woman. You've got to be flexible and appreciate unique-ness. I don't have standards, mainly because every single person is different and there are a million amazing combinations of personalities and physical looks in the world.
7. MMA is your favorite sport? Lame. Hope you don't wear TAPOUT and ED HARDY.
8. Too many exclamation points. Don't mix well with your photos that don't show you smiling. Makes you seem like a beta-male, able to type what he wants to be, but unable to be it in real life.
Photos to take out:
6 - Cool, we can see you in your car racing. Makes you seem shallow and materialistic. I'm sure the woman will be rather impressed seeing it as a surprise rather than on a dating website where you think it'll attract women.
5- Who is that girl?Sister? Ex-girl friend? She's sort of cute. No woman wants to attempt to deal with that.
4. Ok, but t-shirt light colored unnecessarily baggy jeans for what seems to be, house shoes - not a great style in my opinion.
3. You look like a high school goth. Cross-earing? Cool if that's your belief and your thing. But, some women may be non-religious (Ok if you don't want a non-religious woman) and others may be slightly, but off by the fact that you display it so vividly. Also, smile maybe? Self-portrait photos are also alluding to the fact of no friends.
2. The only good photo.
1. (See point 3)
It is my belief. Something wrong with being Christian? That way I never take it off like a necklace.
You sound like one of those PUA idiots. I'm trying to find a girl who's going to be my future wife. Not some superficial, whorish, stupid, IQ-of-squirrel, attention-span-of-a-fly, kind of girl. If the said girl can't read 4 paragraphs and if her own profile is 2 lines saying a bunch of nonsense, we wont' be compatible anyway. If I wanted just sex, I would be at a club getting girls or going out with that ***** who msg'd me wanting to be FWB. But the girl I'm looking for is not a club ***** lol.
I think you need to try going out to the bar and getting some social interaction experience. That will probably help you with your online dating.
1. "Bear (Rawwrrr!!), lame. Yes, it stands out.. as lame; how old are you?
2. You try WAY too hard.
3. I'm sure most girls can figure out if a message is a cookie-cutter. Your cookie-cutter message reeks of a pathetic, needy, clingy person. --- Women don't like to hear guys talk about themselves, especially in a subtle bragging way, "I volunteer for an organization that donates..". You've got to tie that into something that they do...
4. Most of your photos make it look like you wear the same shirt. Even though you aren't, assuming women have a giant pool to choose from, they'll be browsing quickly. I've seen my best girl friend browse through a fashion website, able to determine what's good and what's not just by scrolling.
5. Obviously, take out the first bit. Should take out everything.. No one wants to read. Talk about yourself in sweeping generalizations.
6. Take out the last bit too. No woman wants to have constraints on them. Standards, whatever they may be - not good showcasing what they are to any woman. You've got to be flexible and appreciate unique-ness. I don't have standards, mainly because every single person is different and there are a million amazing combinations of personalities and physical looks in the world.
7. MMA is your favorite sport? Lame. Hope you don't wear TAPOUT and ED HARDY.
8. Too many exclamation points. Don't mix well with your photos that don't show you smiling. Makes you seem like a beta-male, able to type what he wants to be, but unable to be it in real life.
Photos to take out:
6 - Cool, we can see you in your car racing. Makes you seem shallow and materialistic. I'm sure the woman will be rather impressed seeing it as a surprise rather than on a dating website where you think it'll attract women.
5- Who is that girl?Sister? Ex-girl friend? She's sort of cute. No woman wants to attempt to deal with that.
4. Ok, but t-shirt light colored unnecessarily baggy jeans for what seems to be, house shoes - not a great style in my opinion.
3. You look like a high school goth. Cross-earing? Cool if that's your belief and your thing. But, some women may be non-religious (Ok if you don't want a non-religious woman) and others may be slightly, but off by the fact that you display it so vividly. Also, smile maybe? Self-portrait photos are also alluding to the fact of no friends.
2. The only good photo.
1. (See point 3)
Agree with #5.
Theres room for improvement in fashion, as long as its not extreme.
He could remove the earring, but what happens on the 3rd or 4th date when he shows up in his Ed Hardy T shirt and cross in his ear?
It is my belief. Something wrong with being Christian? That way I never take it off like a necklace.
You sound like one of those PUA idiots. I'm trying to find a girl who's going to be my future wife. Not some superficial, whorish, stupid, IQ-of-squirrel, attention-span-of-a-fly, kind of girl. If the said girl can't read 4 paragraphs and if her own profile is 2 lines saying a bunch of nonsense, we wont' be compatible anyway. If I wanted just sex, I would be at a club getting girls or going out with that ***** who msg'd me wanting to be FWB. But the girl I'm looking for is not a club ***** lol.
Actually, opposite of. Your profile will attract superficial, whorish or stupid women. Because, that's how your profile comes off as.
It's not that your profile is long, it's that it comes off as immature and ridiculous within the first few sentences. No one is going to give you the benefit of the doubt after that.
Also, if you READ, I said there was nothing wrong with your religion. Just gave you some ideas of what people may think.
Try volunteering more. Signing up for classes somewhere. There, you might find someone you're looking for.
Oh and as you said, this was the very same profile the attracted women just wanting sex. So, my point proven.
Actually, opposite of. Your profile will attract superficial, whorish or stupid women. Because, that's how your profile comes off as.
It's not that your profile is long, it's that it comes off as immature and ridiculous within the first few sentences. No one is going to give you the benefit of the doubt after that.
Also, if you READ, I said there was nothing wrong with your religion. Just gave you some ideas of what people may think.
Try volunteering more. Signing up for classes somewhere. There, you might find someone you're looking for.
Oh and as you said, this was the very same profile the attracted women just wanting sex. So, my point proven.
I already said that I took out first paragraph and made it shorter earlier in the thread. The new version is as follows:
A little about me - I grew up in Europe and moved to the U.S. to attend college. After graduating, I decided to make Miami my home and started a business in the automotive industry. I would consider myself a very ambitious person, but not to the point that I let my business consume all of my time and energy. I like going to the beach, working out, spending an evening in a nice restaurant with friends, etc. I travel outside FL regularly and love discovering new places. I'm not a big partier but do go out to clubs once in a while when a really good DJ is playing.
I enjoy watching movies and have a very diverse taste (some of my favorites are Dark Knight, Inception, Scarface, Pan's Labyrinth, Interview with the Vampire, Edward Scissorhands, etc) and shows (big fan of Dexter). I love listening to music and going to concerts. My favorite bands are The Beatles, Guns & Roses, and Aerosmith. I always wanted to learn guitar but could never find time for it... maybe one day. My other interests include photography, learning about new cultures, and trying new cuisines. I can't live without steak, seafood, and sushi!
I'm a huge car and motorcycle guy and love taking mine to the race track. Health is also important to me. To stay in shape I practice jiujitsu, lift weights, swim, and enjoy running outdoors (especially on the beach). MMA is my favorite sport. Basically I try to live life to the fullest and get the most out of every day! My biggest passion in life is helping ill and underprivileged children. I'm currently working on starting a nonprofit organization that donates used Sony PSP's to children's hospitals and foster homes. I didn't have much growing up and it means a lot to me to be able to make some very unlucky kids a little happier and improve their outlook on life. I hope that one day I can make a significant positive difference in the world.
As far as what I'm looking for - I'm hoping to find a girl who's beautiful inside and out; in other words, someone who is kindhearted, honest, and emotionally stable (a little drama is OK, just don't go psycho on me lol). The biggest turn-off would have to be when girls start playing games; life's too short for that. I want someone I can be myself with, not someone I have to impress 24/7. I'm not a date-a-million-girls at the same time kind of guy, my last relationship was 5 years long and by now I know exactly what I want in life. I don't like superficial and fake things, so if I'm seeing someone I want it to be meaningful.
I already said that I took out first paragraph and made it shorter earlier in the thread. The new version is as follows:
A little about me - I grew up in Europe and moved to the U.S. to attend college. After graduating, I decided to make Miami my home and started a business in the automotive industry. I would consider myself a very ambitious person, but not to the point that I let my business consume all of my time and energy. I like going to the beach, working out, spending an evening in a nice restaurant with friends, etc. I travel outside FL regularly and love discovering new places. I'm not a big partier but do go out to clubs once in a while when a really good DJ is playing.
I enjoy watching movies and have a very diverse taste (some of my favorites are Dark Knight, Inception, Scarface, Pan's Labyrinth, Interview with the Vampire, Edward Scissorhands, etc) and shows (big fan of Dexter). I love listening to music and going to concerts. My favorite bands are The Beatles, Guns & Roses, and Aerosmith. I always wanted to learn guitar but could never find time for it... maybe one day. My other interests include photography, learning about new cultures, and trying new cuisines. I can't live without steak, seafood, and sushi!
I'm a huge car and motorcycle guy and love taking mine to the race track. Health is also important to me. To stay in shape I practice jiujitsu, lift weights, swim, and enjoy running outdoors (especially on the beach). MMA is my favorite sport. Basically I try to live life to the fullest and get the most out of every day! My biggest passion in life is helping ill and underprivileged children. I'm currently working on starting a nonprofit organization that donates used Sony PSP's to children's hospitals and foster homes. I didn't have much growing up and it means a lot to me to be able to make some very unlucky kids a little happier and improve their outlook on life. I hope that one day I can make a significant positive difference in the world.
As far as what I'm looking for - I'm hoping to find a girl who's beautiful inside and out; in other words, someone who is kindhearted, honest, and emotionally stable (a little drama is OK, just don't go psycho on me lol). The biggest turn-off would have to be when girls start playing games; life's too short for that. I want someone I can be myself with, not someone I have to impress 24/7. I'm not a date-a-million-girls at the same time kind of guy, my last relationship was 5 years long and by now I know exactly what I want in life. I don't like superficial and fake things, so if I'm seeing someone I want it to be meaningful.
I'd lose what I bolded and add something funny and eye-catching at the beginning - to replace what was there. The idea was good; it just wasn't implemented right.
Everyone wants to feel special, don't you? How would you like a girl who sent you a 'Hey sexxxay, saw your profile and would like to get to know ya' when she sent it to everyone. Is that really accomplishing meeting someone special? Look, if you want a sincere, nice girl, you have to be a sincere, nice guy. (not saying you aren't and don't mean to be hard on you)
I'd set up a meeting with that girl, worst case scenario is we meet and I don't like her, so that's what a couple of hours wasted? Big deal.
1. "Always wanted to play guitar, but couldn't find the time for it": Subtle, I'm trying to impress you with things I want to do, but will probably never do them. Then, when you date me and find out I play video games and not play guitar, it's obvious I'm just trying to impress you.
2. Don't go Psycho on you? Yeah. I don't have to say anything about that.
3. Take out the last paragraph. Let the women contact you, you sort them out when they contact you or you contact them. Giving them strigent standards isn't something women want to see.
4. "I can't live without..." Sounds needy.
5. I don't know how old you are, but for a lot of women, club goers (Whether it says you don't go a lot or not, is a turn off) - especially with the whole MMA thing.
6. Your profile is boring and seems more like a filled out questionnaire. Doesn't flow.
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then I'm guessing this will bring you some nice responses. Good luck! 
