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looks don't matter anyway. it's what's inside that counts.
Mod cut: Let's watch the personal barbs, please.
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some guys like fat women with cottage cheese legs ...good for them....in NYC I have seen some very strange things. My MD there was a pale thin former cross country runner from Northwestern via a small city in Minnesota. He unabashedly only dated BBW women of color...he took them to the Xmas party, to functions with the client, and strolled hand in hand with them around central park. he never gave a darn what anybody said....I admired him for that.
Definitely respect for him. Not many guys(especially fit guys) would be willing to do that. I would date someone with a little junk in the trunk, but not sure about BBW.
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You are right...there is something for everybody in NYC.
There is someone for everyone, but it's also important to know where you stand. Whether we want to admit it or not, leagues do exist.
And I'm saying the men that are in need to be sexed by their servers are lacking. Yes, I'm serious. I doubt it has anything to do with naivety, but experience. You people act as if an abundance of sex is some novel thing.
I have no idea what you're meaning by appropriate behavior. Nor did I note who is or is not noticing other human beings. Finally, most of you will take what you can get because that's the height of your options. Oh well, so sad. Who cares.
i really don't see the connection between hooking up with an attractive waitress and being "lacking" or "need[ing] to be sexed by servers" in any way. in fact, if anything, it proves that the guy has something most other guys don't, meaning he's the exact opposite of what would be considered "lacking" by most women. unless you meant his character, the connection to which is again not very clear. such a guy is just making the best of a good opportunity. again, i'm not talking dating/relationships here - just sex.
as for what i meant by "appropriate behavior" - you did state that something's got to be off with someone if they venture outside of their normal circles to seek sex/companionship, did you not? implying that it was, in fact, inappropriate, for such a person to do so?
To those of you who are bickering in this thread and posting personal barbs, you're coming awfully close to outright personal attacks. This thread will be closed if it doesn't stop.
PLEASE STICK TO THE TOPIC and leave your personal opinions of each other out of it.
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Well, this has turned into my personal nightmare. I never intended to brag about my dating life. My whole point was that it's possible to find love in New York City. I've been with my husband for 10 years. I just had a baby and am feeling a little down about my looks andI let some jerk get the best of me. For the record, I've had body image issues my whole life. I've never thought I was that hot - but I know that many men do. That might not make sense but it's the truth.
No more personal attacks! The thread is slowly drifting off subject.
I think you're failing to account for cultural differences when it comes to courtship, and blaming it all on race instead. What works for small-talk to chat up a "babe" differs from culture to culture- some techniques are considered VERY rude once you cross cultural lines. IT is VERY rude, in my culture, to make any sexual innuendos or to make sexual desire plain. What a breath of fresh air it was when my future husband kissed my hand on our first date, as opposed to some jerks who couldn't keep their hands off my as after the first 5 minutes.
No more personal attacks! The thread is slowly drifting off subject.
SRJTH I should have listened to you!
Huh???
Anyway - my whole point is that there are so many different kinds of people in New York that it's totally possible to find the kind of person you are looking for. It might take awhile but it's totally possible. New York also takes awhile just to get used to when you move there. To be honest, it took me a few years until I really felt like it was home to me. Just go there with an open mind and explore.
And for the record, YES, "I've been around the block a few times" and make no apologies for it.
I actually like that. We need more women like you. The "no strings attached" type. More women like you equals more sex for me. I hate having to put in work, so a girl who gives it up easily would be welcome in my home any time.
I equate it to being a scavenger. Or preying on a already weak herbivore. Don't want to go through the hassle and BS, which is why I've been single, but at the same time I still am sexually active, however only with easy girls.
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If you think you're insulting me - You're NOT. Only men who aren't good lovers and are intimidated by women who ARE will say what you just said. It means NOTHING to me. This is why you're alone and probably getting whack sex. You're too busy passing judgment on women who can please you and putting them in a box.
OR you get a woman, can't please her, she tries to tell you how without bringing the "freak" out and you either have some "barriers" of what you will and won't do or you have no clue at all.
You're probably one of those "quiet" men who don't moan, talk dirty and a girl has to drag an answer out of you to see if you're enjoying it or not.
I'd rather have gone "around the block a few times" than be YOU.
Maybe you and me could have a little one on one, and you show me all I need to know.
Seriously though, I usually argue and debate till the end. I also insult and degrade people, but you were honest. You admit that you're a little loose, which is what I approve of. Getting into a girls pants is too much work, thank god we have the likes of you around.
So I am sorry, I wish I could insult you and treat you like crap, but I just can't do it.
I actually like that. We need more women like you. The "no strings attached" type. More women like you equals more sex for me. I hate having to put in work, so a girl who gives it up easily would be welcome in my home any time.
I equate it to being a scavenger. Or preying on a already weak herbivore. Don't want to go through the hassle and BS, which is why I've been single, but at the same time I still am sexually active, however only with easy girls.
Never said I was easy or loose honey. I'm VERY selective. You and I would NEVER happen. Ever. Don't get it twisted.
You stay dealing with the dweebs of the female sex as you SHOULD.
In my experience, Nice Guys (not guys who happen to be nice but Nice Guys) are closet misogynists. Examples from this thread:
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Dude. Stop kidding yourself. If you were attractive--by definition you would have women attracted to you. By your own admission, you don't. It's not them. It's you.
Sigh. Why must you think I am a internet geek who is still a virgin? Bro, I have had sex with a good amount of women. What I do lack, and it is my own fault, is relationships. I don't feel the need to bull**** a girl in order for her to fall for me. Women are weak and inferior. So why do I have to gass her up? That should tell you that the girls I have screwed, have been open sexually. They attacked me and I put in no work. This feeds my ego. Should also tell you that I am not as bad looking as you think. BTW, no guy is ever going to be stopped by a non-drunk female on the streets of NYC and be told he is hot. Women expect men to do it, so while they'll give you hints, they're not going to jump at you and tear your clothes off.
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No guy is *owed* a relationship from a woman. If women don't want to date you, YOU are the problem, not them. This is the essence of the Nice Guy. He doesn't get play and rather than examining what he might be doing wrong, instead he thinks they all juss biotches. How DARE they not want to sleep with/date/marry him? How DARE they find someone else attractive? It protects his ego but doesn't solve the problem. The common factor is you. Stop overcomplicating the matter.
To be honest, I don't even try. I am destined to be single. My mentality has been formed by years of dating unfaithful, money hungry, inconsiderate little brats who one after the other let me out to dry. Yes they were all ghetto, didn't finish school, and were Puerto Rican. Not all females are like that but when you constantly go through that, it messes you up. After 2009 I said, "Im done"...
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Lastly saying
is just creepy. Really misogynistic.
My trust issues overwhelm me. No point in talking to a female nicely in order to get her, just to disrespect her to the verge of tears due to my trust issues. She doesn't deserve it. I am to some girls a grade A douche. I don't believe in having female friends. I admit of having a flaw, and that flaw is making females carry the weight of what my ex's made me go through.
Yes Yes good old WL had to come in on this thread.
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Originally Posted by Bronxguyanese
MY thing is this that I put women in this city into three groups the Transplants, the Natives and the Immigrants same could be said about men too. All women across the three categories are looking for finicial security and stability aswell as safety net this is natural to some extent except for some natives and to a lesser extent Transplants. Transplant women in NYC for the msot part are Niave, they come from small towns and move to big cities like NYC and have random sex with herpes free out of towners. Transplants tend to date other Transplants here in this city and are very reluctant on not to date locals aswell as immigrants unless or he she is European or Southern Cone South American. Native NYC women are crazy and nuerotic and also have alot of baggage, most likely to be single parent and also to be carrying that single independent women attitude. Also very likely to take babies daddy to court for child support money. Native women here are good at picking short term mates but not good at picking a longterm companion. Immigrant women are another beast, they tend also to be picky most likely date or be in a relationship with a man thats in a similar cultural background or date a citizen for finincial reasons to become a resident of the U.S which is not good. The only thing I like about some immigrant women like African and Asian types is that they are goal oriented compared to Latin American and European breads. NYC women have to much baggage, to much baby father drama and have that independent women mantra going on, which I dont mind but it used to the max however they still ask for funds. Looks like Im going to have to go to the Midwest or West Coast and shoot my genetics inside one of women and start a family.
Rep, bro your always spot on with your assessments. Native women have a lot more hang ups than say the broads you meet from down south, the midwest or the west coast. In general I've had lots of experiences with chicks in the northeast/mid atlantic like this. In addition a lot of our women here just act too masculine or they think it's okay to be fat. I'm not with that. I agree with the cultural background thing as well, you know here we have our pick with all types of women. It's an assorted menu, chinese on monday, indian on tuesday, italian on friday etc. I'm the type of guy who loves to try them out and (native) cats will love to give you flack (esp broads...oh your a traitor etc.) BS.
I actually hate the midwest but I love dealing with the women when they're here. Yes bro you have to go take a trip to So Cal lots of women DTF.
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Originally Posted by surftb15
Let me add my .02 cents about dating in NYC.
-> Women in NYC expect a lot. Moreso then any other zip code. They want to experience everything NYC has to offer. You have to want to explore and be actively involved socially to really find a great girl.
-> Women in NYC also always like to compare. They are highly analytical. The girl I am currrently dating lost friends because they were jelous about the things we were doing, restaurants where we dined, etc. Even though her friends were also in relationships, with really good guys BTW, they just weren't experiencing what we were.
-> Women in NYC also like to have a guy whom they can talk about to their coworkers. They want to be able to say.."he brought me here, he bought me this, etc."
Thats it.
I think the comparing thing goes both ways, for instance you take a cat who never travels uptown and place him with some body who never leaves uptown. They're whole conversation will be on some compare and contrast tip. Yeah chicks out here do like to say there dude brought him here or bought her something etc, a good deal of the time she's also F ing some other dude on the side while stringing that simp along.
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Originally Posted by SuperMario
I am going to speak from a Hispanic/African American/Black male's point of view.
I don't know how white women work, but it's probably more of the same.
The problem with women in NYC is the fellas. I am a very attractive guy, no lie. Yet, I haven't been in a relationship in 2 years. The problem? Competition. Thirsty guys gas a females head so much, that she believes she is untouchable, and that she is the most amazing thing on this planet. A female walks around and probably gets hundreds of compliments/cat calls a day. Anything from "God bless you" to "Wow you're an angel" to "Let me tap that butt". This inflates their ego. I remember how those compliments used to make me feel when I used to get them. I would smile from ear to ear, and my self esteem would go through the roof. Females need this adoration daily in order to survive. Females in nature are very insecure, weak, and inferior beings. So with all this attention (which they think is sincere, when in actuality the guy just wants to beat) they think as themselves as other worldly, which in turn means that guys are going to rejected every single time.
If all guys would stop gassing girls up, they will come back down to earth. They're going to start hollering at us males, and they will NOT play hard to get. Their self esteems would be through the floor, and many females would be on suicide watch. The lack of compliments, to them, would mean that they're no longer attractive. Look at some of the threads here, on NYC cat calls. There are some females here who complain about it, mostly because the guys doing it are "short village people" and not their Brad Pitt. It is ironic, because if we guys stop cat calling females, they would get on here, with their little bitty sob story of how they feel unloved and neglected. They would LONG for the days of the short village people. How would you guys feel if you'd receive tons of compliments daily? I know I would be on the moon.
So I, as an attractive male, REFUSE, to compliment females. They do not deserve it. For what? for what's between their legs? So what! That doesn't make them any better than me. I am superior to them, as I don't feel lonely, am not needy, don't long for cuddling, or relationships, or love. I am independent, as most guys in nature are, and can survive alone. Why don't they compliment me? Why should I lower myself to their level? I am not going to humble myself. If guys would start practicing this, they would see the difference. But to many stupid, thirsty guys, who kill it for the rest of us.
Sorry chicks, ya aint all that.
Rant is officially over./
REP, on point.
Your in University Heights right? cats are real thirsty around there (the closer to fordham..i.e creston, valentine.. the thirstier). You take a walk down fordham and you'll see a high ratio of dudes dating down, catering to some whales who have put butter on both sides of the bread. You hit something important right on the nail. Thirsty dudes enabling fugly chicks to actually think they're worth something. Even if she looks good, she's nothing special, just another broad.
The rough thing about over there is when you don't give those tricks any play they'll take the ad hominem tip and be like this dude's gay or some dumb ish like that. This is really the case in most hood areas. Men are superior to women, we aren't equal (that's for another discussion entirely). You don't necessarily need a relationship, just find someone to f (who isn't homely) and your good. Also in the hood you have a higher ratio of dumb shallow chicks looking to play the victim card, as well as looking to trade up with the swiftness.
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Originally Posted by Bronxguyanese
Agreed man. There is no point to cat call these women in NYC, its really a waste of my time and also thiers. I retired from cat calling women or any sort of complement such as take it easy out there or have a nice day to even bless you more than half a decade ago. It felt lame too even too cheesy. But its not me Im not that type of guy to call out to a girl. But its true some guys around here are so thirsty for women they ruin it for other potential guys looking for a relationship with a woman. Quite frankly many women in NYC think they are to good for thier own kind. One of the real reason I wanna leave NYC is for dating and relationship. ONe chick told me If I was to go to Tennesse I probably wont come back to NYC because of the women.
Last men in NYC who are currently in a relationship with a woman and have other things involved like children or marriage or even owning property should be prepared for when the woman is ready to leave you for something better, which is very common in NYC especially in hood areas, better is a subjective word it could for be for financial reasons or emotional or even sexual reasons. It could be a finincial mess with these chicks here. I cant forget when I was going to a Yankee game and some Italian guy who looked like the Situation came out of family court all dressed up crying mad as hell and babling about paying child support to his ex. Im like better you then me.
Exactly what I was saying with broads looking for a quick fix to trade up, hypergamy is rampant in the hood more so than anywhere else. It IS a financial mess with the majority broads out here. If your raking in the $$ and you have something good going for you, it's best just to smash broads out here and keep it moving. In reality if you want to have a long term relationship and find a wife, you should do it out in a rural or "country" area. Urban area's ruin women hard for the most part. Thats why when you meet that chick from the midwest your suprised, she actually says sorry when someone bumps her on the subway etc. and your like where the f is the girl from? I've found that those women are great bangs.
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Originally Posted by DrVanNostren
As someone who has lived in NYC and in Socal...NYC women are completely overrated, especially in the looks department. Most've them had terrible attitudes, and wear too-much makeup and look hideous in the morning.
In Socal, the women are generally laid-back and many of them are beautiful. Even the women who are less attractive physically have a good, out-going personality. Also, there is more diversity and people seem to date different races more often.
The arrogance of New Yorkers always makes me laugh, especially during the long winter months when they are freezing their asses off. qwy - you seem like a good guy so I hope your experience is different. If not, there are plenty of good medical schools in Cali where you can do your residency.
I have a bunch of business associates who've I've worked with for years, all from the west coast. When were having blizzards out here they text me pics from the beach and ask me when I'm moving out there. If your from the east coast, Cali does something great for your psyche. SoCal women are in general more feminine than the women on the east coast, hell I find them more feminine than broads from the bay.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I lived in NYC for 12 years and many of my friends still live there. Most of my girlfriends are extremely attractive and successful. Many of them recently got married to great guys. They are all in their early/mid thirties.
Guess what? Women in New York City are people, too. They aren't all spoiled, evil, horrible women. They can be funny, kind, smart, etc, - just like women in other places. Crazy, isn't it?
And if you only care about very attractive women - you aren't ready to be in a real relationship anyway. Yes, attraction is important. But when you make looks your only priority, then you make finding a true partner very difficult. You are young - hopefully you will see the error of your ways.
As for myself - I didn't talk about my dating in NYC because I've never really been single. Just wanted to explain why I didn't talk about my own dating experiences.
I'm curious, where are you from originally?
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Originally Posted by Braunwyn
NYC is not one variable. As has been clearly noted it's an umbrella for dozens of variables.
I don't buy the millionaire dating the waitress story. It's a hypothetical anecdote thrown around on this forum quite a bit, but it's pretty worthless. The rich and beautiful in NY are dating the rich and beautiful in NY, just as they do around the globe.
Mom I'm sorry that I couldn't make it home on thanksgiving, but come this xmas i'll be sure to tell you plenty of stories about my friends in financial and legal fields banging waitresses and staburcks baristas.
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Originally Posted by Datafeed
It is irrelevant what you "buy" or believe. Many people believe incorrect things and disbelieve correct things. A fact is a fact. Use logic for a moment:
Think in terms of proximity and the demographics of certain career types that gravitate towards NYC.
Look at a trading floor and what do you see? What you will see is Alpha men, with quant degrees from very good schools and normally equally as good grad schools. These men are normally young and, quite frankly rich. There are very few women on the trading floor. So who do they date? Unnhuh...and remember, a guy is a guy, he will sleep with most anything not repulsive.
I for one believe that money is only a small part of the equation in determining peer group though.
In NYC it's not uncommon for a trader to make 100s of thousands of dollars a year. In my place of work, i routinely saw men dating women who worked in the service industry or women who were certainly on a lower rung of the soicio-economic ladder.
There is still no exact parity with men and women in the higher level workplace--many highly educated women drop out to raise a family or just don't climb the ladder as successfully as men do. So parity would not be a Goldman Sachs VP for another Goldman Sacs VP. But the dearth of women--see the post above-- combined with the libido of men results in men dating outside of their socio-economic group in NYC.
Second, to reiterate again: proximity or access. When people are put in close proximity to each other they interact, date, and mate. Mahattan is truly a cosmopolitan city. Millionairess, billionaires, and welfare reciepeints all rub shoulders on a daily basics.
great post, REP
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