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A annoying mental condition in which a heterosexual man concocts over simplified ideas why women aren’t flocking to him in droves. Typically this male will whine and complain about how women never want to date them because he is “too nice” or that he is average in appearance. He often targets a woman who is already in a relationship; misrepresenting his intentions of wanting to be her friend and having the expectation that he is owed more than friendship because he is such a good listener. He is prone to brooding over this and passive aggressive behavior.
He is too stupid to realize the reason women don’t find him attractive is because he feels sorry for himself, he concludes that women like to be treated like ****. Nice Guy Syndrome is one reason why I don't try to make friends with heterosexual men.
Men who suffer from NGS vary from the angst filled teenager with no date on friday night to the 49 year old man who has never been married or had a meaningful relationship with a woman.
In my experience, Nice Guys (not guys who happen to be nice but Nice Guys) are closet misogynists. Examples from this thread:
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The problem with women in NYC is the fellas. I am a very attractive guy, no lie. Yet, I haven't been in a relationship in 2 years. The problem? Competition. Thirsty guys gas a females head so much, that she believes she is untouchable, and that she is the most amazing thing on this planet.
So I, as an attractive male, REFUSE, to compliment females. They do not deserve it. For what? for what's between their legs? So what! That doesn't make them any better than me. I am superior to them, as I don't feel lonely, am not needy, don't long for cuddling, or relationships, or love.
Dude. Stop kidding yourself. If you were attractive--by definition you would have women attracted to you. By your own admission, you don't. It's not them. It's you.
No guy is *owed* a relationship from a woman. If women don't want to date you, YOU are the problem, not them. This is the essence of the Nice Guy. He doesn't get play and rather than examining what he might be doing wrong, instead he thinks they all juss biotches. How DARE they not want to sleep with/date/marry him? How DARE they find someone else attractive? It protects his ego but doesn't solve the problem. The common factor is you. Stop overcomplicating the matter.
Lastly saying
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So I, as an attractive male, REFUSE, to compliment females. They do not deserve it. For what? for what's between their legs?
NYC is not one variable. As has been clearly noted it's an umbrella for dozens of variables.
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In NYC you have such a diverse collection of people in a densely populated area that it's quite feasible that the cute CUNY drop out barista sits next to the MBA multimillionaire 28 year old options trader on the 9 train each am. They smile, they talk, they cohabitate.
The collection of very wealthy very successful people in Manhattan mixed in with those that exist to serve them often combines for a special cocktail.
In Wisconsin, where I am from, such large discrepancies of wealth, class, intellect, and education simply do not not exist;thus, the ability to date or even interact significantly with folk beyond one's peer group is very limited.
I don't buy the millionaire dating the waitress story. It's a hypothetical anecdote thrown around on this forum quite a bit, but it's pretty worthless. The rich and beautiful in NY are dating the rich and beautiful in NY, just as they do around the globe.
No not really but I do have an account. Recently I tried Badoo and I met a single ghetto mom from Williamsbridge section of the Bronx shes in her mid thirties with two kids from two different baby fathers, shes latina btw. I only see her as a possible play thing at most. However I may not do anything at all because I dont like to hurt peoples feelings which is more worse than physical abuse.
Awwww, you're a sweety. Classy dude. I respect that.
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One thing I notice about online dating especially for women between 21-30 are lookign for an attractive man which is only good in the short run,
I'm not gonna lie. I could be 80 years old, but I will want a handsome older man. Why? Cause I've dealt with unattractive men that I wasn't physically attracted to and every time they touched me I was repulsed. I didn't care about how much money they had or how upwardly mobile they were. The only way I could get through sex with them is if I got drunk and if it wasn't drunk sex, then it was an "ordeal" I wanted to be over. It didn't even matter if they were good lovers. That only made it worse.
The person doesn't have to be drop dead, but he does have to physically appealing to MY eyes. Everything else such as personality, career, etc., can be dealt with later.
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but for women if you look doofy or goofy, chubby face, too dark or too pale its a no no. Sadly enough many women on dating sites are not good looking themselves, so for the most part Im going to opt out of online dating.
It's unfortunate how women will advertise for something, but not LOOK the part or fix themselves up by either losing weight, wearing makeup (not a lot, but mostly all look great in photos), etc.
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I still can never forget the myspace days when so many women used to put thier profiles on private, lol you ugly anyway!
I have never tried online dating, I tend to think there must be something wrong with females seeking contact that way. Maybe I have an outdated mentality, best thing to do is to give it a try!
If we decide to meet it's possible she rejects me or I reject her, that's the thing with online dating you never know what you get.
I will say this - when I was in my 20's, I worked off and on at a gym on the upper east side. I got asked out all the time by the members and the personal trainers. I'm sure some of the members had a lot of money. If I had been the type of women that cared about that - I could easily have dated a rich guy just for the sake of dating a rich guy. Some of them were very attractive and very nice as well. Some of them were downright creepy. However, I wasn't single and had no desire to date anyone other than the person I was with. Yes, in New York you have people of all financial brackets all around you. But also because of that - you kind of become desensitized to that - unless that is all you care about. Datafeed - money and looks are very important to you. You have made that clear from your posts. So you were in New York for a little while and you probably only paid attention to the people that had lots of money or were models. Well - that's only a small percentage of the people in New York. New York may be a big city and it may have more than it's share of rich and attractive people (which is still not the majority) but it still has a lot of real people looking for real love - and finding it.
In my experience, Nice Guys (not guys who happen to be nice but Nice Guys) are closet misogynists. Examples from this thread:
Dude. Stop kidding yourself. If you were attractive--by definition you would have women attracted to you. By your own admission, you don't. It's not them. It's you.
Exactly!!! LOLOLOL!!
REAL attractive men don't have to do much, because women ALWAYS send hints that they're interested in some way. It's obvious these "nice guys" have no real game and/or are socially awkward. Most women can "sense" this and of course, you talk to the guy who is "comfortable" talking to women.
Fleeing to another state to find the fantasy "good woman" won't change anything. Unless they have exceptionally low self esteem or are chicks that need a green card, regular normal women won't want you either.
I have never tried online dating, I tend to think there must be something wrong with females seeking contact that way. Maybe I have an outdated mentality, best thing to do is to give it a try! If we decide to meet it's possible she rejects me or I reject her, that's the thing with online dating you never know what you get.
You both view each other's pics, make contact through email or private PMs, then eventually talk to each other over the phone. Most people can tell within the first 5 to 10 minutes of conversation if they'll click with someone or not. Eventually, when you both feel comfortable you'll meet in a public place for drinks and such (which YOU will pay for) to see if there really is a connection there.
Many people are doing it now. It's no longer taboo. Match.com is supposed to be good.
Awwww, you're a sweety. Classy dude. I respect that.
Thank you! I can verbally abuse a woman into oblivion. I have before with one girl and she never wnated to talk to me again, she wanted to go back to her ex babies daddy and he didnt even want her either. Sadly I didnt even use profanity with her during the argument. She had to go back to a hood Ni##A. Im a nice guy but also mean at times. Gotta keep a balance.
I'm not gonna lie. I could be 80 years old, but I will want a handsome older man. Why? Cause I've dealt with unattractive men that I wasn't physically attracted to and every time they touched me I was repulsed. I didn't care about how much money they had or how upwardly mobile they were. The only way I could get through sex with them is if I got drunk and if it wasn't drunk sex, then it was an "ordeal" I wanted to be over. It didn't even matter if they were good lovers. That only made it worse.
LOL what if this guy is a cute guy with a job making ten dollars an hour, what if he is not great at sex or even not going downtown, not a great communicator and just play xbox all day and yaddi yaddi yadda, but the most important thing is his looks, it sounds like you gonna be trading up alot guys in the future.
The person doesn't have to be drop dead, but he does have to physically appealing to MY eyes. Everything else such as personality, career, etc., can be dealt with later.
True beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there are alot of women in this city that are stuck with stupid cute who dropped out of school and nothing going for themselves, I hope women like that like paying all of the bills. True example of an Independent women of NYC!
It's unfortunate how women will advertise for something, but not LOOK the part or fix themselves up by either losing weight, wearing makeup (not a lot, but mostly all look great in photos), etc.
I was surprised of the women I met online it was like day and night they look totally different in person compared to photos.
LOL!! Have you seen FB pics nowadays??!! [/quote]
You wanna see my FB pics?
Last edited by Bronxguyanese; 12-04-2011 at 07:03 PM..
NYC is not one variable. As has been clearly noted it's an umbrella for dozens of variables.
I don't buy the millionaire dating the waitress story. It's a hypothetical anecdote thrown around on this forum quite a bit, but it's pretty worthless. The rich and beautiful in NY are dating the rich and beautiful in NY, just as they do around the globe.
It is irrelevant what you "buy" or believe. Many people believe incorrect things and disbelieve correct things. A fact is a fact. Use logic for a moment:
Think in terms of proximity and the demographics of certain career types that gravitate towards NYC.
Look at a trading floor and what do you see? What you will see is Alpha men, with quant degrees from very good schools and normally equally as good grad schools. These men are normally young and, quite frankly rich. There are very few women on the trading floor. So who do they date? Unnhuh...and remember, a guy is a guy, he will sleep with most anything not repulsive.
I for one believe that money is only a small part of the equation in determining peer group though.
In NYC it's not uncommon for a trader to make 100s of thousands of dollars a year. In my place of work, i routinely saw men dating women who worked in the service industry or women who were certainly on a lower rung of the soicio-economic ladder.
There is still no exact parity with men and women in the higher level workplace--many highly educated women drop out to raise a family or just don't climb the ladder as successfully as men do. So parity would not be a Goldman Sachs VP for another Goldman Sacs VP. But the dearth of women--see the post above-- combined with the libido of men results in men dating outside of their socio-economic group in NYC.
Second, to reiterate again: proximity or access. When people are put in close proximity to each other they interact, date, and mate. Mahattan is truly a cosmopolitan city. Millionairess, billionaires, and welfare reciepeints all rub shoulders on a daily basics.
Lol! Thanks for the advice! You're not really sure if I'm a jerk or not.
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You're not really sure if I'm a jerk or not.