Single Women of NYC: It's Not Them, It's You. (Asian, lover, family)

[rlrl]

to me the term "loser" is twofold

a man like me would immediately be tagged a "loser" simply by the fact that I can be perceived as boring or uninspired despite my long work history and independent living

but a more outgoing confident man with a great job with ambition would be tagged a "loser" AFTER a major flaw was discovered such as abusiveness

so until a woman has TRULY had enough of the second type of man, they will never see any virtue in my type

[WINDCHIMES]

Thin beautiful women who make good money want men who make more than them, or at least as much as they do...men want these kind of women requardless of their income, however unless they make good money as well, they may just bed down with them instead of marrying them...overall people who are rich, too thin, ante often conceded and materialistic in general...I think the best partners are probably decent working people of low to modest incomes who are not social climbers...money and power does corrupt...I rather have no part in that myself.

[wawaweewa]

Originally Posted by rlrl

are "losers" considered types like myself who maintain steady work, live independently but are not very ambitious and don't make much $$, may be considered "boring/ininspired"?

because if the dreaded NY City answer is "yes", why bother being married?

i mean i have heard the term "loser" hurled even at successful ambitious men but are abusive in some major way

so i assume if a man is successful, ambitious, earns a lot but NOT abusive then compared to myself I am a "loser"?

jeez, what a way to live, if this is how people live by evaluating you, why bother dating or marrying?

For a certain subset of NYC women the answer is yes. You are a loser. Not because they see you as a loser but because the perception of friends and other NYC women is that you're a loser.

Perception plays a large role in women finding a mate. Peer pressure is much stronger among women than it is among men when it comes to social life.


This isn't an NYC only thing but it's amplified here.

[wawaweewa]

Originally Posted by rlrl

to me the term "loser" is twofold

a man like me would immediately be tagged a "loser" simply by the fact that I can be perceived as boring or uninspired despite my long work history and independent living

but a more outgoing confident man with a great job with ambition would be tagged a "loser" AFTER a major flaw was discovered such as abusiveness

so until a woman has TRULY had enough of the second type of man, they will never see any virtue in my type

You can't place all women in NYC in a single group.

You just have to get good at identifying the one's who are chasing status and the one's who do not.

[wawaweewa]

Originally Posted by usamathman

I am a transplant from the south and I can honestly say I share some of the same concerns as you do.

I have no problem saying that NYC has some of the most beautiful and intelligent women I have ever met. If you are looking for a casual date each week, a friend with benefits, or someone to just hang out with than NYC IS DEFINITELY THE PLACE FOR YOU.

BUT, if you are looking for a Long Term Relationship and/or marriage you are **** out of luck here. Women here are extremely picky and if you are not a certain height, weight, drive a certain car, and/or make a certain income than you will have a hard time finding the attractive woman that you seek. Even then many don't really know what they want.

I find that many NYC women feel the man should do ALL of the pursuing and work in the relationship. They want to be chased and treated like queens, but most won't even bother to smile or even make eye contact on the streets. It's as if more women want to be , in their late 30's and 40's, and still dating.

From my personal experiences with dating and just meeting women here in the city, I can say that out of every 10 women I meet, 6 out of 10 are in or seeking a "friends with benefits" situation, 2 out of 10 are just getting out of a relationship and are still dealing with exes, and 2 out of 10 are "truly single" and may or may not be looking for a relationship.

I don't know about you but FWB is not the life for me. It is just frustrating to see so many good looking women who really could care less about finding love.

Maybe I am just old fashioned??? Just my humble opinion.

The truth is you transplants sort of ****ed it up. You put the vagina on a pedestal and it's evidenced in your post by "NYC has some of the most beautiful and intelligent women". No they're not. There's just more of them but they're not anymore beautiful of intelligent than in any other major city.

Native NYC'ers didn't start this trend. lol

[Northwindsforever]

Women want a man with economial security, a little tenderness and in many cases "a substitute father figure".

[nybbler]

You're going to med school. You're not going to have time for anything other than an occasional hookup/one night stand. When you get through, you'll be a doctor and therefore on the desirable list for at least some groups of women. Get a well-paying specialty and the group gets larger.

[usamathman]

Originally Posted by wawaweewa

The truth is you transplants sort of ****ed it up. You put the vagina on a pedestal and it's evidenced in your post by "NYC has some of the most beautiful and intelligent women". No they're not. There's just more of them but they're not anymore beautiful of intelligent than in any other major city.

Native NYC'ers didn't start this trend. lol

In my opinion there are more beautiful women here than anywhere I have ever been. Maybe I haven't traveled enough. LOL!!! Let me rephrase my comment. The variety of ethnicities is what amazed me when I got here. I grew up in a small town where the majority of people were white and black, with a few mexicans in the mix. When I come to NYC the first chick I met was Guyanese. I didn't know what to do with myself. I go to Inwood and see all of these fine Dominicans. Take the subway to Queens and all I see are chinese. Blew my mind. hahaha!!

In my opinion it is the "THIRSTY BROTHERS" that are causing women's ego's to inflate. A thirsty brother is a man who compliments a women for the sole purpose of getting sex and/or attention from her. He will tell her everything she wants to hear and will give her all the attention just because she is beautiful. She could treat him like crap and he will not care. This kind of man will chase a woman regardless of whether she is interested. He has no self esteem or confidence.

Wawaweewa.......I am not sure what the other transplants do.....but I will never join the ranks of the thirsty brothers. If I see someone that interests me I have no problem introducing myself. But I refuse to chase any woman around. Not going to happen!!

[marilyn220]

Originally Posted by qwy

I've read all the post on city data about dating in New York. I've read all the magazine as well as city data articles and books about how easy it is for men and hard it is for women to date in New York. How there are suppose to be so many women that most men do want to just be with one woman -though these articles never say if most of these surplus of women are attractive or not-.

But my question is for the women of New York regarding women in the 25-32 age range. Are women in that age group interested in long-term relationships? I'm from the midwest and the whole hookup, one night stand, and casual dating/friends with benefits isn't something I'm interested in. I'm about to graduate college and I'm looking to attend medical school in New York. While researching New York dating, I ran across this article Dear Single Women of NYC: It's Not Them, It's You. - Page 1 - News - New York - Village Voice

It's long so you don't have to read it. It's basically a woman giving another side to the reason a lot of women in New York are single. She is saying that because of all the options women have, they tend to not stay in relationships long, because they are always looking for someone better. I myself I'm handsome -at least I consider myself handsome, I do have a picture of myself on my city data profile-, I eat healthy, I workout, I'm funny, kind, sincere, and even though I'm not 6 feet tall, I'm still about average height 5'9.

But from reading this article I get the feeling that all this doesn't matter when compared to model handsome, playboy rich, 6 feet plus tall New York guys who are literally just around the corner.

I'm talking about attractive women not plain or average looking, over weight woman, straw stick too thin women.

Is this what you're looking for? Pretty?

If you are really as attractive as you say you are, then getting women shouldn't be a problem regardless of what the article says.

If you're confident, not a socially awkward mess, somewhat intelligent and REALLY attractive like you say are, then you'll do fine in NYC.

Also, are you limiting your preference to only white women? Are you willing to experience with other nationalities and races?

You sound angry. Why??

You should find your cornbread midwestern wife in the CITY that YOU came from if you find it hard to date in NYC, since you all share the same milk toast values.

[Bronxguyanese]

Originally Posted by whitlock

Women want a man with economial security, a little tenderness and in many cases "a substitute father figure".

So true Witlock, according to Frued women want men that are like or in some way shape or like her father.