Lack of sex in marriages..why? (boyfriend, girlfriends, long-term, child support)

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

I don't know about that. My parents had a very loving (and not in a brother/sister way) relationship up until my father passed away. They had been married for over 30 years. My husband's parents are still very affectionate with each other. They've been married for over 40 years.

Same with my parents. I think it can be comforting to people who don't have that kind of relationship to think it is a fact of the nature of marriage for it to fade. In this way it is inevitable and not a factor of THEIR relationship. Kinda easier to take.

[Dewdrop93]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

Same with my parents. I think it can be comforting to people who don't have that kind of relationship to think it is a fact of the nature of marriage for it to fade. In this way it is inevitable and not a factor of THEIR relationship. Kinda easier to take.

Well, I guess you and I differ in that I don't think there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way. I think some couples can be perfectly happy not being as physical with each other later in life. I don't think that every marriage is the same nor should they be the same. I just get sick of those who aren't even married saying things like, "After you get married, you never have sex again!" or, "Married couples end up more like friends or siblings!" You aren't married!!! You have no idea what happens in a marriage because you don't have one!!! Argh!!! I've been with my husband for 10 years - and I love him more today than ever. We are still very affectionate and we have sex way more than 2 or 3 times a month even though I have a 7 month old baby. I've seen many couples who have been married for a long time who are still affectionate with each other. I've also seen couples that aren't as affectionate - but like I said, I don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

If you are so afraid of marriage - then don't get married. But if you meet the right person - I think it would be pretty cowardly to not give it a shot.

[Ulysses61]

All the couples I know that made it past 15-20 years of marriage come off like they are brother and sister. They hardly hug, kiss, or show any signs of affection towards each other.

I was all over my BF (later my husband), in public when we were teenagers. That's what teenagers do and no one thinks anything about it. Now in my 40's I don't go in for PDA's for myself or anyone else. It doesn't mean there isn't plenty of action in private. When people mature, they generally aren't pawing each other in public. And those who do...never believe what you see. The most openly affectionate couples are oftentimes totally phony.

So never judge a marriage on whether the couple is kissing in front of you or half-screwing in a restaurant booth. Insecure people are generally the ones enagaging in ostentacious displays of PDA's.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by Ulysses61

The most openly affectionate couples are oftentimes totally phony.

There's that possibility. They are either phony or, why not, still in love and happy to be together. This applies to those who look like brother/sister. They may be happy or the years have made them tired of each other.

[temazepam]

Originally Posted by Yzette

This begs the question: Why are you with him?

For security until I find that elusive someone better. I won't burn my bridges until I've crossed them. But as I look around, I don't find too many that appealing. And I'm not up for being alone. And not up for someone who only wants to ****, but doesn't want to be there for me when it really matters.

[43north87west]

Lots of reasons. Apathy. Lack of energy. Headaches. Schedule. Lack of novelty. Cottage cheese thighs. Beer guts.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by temazepam

For security until I find that elusive someone better.

So you are using him, right?

I won't burn my bridges until I've crossed them. But as I look around, I don't find too many that appealing. And I'm not up for being alone. And not up for someone who only wants to ****, but doesn't want to be there for me when it really matters.

How is he in other areas of the relationship? Sure, he gives you security (may be a roof, food, shelter, etc.) but besides that security, is there anything else that makes you stay?

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

Well, I guess you and I differ in that I don't think there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way. I think some couples can be perfectly happy not being as physical with each other later in life.

I don't think there is a right way though I definitely think that there are some pretty wrong ways. Living miserably, as many do, and constantly complaining about the opposite sex, marriage or whatever, is at very least non-productive. When something assumes that that is how marriage should work, misery, lack of sex or whatever, what would motivate them to determine how to make it otherwise?

I don't think that every marriage is the same nor should they be the same. I just get sick of those who aren't even married saying things like, "After you get married, you never have sex again!" or, "Married couples end up more like friends or siblings!" You aren't married!!! You have no idea what happens in a marriage because you don't have one!!!

This. And the assumption that the problem is with MARRIAGE. Or Men. Or Women. No the problem is YOU AND YOUR PARTNER.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by temazepam

For security until I find that elusive someone better. I won't burn my bridges until I've crossed them. But as I look around, I don't find too many that appealing. And I'm not up for being alone. And not up for someone who only wants to ****, but doesn't want to be there for me when it really matters.

Sounds like a sad existance.
In your situation I wouldnt ask permission. I would go out and find some on the side. Might even bring him home and invite the bf to watch or join in. But Im not afraid of being alone and I can support myslef. Sounds like you have put yourself in the place of being an endentured servent.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by temazepam

For security until I find that elusive someone better. I won't burn my bridges until I've crossed them. But as I look around, I don't find too many that appealing. And I'm not up for being alone. And not up for someone who only wants to ****, but doesn't want to be there for me when it really matters.

You're a user. I would not want to have sex with you either.