Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel
You'd probably be surprised at the obviousness of the title if it weren't presented in the relationship forum. Yet, why shouldn't discriminating someone based on their race be classified as racism for dating?
The usual response is that having a relationship with someone requires innate attraction—attraction that may not form with members of a particular race. Therefore, people either consider that not racism or find it “justified”. But, I believe that's a ridiculous argument because the very act of not being able to find someone attractive just because of their race is defined as racism.
Another common response is that "people have their own preferences"... Well duh! That's exactly what racism is about. The fact that Whites didn't want to go to the same restaurants as Blacks due to their "preferences" didn't make their actions any less racist. Of course, now we all accept that as immoral and racist.
If you're going into a job interview and at the end, the interviewer says “Sorry, I can't just hire you because I don't work well with Whites (or add your own race)”, would you not sue him for racism? In this case, not being able to function with Whites is no defense for racism.
However, I'm not suggesting that we should date unattractive (even if that's just due to their race) people because it's perfectly legal to be racist during dating, and also attraction is quite essential for a relationship. My point is that we should all be honest and just admit that we're racist rather than trying to rationalize our behaviour in order to ignore the blatant racism.
I'll admit I'm a bit racist (I won't date one or two races) when it comes to dating. But, the first step to solving a problem is to admit its existence.
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I agree that often times are views of beauty are formed and instilled by our families and how we grow up.
It is very difficult for me to understand this type of thinking because I myself have never had reservations regarding dating outside my narrow scope of reality. I was raised hispanic however I was adopted and am Native american and irish.
I have dated different ethnic groups and have had no issues, I never stopped to think and thought, "Ooh I cant he is black, white, indian, asian and so forth, I dated people based on my preferences and personalities.
With this stated I recently spoke to a good friend of mine ( James) He is 6'3 buff and very attractive period! He happens to be a white guy.
He has resided in Ca. and Vegas his whole life.
He recently relocated to Broken Arrow OK to be nearer to family and a job opp.
He joined a dating website and he called me and stated; "WOW WHAT an effin culture shock!"
James stated this because he is much like me and has dated many different types of ethnic groups including white girls and he has always stated, "I am a sucker for a beautiful woman I don't carewhat she is"
He stated; "D, you do not know how close minded women are here, I have had messages stating how fine and hot I was and when I went to check their profiles?" "I have seen so many..I am NOT racist I just love me some white boys so if your are mature you will not get offended and if you are not white do not bother to send a message because I will not reply"
James stated that this particular woman sent him a message and although she was a beautiful white woman what she stated turned him off.
He stated he replied with, "Thanks for sending me a message based on my looks however I would like to tell you I date hispanic women, black women, indian women and I love em all..Question? How can you know you only like white boys if you have not tried anything else?" "I am sorry but I cannot deal with someone with such a small mind" lol!!!!
On a more personal level I was talking to a white man over a year ago.
He approached me online. He asked me what I looked for? I stated the general, nice guy had his ish together. He corrected himself and said "No I mean do you date white guys?" I laughed and said my dating someone was not reliant on what they were, he asked me if I dated black guys? I stated I had in the past he stated he did not believe in inter-racial relationships? I laughed again and stated "Yet you are talking to me?"
He stated "No, I do not mean you I mean I do not think black need to be with anyone else, they should stick with themselves"
I stated outright that he was racist he got offended and stated the following;
"I am not racist at all, I have two black guys I am friends with, I work with them and maybe on occasion have a beer with them" "I just sick to my stomach when I see them with white women" LMAO! Needless to say I hung up on him and blocked him.
HOPE these examples help
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