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You have no clue with what I went through in my childhood and c$&p I saw so of course it would not make sense to you.
Another poster suggested therapy (Was it for you or one of the other die hard bachelors?). Honestly, it sound like the crap you went through in the past is most definitely negatively affecting your present reality.
Some people deal with this in different ways. They go to church, meditate, do yoga or martial arts, go to therapy, do volunteer work, etc. But you really need find find a way to heal those emotional wounds are you are going to be one very sad and bitter puppy as the years go by (more so than you already are now).
I did a weekend seminar called Landmark Forum. It was not one of those warm and fuzzy personal growth seminars. It was tough. But it helped me with a lot of stuff in one short 3 day weekend (cheaper and faster than years of expensive therapy). It's worth the price tag.
Second, I could care less about cheaper insurance. I have USAA and full coverage on my car is less than $100 a month at age 23 soon to be 24, so I'm ahead of most of the field in that department. I'm not gonna get married just so save a few dollars.
Third, any extra wealth married folk have over singles will probably go right towards kids. Like I've said before, no way in h$&@ I am having kids. If I achieve a high salary, I'd love having no one but my d$&@ self to share it with.
Fourth, married men may live longer but a miserable marriage would make life just more miserable. I don't even want to risk it. If that means I don't liven extra 5 or 6 years so be it.
Your thinking is messed up on so many levels.
The insurance example is just one example of many examples of the economies of scale and perks of marriage. In another post, I mentioned health insurance coverage. (i.e....you are more likely to have it continuously or have better coverage if you are married). There are other examples as well. As usual, you're being deliberately obtuse with that "I'm not getting married just to save a few dollars" comment.
The married folk/wealth comment is also off the mark. Wealth is what's left over. It doesn't necessarily have to go to kids...and it's certainly possible to marry someone who doesn't want kids.
The live longer comment....off the mark again. It's usually the happier people who live longer. Here's yet another book recommendation for you on people who live the longest and the lifestyles they life:
The Blue Zones by Dan Buettner
It turns out the cultures with the longest lived people also tend to be happy cultures. They tend to be religious, live healthy lifestyles (i.e. moderate/low alcohol consumption, no recreational drugs, plant based diets, & get regular exercise), tend to have community orientation, and hold traditional values such as marriage. Hmmmmm....do you see a pattern here?????
interesting analysis, but I'm not so sure the alpha-beta male analogy applies. alpha male theory suggest that, as the master of his own destiny, he always has the option of being involved with a desirable woman or chart his own waters on his own. Think James Bond, Tom Cruise, George Clooney.
Eh, James Bond is a fictional character! The odds of most men being the other two are so small they're not even worth considering. It's like assuming you're going to win $1,000,000 in the lottery.
Um, right. There are no guarantees with the lifestyle you want to live, either.
How are there no guarentees for the lifestyle he wants to live? If a guy has a strong desire to run through a bunch of chicks, he'll probably manage to do that one way or another. On the other hand, marriage is a crapshoot because the person you choose today might not be want you want 5-10-15-20+ years from now. That's my main problem with marriage. You lock in today assuming you'll want the same thing a decade from now; it's sort of ridiculous if you think about it.
My fun is going out, drinking, not coming home until 4am, deciding on the fly to drive somewhere for no reason other than adventure, total flexibility on a schedule which is no schedule, just playing video games or watching movies all day, traveling on the road. Can't do any of that with a family in my view.
Most people find this stuff gets old faster than they think and that it isn't as fulfilling as they imagined it would be. The ones who are still going out drinking until 4AM may find they have to start going to Alcoholics Anonymous (or face even worse consequences if they don't).
Most people find this stuff gets old faster than they think and that it isn't as fulfilling as they imagined it would be. The ones who are still going out drinking until 4AM may find they have to start going to Alcoholics Anonymous (or face even worse consequences if they don't).
None of that stuff gets old when it's mixed in with dating various women, hanging out with friends/family, hitting the gym daily, work during the weekday, etc.
I don't get some of the responses in this thread. I agree that Dissenter has issues, but at least he realizes that having a family is not for him. Much better than people who make someone else suffer due to their own lack of self-awareness.
A valid point. But the question was asked. Also, there is a danger to this lifestyle. As another poster said, baby mama drama happens, especially if you're out drinking...you might be too drunk to worry about using a condom.
Look if I ain't out there making babies or misleading girls into thinking I want a marriage or stuff, what is so bad about partying it up and living for me in my 20s?
It's empty and doesn't make people happy. And if you're out there drinking a lot, it's much easier to make a baby by accident, which is the opposite of what you intend.
Extending adolescence into the late 20s & 30s is a problem because it means we have a country with a bunch of adults who act like children. And then we wonder why our economy is in the toilet and our standard of living is slipping?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I didn't get the full college party experience as a commuter student who worked a lot
.
You didn't miss that much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Now is my chance to have that experience without family responsibilities getting in the way. I'm not hurting anyone else with it? Again what's the matter?
Actually, the party lifestyle is unhealthy for you and for others. Mature people understand that everything they do (or don't do) has an effect on someone else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Thank you! I'm aware my thinking is out there but I'm at least decent enough to not want to ruin someone else's life because I'm expected to get married and have a family.
Yes, for this we are grateful. But the path you're on and your general outlook on life isn't very healthy.
If I'm in a solid position that pays my bills and allows me to save and travel a bit. Not every one of us considers success being in the high level positions, high salary, or driving BMWs a preresquite for success. If I'm happy and can grow overall as a person regardless of occupation, that TO ME is success.
I had a similar mindset in my 20s (minus the video games and drinking until 4AM). It's not inherently bad, but I will tell you that just having a roof over your head and being able to pay your bills and traveling, while all good, will not be enough to keep you happy in the long run. It rings hollow after a while if that's all you have. I know you don't believe that right now, but just file that away in the back of your mind for future reference when they hollow feeling starts coming. It hit me when I was 28. It was kind of like an itch I couldn't scratch. I didn't really fully understand what was going on until I was 35...and it took me another 4 years after that to finally understand what it really takes to be happy and really apply it to my life. If I had been more focused in my 20s, I would have figured out all of this a lot sooner, spared myself a lot of pain, and wated a lot less time.
That was the other thing that caused me a lot of pain when I hit 35....I realized how much time I'd wasted being directionless in my career and in my relationships.
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