Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP: If you are going to give this another try, I strongly suggest getting over to affaircare.com. Counseling, him giving you the verbal nonsense that says he gets it only to continue until he gets caught again aint gonna cut it. Many religious counselors have lots of experience in their faith, but not so much in the nuts and bolts of helping a couple fix a really broken problem. So that counselor as well as affaircare may be good. He really has to get withteh whole IN or OUT of the marriage thing. Taking sex from you like a user and flouncing around with the other **** is just bull. He does not get it because he has never really HAD to get it. Excuses, lying and apologizing, rinse, repeat until he gets caught again.
If you are going to give him anothe chance, make sure it is the last. The last. And if he pulls this crap again, LEAVE.
Is it true that he hasn't actually gotten physical with anyone else, but is only seeking some erotic stimulation? If so, what is your attitude towards sex and sexual variety, OP? Is he getting from you what he needs in this aspect of your relationship? Has he ever neglected you or treated you or your kids badly? Or, is he just trying to fulfill an unmet need? If it's just the latter, then perhaps you can adjust your attitude. Or perhaps your values are just too different and you don't want to try?
wow, things change fast when you get input from many thoughtful, reasonable people such as you all! Last night I was certain I would be a divorced, single woman withhin 90 days!!
Today, I woke up and prayed and I felt it pressed upon my heart....."go to counseling once a month for the rest of your lives."
So that is what I am going to do....we are going to commit to going to counseling several sessions right now and then once a month after that for the rest of life togegther, if that is what it takes. I haven't checked with my husband to see if he will be okay with such a long term plan (he's working of course)....but I already know in my heart that he will agree to it.
I really think now we'll get over this!
Every single person who responded here.....thank you, thank you, thank you! I never expected so many really well thought out responses. Thank you for caring enough about me, "anonymous sara" to take many minutes and possibly even hours of your time to respond to me. Even those who responded saying I definitely need to divorce him....I thank you for taking your time to respond because you gave me opportunity to really look at "all different sides" of my situation.
Now you know why women were chosen to be mothers. We really ARE the stronger sex. Have to be.
In which way is that related to this case?
...
I think you should give him another chance but just once. You still don't have a clear proof he's cheating. He was receptive to your suggestion of counselling, that isn't very common.
my opinion is that he isn't doing anything that 50,000 million other men aren't doing and that basically there is nothing wrong with it.
Men are very much different that we are regarding sex. That's just them. No harm, no foul. If he goes to work every day and pays the bills and treats you well, why on earth should you care about what his outside interests are so long as he is not having a "real" affair with someone?
It sounds like he loves you but that he has other needs. Let him be, for god's sake. He's not hurting anybody.
Once the respect is gone the partnership and intimacy of marriage is over.
You have some hard choices to make.
You say you are not "unhappy", but you are not very happy either.
Don't think for a second your kids aren't watching and learning from all you do and put up with.
Seeing a counselor is a great first step for helping you identify and process all your feelings. In the end though, you must follow your gut instincts on this.
Best of luck.
Wanted to add...seeing a therapist is also crucial for knowing that you have done all you can to save the marriage. This allows you to keep your integrity intact.
If our OP does decide to end it, she will sleep better at night knowing she did everything SHE could do to make things work, even if in the end they didn't.
wow, things change fast when you get input from many thoughtful, reasonable people such as you all! Last night I was certain I would be a divorced, single woman withhin 90 days!!
Today, I woke up and prayed and I felt it pressed upon my heart....."go to counseling once a month for the rest of your lives."
So that is what I am going to do....we are going to commit to going to counseling several sessions right now and then once a month after that for the rest of life togegther, if that is what it takes. I haven't checked with my husband to see if he will be okay with such a long term plan (he's working of course)....but I already know in my heart that he will agree to it.
I really think now we'll get over this!
Every single person who responded here.....thank you, thank you, thank you! I never expected so many really well thought out responses. Thank you for caring enough about me, "anonymous sara" to take many minutes and possibly even hours of your time to respond to me. Even those who responded saying I definitely need to divorce him....I thank you for taking your time to respond because you gave me opportunity to really look at "all different sides" of my situation.
It HAS made a difference. Thank you!
Just saw this after I made my last post...
Sara, good luck on your journey.
While I do not believe it is necessarily a good thing to PLAN to be in therapy for the rest of you life, (), I will just take you to mean that you are willing to go as long as it takes, lol.
Here's the thing...
You have lost your respect for your husband.
Unless and until you can find it again, and he can earn it again, you really will not advance in your marriage.
I do hope you will find it, since saving your marriage is what you truly want.
But without it you are only fooling yourself if you stay. Just please keep that in mind.
Now you know why women were chosen to be mothers. We really ARE the stronger sex. Have to be.
What I mean by that is that women are most often the stalwart of the family, and family is the basis of society. We have to deal with whatever comes our way and hopefully be a good example.
The problem is when it becomes an addiction, which is not going on in this case.
The definition of addiction is when he can't function without it..this guys going to work, and saving looking at it for when he's alone...that's not an addiction....
If you read her post, you'll realize he's not edging to more extreme forms of sex either..which happens with addiction.
Porn is HEALTHY!!?? Clearly, I have an entirely different view on what IS and what is NOT healthy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
), I will just take you to mean that you are willing to go as long as it takes, lol.
