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I think there is a culture clash here. This is NOT a big deal for a lot of Asians. I know of a ton of Asians who live at home and let me tell you these people are not dependent, deadbeat, immature, or undeveloped in any way.
In fact more than the parents supporting them in some cases they are the ones supporting their parents. For a lot of Asians the view is, this is your household, you live with them, that's how it's supposed to be. When the guy gets married the wife comes to his house and lives with his parents and sister and it's no big deal. Granted that's the extreme, but it's very possible to have this arrangement and the people are perfectly OK with it.
There are huge advantages to this for (1) it saves massive money, most people spend their life savings for 10 years to buy a house & mortgage, especially where I live since its so expensive, by living with your family you can save like $500k (2) its good for the environment, you cut your carbon footprint massively with joint energy consumptions, land use, etc. (3) if you have kids you don't need a babysitter if the grandparents will take care of it. The wife doesn't have to quit her job and stay at home or husband as the case may be. The cost of child care these days is astronomical (4) older people are happier when they're not shut away in a nursing home, (5) if older people are sick you can help take care of them.
I'm not saying it's better, because we all have our preferences. I live independently from my parents myself, and I'm happy to do so. But the way some people look down on it is just crazy.
More ignorant American babbling from a child with so much to learn. If you have a strong Southern or Eastern European cultural background, or if you are from a farm family it is normal to live with your parents until marriage.
I know several people who were able to save McMansion-style money ... as in bought the McMansion for cash by doing so.
My cousin, her husband and her kids have been living with the inlaws since they got married in 1988. They bought a bunch of rental property and have cash flow coming out of their ears every month. But what do they know? They should have just listened to the sexual anarchists and divorced by now I guess.
Not to pick on you too much, you just happen to be convenient at the moment. There are just a bunch of these ignorant rules of thumb permeating society and most people don't know what the hell they are talking about. If you were smart, you would be looking for the guy living at home who is saving/investing all his money instead of looking for another member of the proletariat who follows everybody else like a lemming and is going to be stuck with lease payments the rest of his life.
Well, I see you are sticking with the moral superiority ranting - read the OP's post and offer up some meaningful thoughts for her if possible. You do understand she cannot find a job, has no interest in higher education, can't even pass the CA drivers license written exam and takes a shower once a week. Very doubtful she can balance a checkbook and doesn't have a clue on how much work it is to have a successful marriage
Given all that, and acknowledging your alledged superiority on the subject, provide the OP with some constructive thoughts on her plight.
Well, I see you are sticking with the moral superiority ranting - read the OP's post and offer up some meaningful thoughts for her if possible. You do understand she cannot find a job, has no interest in higher education, can't even pass the CA drivers license written exam and takes a shower once a week. Very doubtful she can balance a checkbook and doesn't have a clue on how much work it is to have a successful marriage
Given all that, and acknowledging your alledged superiority on the subject, provide the OP with some constructive thoughts on her plight.
Why are you picking on me instead of the poster I was responding to? I know why. Because my comments are politically incorrect and they hit too close to home.
I don't see anything wrong with living at home WHILE YOU ARE WORKING toward a financial goal (be it a home, or getting debt-free, etc).
What troubles me is that the OP seems to be in free fall and has no real plans for the future aside from finding a man to support her. I do not know her personally, but this could stem from very deep-seated self-esteem issues (I don't feel like I am worthy to be a "grown-up) or it could be just plain, old laziness. Which ever the issue, I feel badly for her because she will never know the joy or pride of accomplishment.
I believe that it would be very valuable for the OP to simply talk with a counselor to see if there might be some issues (some that she might not be aware of) that is keeping her from realizing her full potential. It would be so sad if she wasted her life living in her mother's basement when, with a little counseling and insight, she might have accomplished great things for herself and her future mate. It is always sad to see a life wasted.
Some people might think that living this way is not "wasting your life", and that is fine too, as long as it is your conscious decision and not a result of fear of the unknown. I do not judge people for wanting to live a low-key life, mine is pretty low key in the grand scheme of things, but I do fault them for not living their life at all.
I don't see anything wrong with living at home WHILE YOU ARE WORKING toward a financial goal (be it a home, or getting debt-free, etc).
What troubles me is that the OP seems to be in free fall and has no real plans for the future aside from finding a man to support her. I do not know her personally, but this could stem from very deep-seated self-esteem issues (I don't feel like I am worthy to be a "grown-up) or it could be just plain, old laziness. Which ever the issue, I feel badly for her because she will never know the joy or pride of accomplishment.
I believe that it would be very valuable for the OP to simply talk with a counselor to see if there might be some issues (some that she might not be aware of) that is keeping her from realizing her full potential. It would be so sad if she wasted her life living in her mother's basement when, with a little counseling and insight, she might have accomplished great things for herself and her future mate. It is always sad to see a life wasted.
Some people might think that living this way is not "wasting your life", and that is fine too, as long as it is your conscious decision and not a result of fear of the unknown. I do not judge people for wanting to live a low-key life, mine is pretty low key in the grand scheme of things, but I do fault them for not living their life at all.
20yrsinBranson
Spot on post, in another thread the OP started she talks about applying for SSDI so she has two options, either find a guy to take care of her or a guy named Uncle Sam.
You are 25 years old. Still young. While you are at home start getting direction. Work, Save money, gain skills so that you may become independent for the future. Put in lots of effort to grow so you may make progress. Don't waste the time, This is an opportunity. Wasted time cannot be regained.
Why are you picking on me instead of the poster I was responding to? I know why. Because my comments are politically incorrect and they hit too close to home.
LOL! Picking on you - oh, da poor baybee! I didn't say your comments were politically incorrect anywhere; what I did was challenge you to repond to the OP. Pretty simple stuff - I am curious, what ethnic group (and what country?) do you belong to? Maybe we can learn something.....
Last edited by Social Democrat; 01-28-2013 at 04:36 PM..
Reason: added text
I'm 25 years old never have lived on my own and I know most 20 something's do live on their own if not their own apartment they have their own house by themselves. If not some who live with friends or a roomate all paying for rent.
I had told my best friend how I wanted my own apartment and my friend tells me "Why would you want your own place if you have it good at home? You have everything you could need for free - if you live out there you gota pay for everything".
I am an only child still living at home with both my parents. But come on at my age my mom had her own place, license, car, and job. I'm 25 and no job except my free magazine writing's, no license or car, and no place of my own.
I also know guys when it comes to dating expect a girl who has everything in order like these things. I got nothing going for me how will a guy like me if I got nothing to offer them? Yea I'm very loving and caring and stuff but ya know what I mean.
What to do?
OMG. You are an adult. A grown-up. You are not a child, even though your posts don't depict you as terribly mature. So it is high time you did the following:
1) Get a real job. Write your magazine articles at night and on the weekends.
2) Get a drivers license. The car is your freedom machine.
3) Get a car. As in now.
4) Get an apartment.
If you live with your parents, you do save a lot of money. But you pay for it every day, for you have given away your freedom for security and you want to blame others, your friend included for your own choices.
Get the lead out. Start looking in the want ads or Monster.com immediately. Your life is waiting on you.
LOL! Picking on you - oh, da poor baybee! I didn't say your comments were politically incorrect anywhere; what I did was challenge you to repond to the OP. Pretty simple stuff - I am curious, what ethnic group (and what country?) do you belong to? Maybe we can learn something.....
All I'm going to say is Southern European and Catholic. Eastern Europeans are going to be very similar. Poles are known as devout Catholics. The divorce statistics tell the whole story, IMO.
The post you should have been addressing was this one .....
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
Anyone who is 30 and lives at home with no job is pretty pathetic regardless of gender. If they had work experience and were actively seeking a new job then maybe...but the OP has never worked. She can't even drive so she can't run errands for her parents or even pick up groceries.
All I'm going to say is Southern European and Catholic. Eastern Europeans are going to be very similar. Poles are known as devout Catholics. The divorce statistics tell the whole story, IMO.
The post you should have been addressing was this one .....
This isn't Europe. And I bet even children who live at home in other countries have jobs, or they take care of elderly parents. They contribute in some way.
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