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Yes, there are women who "look past" height and looks in a companion. Some can look past you being shy, and even a virgin. Yes, they tend to be less physically attractive. However, here is the BIG problem:
You want to have sex, right? You seem like the guy who wants a steady relationship, WITH STEADY SEX. You probably don't mind a below-average looking woman, if you're compatible...and you're at least eventually going to get laid. Here is where the problem comes in.
Most women who can look past a guy being a short 30 something virgin, don't like/want/care about sex much themselves. They might want companionship, maybe some romance, someone to have a family and travel the world with, but they DON'T REALLY WANT TO F*** HIM. Sure, they will at first, during the early-relationship "can't keep your hands off each other" phase, but after a while, you'll be right back on here saying you love your wife/girlfriend, but are tired of her never wanting to have sex, and when she does, she just lies there like a dead fish as if she's doing YOU a favor.
Because if she did really like sex, she'd go for a guy she knew would satisfy her sexual needs. The woman I've described above either doesn't like sex at all, or doesn't like it enough for it to be an important thing in her life.
I'm not trying to sound doom and gloom, but I've been struggling with an attractive but sexually frigid wife for a while. We've been working on it, and to her credit, she's been very enthusiastic lately about doing so...but at the same time, when I get a little "down" or negative, I come up with realizations such as the one above.
If you look at the studies done on virginity, you see that after 21 the virginity rates flat line, with no real change.
I won't say that if you're a 31 year old virgin you're doomed, because that's an awfully bold prediction that would have to stand true for a few decades and even a blind nut finds a squirrel every once in a while. But, the odds are not very good
If you look at the studies done on virginity, you see that after 21 the virginity rates flat line, with no real change.
I won't say that if you're a 31 year old virgin you're doomed, because that's an awfully bold prediction that would have to stand true for a few decades and even a blind nut finds a squirrel every once in a while. But, the odds are not very good
I'm not as bothered about that as I was. Not trying to make excuses but look at my past: bullied through School, at University I pretty much just stuck to my studies, when I graduated my Dad died and I was in a bad place for about 3 years. I've never had a girl friend so it kind of makes sense. Granted - I don't have any excuses for the last 3 years, maybe shyness brought in from historic lack of success but there was nothing major stopping me. Even if I did have sex historically but still never had a girl friend I don't know how much better off I would be - it wouldn't have been more than a few casuals or ONS so I'd still be pretty sexually inexperienced.
The main thing I'm looking at just now is my outlook on things and perception of myself as I stated a few posts up.
I know, I'm sorry. I get frustrated sometimes. My wife is actually really working on her issue and me on mine.
However, I do think women tend to fall one way or another, and it might be partly due to the expectations of society. Society tells us simultaneously that sex is always amazing and taboo. That women should always orgasm easily, but can't enjoy sex. They should be sluts, but virgins.
Not sure if some of the people on here really believe the advice they are giving or if they're just mean-spirited people trying to mess with you.
Have you thought about maybe trying a more carefree approach? It seems like you overthink things and your biggest enemy is your fear of rejection or saying the wrong thing? Why not just go ahead and start telling the females you're interested in what's really on your mind? Also, try looking at dating as a numbers game. Go out and socialize with a lot of different women. Eventually you will find one you vibe well with. Just be sure that you are pretty transparent about your intentions. Otherwise you'll get stuck in the dreaded "friend zone" that every man fears.
Now don't start trying to be a player. Just start trying to show the real you to women more often. I used to have social anxiety, myself. I know how hard it can be. But you can't let that dictate your life. Get out there and socialize!!!!
Not sure if some of the people on here really believe the advice they are giving or if they're just mean-spirited people trying to mess with you.
Have you thought about maybe trying a more carefree approach? It seems like you overthink things and your biggest enemy is your fear of rejection or saying the wrong thing? Why not just go ahead and start telling the females you're interested in what's really on your mind? Also, try looking at dating as a numbers game. Go out and socialize with a lot of different women. Eventually you will find one you vibe well with. Just be sure that you are pretty transparent about your intentions. Otherwise you'll get stuck in the dreaded "friend zone" that every man fears.
Now don't start trying to be a player. Just start trying to show the real you to women more often. I used to have social anxiety, myself. I know how hard it can be. But you can't let that dictate your life. Get out there and socialize!!!!
Yes. Not crazily, but I do get nervous & anxious and this comes across in how I act. I've thought about being a bit more forward, the problem is thats not easy. I've tried this before and it comes acriss a bit weird. Because I'm still a bit nervous, its like a bit of a calibration glitch whereby I come off as being a bit weird or sleazy. That'w what I'd rather do - the direct approach, not ***** foot around.
I definitly overthink tings, as i said its all stuff in my head, something I need to find a good way of working through.
Yes. Not crazily, but I do get nervous & anxious and this comes across in how I act. I've thought about being a bit more forward, the problem is thats not easy. I've tried this before and it comes acriss a bit weird. Because I'm still a bit nervous, its like a bit of a calibration glitch whereby I come off as being a bit weird or sleazy. That'w what I'd rather do - the direct approach, not ***** foot around.
I definitly overthink tings, as i said its all stuff in my head, something I need to find a good way of working through.
Definitely try not to come off as weird or sleazy. Just try to come off as a nice, genial if somewhat generic guy. But if you find you have a hard time doing that, it's okay. Just keep socializing constantly! If you do it as a numbers game, eventually a woman will say yes no matter how sleazy or weird you come off as. Once that happens, your confidence will skyrocket. Then you'll find yourself more at ease and natural with women. It also wouldn't hurt to just go out, be quiet and listen to what people are talking about. Get an idea of what people's conversations are sounding like.
Definitely try not to come off as weird or sleazy. Just try to come off as a nice, genial if somewhat generic guy. But if you find you have a hard time doing that, it's okay. Just keep socializing constantly! If you do it as a numbers game, eventually a woman will say yes no matter how sleazy or weird you come off as. Once that happens, your confidence will skyrocket. Then you'll find yourself more at ease and natural with women. It also wouldn't hurt to just go out, be quiet and listen to what people are talking about. Get an idea of what people's conversations are sounding like.
I do socialise a lot, socialising is fine! Its when it comes to women I'm interested in, I either socialise with them in the same way i do everyone else and come across as a friend, or try and project an interest and come across as a bit weird. Deffo a calibration gap.
I do socialise a lot, socialising is fine! Its when it comes to women I'm interested in, I either socialise with them in the same way i do everyone else and come across as a friend, or try and project an interest and come across as a bit weird. Deffo a calibration gap.
Then approach them as a friend. You don't have to do any kind of fancy, slick flirting to let a woman know you're interested. Just tell her plain with words that you are attracted to her.
Most women who can look past a guy being a short 30 something virgin, don't like/want/care about sex much themselves. They might want companionship, maybe some romance, someone to have a family and travel the world with, but they DON'T REALLY WANT TO F*** HIM. Sure, they will at first, during the early-relationship "can't keep your hands off each other" phase, but after a while, you'll be right back on here saying you love your wife/girlfriend, but are tired of her never wanting to have sex, and when she does, she just lies there like a dead fish as if she's doing YOU a favor.
Because if she did really like sex, she'd go for a guy she knew would satisfy her sexual needs. The woman I've described above either doesn't like sex at all, or doesn't like it enough for it to be an important thing in her life.
I agree with you although I'm sure there are some instances where this isn't true.
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