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Good point. None of them has been American. I've come across them in my travels, or they've been visiting faculty at the university where I studied.
And that's the whole point. Though heightism is also prevalent in other parts of the world, it is really magnified here in America. A short dude rarely stands a chance dating in the US.
First off at 5'4 most women will find that height to be unattractive. You said you are below average so yes that is ugly. Personality/confidence is NOT the most important thing (Women say that to make them seem less shallow).
What you need is Status, friends as social proof , social skills, a nice hair cut and dress style. With that said, unless you are of VERY high status YOU WILL NOT get a hot girl even if you update your life. If you are a 4 in life, upgrading your life will just turn you into a 5 meaning you can only get girls that are between 3-5 in looks. Now if you were a short celeb it can turn you from a 4 to an 7-8 simply because you have crazy status women love.
I had to rep you. So far your post is one of the best I have read socfar on this thread and I agree with you. 5 foot 4 inches is too short for most women and even short for women who also fall in the short height category. For most women between the ages of 18 to a lesser extent at the age of 35 who is a careerist, a mans physique, status and paper trail is what counts. If your not an handsome guy you better have a great job or an amazing career to pick up that tab or if not good looks or a 6 figure job, maybe an amazing extrovert/outgoing personality can help as well as to push up your status. Some woman dont even mind dating or seeing a guy who is broke but is handsome or even having his baby. Handsome guy that is tall equals good gens. It all boils down to biology and economics when attracting women these days wheter if she is hot and stuck up, average and entitled, below average with poor self esteem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Judging by the posts we get on this forum, it's not as uncommon as you'd think.
I also think you're setting yourself up for feeling miserable by convincing yourself that everyone but you is out having scads of hookups, gf's, etc. There are guys out there who are players, but they're in the minority. Average guys aren't picking up women right and left. And then there's the below average guys, who are in a similar boat to you. Lots of men and women struggle with this. Instead of playing a tape in your head about how everyone but you is scoring (they're not), focus on what you can do for you.
I think I repped you. You spoke the truth again.
Also to the op. I know two Asian guys who are also struggling. It does kind of suck that most Asian American women prefer white men. Me personally I don't think you should give up. Its really a numbers game so keep on trying.
You need to travel to Malaysia, homie. If the figures on this chart are accurate. The men in Malaysia are on average 5'4" and the women 5'. What this means, because averages are the balancing point in a weight of numbers, is that a lot of men in Malaysia are shorter than 5'4" and a lot are taller than 5'4".
As the title suggests. 31, never had a girl friend, still a virgin.
My height (5"4) and looks probably go against me but I wouldn't say I'm completely ugly - say below average. If personality/confidence is the most important trait its maybe fair to say I'm lacking in self confidence/self-esteem but I'm not a nervous bumbling idiot. Everyone who knows me says I'm not shy and fairly outgoing. It's difficult to be super confident when you have a past with no success. I signed up for online dating yesterday - got friends to vet my profile etc.......messaged 9 women so far, 7 haven't replied.....26 have viewed my profile......nothing.
I definitly can't do anything about my height, nor much about my looks if thats the problem so I've always figured its my confidence and personality I need to work on. I'm even seeing a therapist who practises CBT to try and change any negative thinking or limiting beliefs I have. I've read up on trying to be playful/funny/cheeky/flirting etc as well.
By my counting I've asked out/fancied 38 women in my life time......they've all said no. I've only ever successfully initiated a kiss with 3 women ever, the other times its always been the women.
Millions of men meet up/hook up with women every single day - I have a friend whos slept with over 40 women, another whos had about 12 girl friends...but me, 31 and nothing? Why am I so different? I really don't believe I'm that un-desirable.....but I'm beginning to wonder. There are some tings in life people will never do - be a professional sports player, get that job they wanted, have kids......is it also true to say that plenty of people will just live live forever single? Do a google search and you'll find plenty of stuff on men in their 50's & 60's totally single.
Its crazy how uncommon this is to the point its almost laughable. Should I just give up & accept it? Anyone got any ideas or experience with/met anyone similar who's turned this around?
You need to travel to Malaysia, homie. If the figures on this chart are accurate. The men in Malaysia are on average 5'4" and the women 5'. What this means, because averages are the balancing point in a weight of numbers, is that a lot of men in Malaysia are shorter than 5'4" and a lot are taller than 5'4".
I feel you. The US isn't a good home to a short man.
It's difficult. I'm short by typical U.S. adult male height but I'm not a "midget," so to speak, so, it's not that rough on me because few U.S. women are taller than me. Quite a number of them are shorter than I am.
So, I don't really have a problems in the height department. But I can see how a much shorter dude than myself could.
The U.S. is not the only nation on earth though. No reason one should limit themselves to it. Be a figurative Christopher Columbus and explore new lands and new peoples. Love can come through adventure. Frodo's homeboy Sam got some "p____" anyways. The ring, house, wife and kids with it. Of course, he came back to the Shire and hit on the woman behind the bar counter and not the woman sitting in some corporate office in a skyscraper making 6 figures with an attitude like Queen Elizabeth.
Contrary to belief.....I suppose its difficult to tell from this post, but this lack of success or currently being single doesn't even really bother me THAT much. At School I was buillied the whole way through, at University all i cared about was studying & I had to work a lot of hours at my part time job. Shortly after that my father passed away & I was a bit of a mess for about 3 years. Not making excuses, but overall looking back from the age of 12-18 through School being bulled, 18-25 studying/working and then 25-28 having personal problems I doubt I'd ever have had time or been capable of having a girl friend. It's only really been the last 3 years where I don't have any excuses, and really this year where I've began to think about it.
I believe this is a good explanation of what is going on here. Why? Because I can relate in that I have walked a somewhat similar path as yours.
During my informative late teens to early twenties years, when most people are developing their social skills, I went through quite a few 'trials and tribulations' that were Job-like in capacity that were 'far beyond my ability to endure'. Needless to say, I regressed in terms of my social development as opposed to growing into this area. My college years were so stressful that I spent a good percentage of my time in my dorm room, by myself and not socializing, making new friends and meeting people as I should. Despite not being all that attractive of a guy, several young women did show interest in me, but I did not have the social acumen to respond even if I wanted. And heaven forbid If I took the initiative with a women...
In looking back (I am approaching 50 at the time I write this) I spent my twenties and better part of my thirties (prime dating years for most people) suffering from deeply rooted post traumatic stress disorder and social anxiety and social avoidance disorder. Dating and meeting people simply was not on the agenda. Surviving in life, on the other hand, was.
Too say that I was a 'late bloomer" would be an understatement in that I did not begin to develop the needed social skills and awareness, assertiveness and self confidence until well into my 40's. By that time I considered it too late to start dating. In other words, I 'missed the boat' as far as the girlfriend, dating and relationship things goes.
So in putting myself in your shoes it is nothing to be ashamed of. But in moving forward I would encourage putting your best foot forward, networking and making new friends and surrounding yourself with the right people to be your focus.
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