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I haven't read the entire thread but I wanted to comment.
I know several men who didn't find the "love of their lives" until they were 50 years old.
In each case they got married and told others that these were "the happiest years of their lives".
Everyone just assumed (including themselves) that they would be bachelors until they died but they proved everyone wrong.
So, whether you are 30, 45 or 65 there is still time left to find love.
PS At least one of the men probably was a virgin when he got married at age 50. I know that he had never really dated very much until he met the woman that he married.
Good luck to you.
It took my SO until 38 to find the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He was very up-front with me, the second time we met, wanting me to know that he just hadn't found the right woman that he wanted to make that level of commitment to.
The difference with him was that he was happy with himself, he had enough going on in his professional and personal life to fulfill him. He wanted a woman to share his life with, but didn't need one, was not desperately searching, nor resigning himself to a life he didn't want, simply because of his age.
If you want to give up then give up otherwise don't but continueing to post all your female woes on a public forum is not going to fix them. Seeking a qualified therapist is probably going to be the best way for you to get through this self destruction path you have been walking.
LOL - to the other poster, at the time I was registering on here a Bruno Mars song was on the radio, I couldn't think of a user name so I just picked that. I'm not fillipino!
CSD610 - what do you mean by "continuing" to post my woes, and self destruction path?
I started this a while back to look for advice, even someone to talk to about it even if it is people on an internet forum I've never met, I didn't have a clue what to do or think - its not exactly something I'd ask my friends or parents advise with. And I have been slowly taking steps to fix this.
As the title suggests. 31, never had a girl friend, still a virgin.
My height (5"4) and looks probably go against me but I wouldn't say I'm completely ugly - say below average. If personality/confidence is the most important trait its maybe fair to say I'm lacking in self confidence/self-esteem but I'm not a nervous bumbling idiot. Everyone who knows me says I'm not shy and fairly outgoing. It's difficult to be super confident when you have a past with no success. I signed up for online dating yesterday - got friends to vet my profile etc.......messaged 9 women so far, 7 haven't replied.....26 have viewed my profile......nothing.
I definitly can't do anything about my height, nor much about my looks if thats the problem so I've always figured its my confidence and personality I need to work on. I'm even seeing a therapist who practises CBT to try and change any negative thinking or limiting beliefs I have. I've read up on trying to be playful/funny/cheeky/flirting etc as well.
By my counting I've asked out/fancied 38 women in my life time......they've all said no. I've only ever successfully initiated a kiss with 3 women ever, the other times its always been the women.
Millions of men meet up/hook up with women every single day - I have a friend whos slept with over 40 women, another whos had about 12 girl friends...but me, 31 and nothing? Why am I so different? I really don't believe I'm that un-desirable.....but I'm beginning to wonder. There are some tings in life people will never do - be a professional sports player, get that job they wanted, have kids......is it also true to say that plenty of people will just live live forever single? Do a google search and you'll find plenty of stuff on men in their 50's & 60's totally single.
Its crazy how uncommon this is to the point its almost laughable. Should I just give up & accept it? Anyone got any ideas or experience with/met anyone similar who's turned this around?
You cant do nothing about your height but you can do something about your looks. Its true alot of women care about height but if your confident upkeep your appearance and have an enjoyable personality you can get any girl you want. My friend is the same height as you and he pulls 9s and 10s. Some women will not date short guys no matter what just like some women will not date bald guys or skinny guys etc etc..Everyone has their preferences.
When it comes to looks women look at height but they also like to see an athletic body. Are you hitting the gym and cutting back on the sodas and chips or do you play video games all day and snack on pizza all day.
Teeth are huge. Going to the dentist and working on your smile will go along way. Really upkeep on your teeth.
Is your skin clear? make sure your face is completely clear with as little flaws as possible. Women are attracted to clean beautiful faces. Most women dont like beards or uncontrollable mustaches. Keep your facial hair trimmed or shaved if you have any.
Your clothes have got to be decent. Have some style about you. Alot of women love clean cut guys. Were the best out of them all. An example would be a fresh button (high quality) up a nice watch (only 150$) casual jeans good shoes good cologne.
wear a muscle shirt girls love that. They go crazy for a clean cut athletic guy in a muscle shirt who smells really good.
Also stop being nervous. You need to accept the fact that your going to rejected sometimes. You need to develop cow hide and remind yourself that your a great catch and if a woman doesnt want to date you its her lost.That fear of rejection is making you nervous.
Women love to be comfortable and herself with a man. When your nervous around a woman you unintentionally send awkward vibes which she picks up on and in turn makes her uncomfortable to be around you. Be relaxed and analytical. Focus on quickly learning her personality. What does she find funny, what annoys her, what does she find attractive etc etc. Women love to laugh so you have to quickly find out what her humor is like. Most womens humor is sillyness and being playful. They like witty humor. Nothing breaks ice faster then making a women laugh.
I think alot of guys who are nervous when talking to a woman overthink the situation as well. Your talking to a woman in hopes of intimacy thats it. Some guys treat women like praying mantiis.
If you dont make her laugh she will find you boring and nothing kills a womans interest faster than boredom.
When talking to her share some of your personal interest that you think she may find interesting. Ask about her interest. Talk about an array of topics. Keep it light playful and fun.
Do all these things and I promise you will see a drastic improvement on your success with women.
No women can resist a guy with a nice body, smile, cute face, handsome dresser, who smells really good, that can make them laugh and keep them on their tows. Its their kryptonite trust me. You will find a girlfriend in no time.
Should I just give up & accept it? Anyone got any ideas or experience with/met anyone similar who's turned this around?
If everything else about her was high quality (for example, personality, money management, intelligence, confidence, employment, family matters) would you date this woman?
I started this a while back to look for advice, even someone to talk to about it even if it is people on an internet forum I've never met, I didn't have a clue what to do or think - its not exactly something I'd ask my friends or parents advise with. And I have been slowly taking steps to fix this.
This is the key point. If you have trustworthy friends or close family members, all serious discussions should begin with them! That includes assessment of your real or perceived weaknesses, and routes to assuage them.
Internet forums are great for abstract expounding, where we make statements about society in general. It's not a place to solicit targeted personal advice.
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