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So all of those 20% do not want to get married? Reality is harsh, not everyone will find someone. Some people do end up alone. Yes, we get better at practicing stuff, but this guy is 31. He has been practicing for a long time. When things don't work out, then you need to evaluate what can be done to resolve the situation.
If he does not want to move, then he can do my other option, which is focusing on improving his social skills.
Are you sure all of those black women wanted to get married? What percentage of the 20% of men wanted to get married but didn't?
And 5% of 40 year olds a virgins?
I'm interested in finding out where the previous poster found these statistics and see if there's any truth in them. I've met men and women that just didn't want to get married. It's not that unusual.
Are you sure all of those black women wanted to get married? What percentage of the 20% of men wanted to get married but didn't?
Yes, I am sure. I highly doubt black woman are much less interested in marriage than other races.
Most never married I have met wanted to get married. But they never found the right man/woman, or they never worked on their dating skills.
We will never know how many of them wanted to get married but didn't and how many truly wanted to be alone. But take this into account. Most people do say they want to get married eventually, and many of the people who don't want to get married do get married as their partner do not agree. Another section of never want to get married are divorced people.
Yes, some people never find anyone. That is the reality. We don't live in a fairy tale where everyone will find someone eventually. The people who are most likely to end up alone are the people who don't take steps to change their situation.
If what you are doing is not giving you any results, then it is time to evaluate if you can do something different. Not just keep practicing in hope you get better. Especially when you are 31.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
um...well...yeah, if it's a repeat within a week or two of another. And another, and...
OP, go back a pg. or two and look for anything by a guy named "short doctor".
The gist of all short-guy threads:
Some women discriminate by height. Some women don't care at all. Other women think height is important, but will fall for a short guy with a great personality. If you go around bummed out, no one will want you no matter how tall or short you are. Confidence counts for a lot (this goes for women too).
And for the umpteenth time, from me, personally: every short guy I've ever known, ALL of them under 5', has had women flocking around him. Get yourself a fun or intriguing personality. Be outgoing. Develop a talent. Go where the women are; yoga class, meditation groups, cooking classes, animal shelters, hiking clubs or soccer leagues. Talk to women.
Gee where do you meet these 4 foot something guys? lol
Yes, I am sure. I highly doubt black woman are much less interested in marriage than other races.
Most never married I have met wanted to get married. But they never found the right man/woman, or they never worked on their dating skills.
We will never know how many of them wanted to get married but didn't and how many truly wanted to be alone. But take this into account. Most people do say they want to get married eventually, and many of the people who don't want to get married do get married as their partner do not agree. Another section of never want to get married are divorced people.
Yes, some people never find anyone. That is the reality. We don't live in a fairy tale where everyone will find someone eventually. The people who are most likely to end up alone are the people who don't take steps to change their situation.
If what you are doing is not giving you any results, then it is time to evaluate if you can do something different. Not just keep practicing in hope you get better. Especially when you are 31.
We celebrated our 10th anniversary this year. I'm 32 and hoping for many more years with my husband.
Those numbers are more grim than I imagined. Unmarried older people that I've known were either gay or didn't want to get married. Or at least that's what they said.
Its crazy how uncommon this is to the point its almost laughable. Should I just give up & accept it? Anyone got any ideas or experience with/met anyone similar who's turned this around?
There's only a couple of things that I can tell you about dating and being generally unsuccessful as a man.
1) Nobody cares about your problems and nobody wants to hear your whining. I don't care if you were 4'11" and were born with one eye. Every 6'1" man and every leggy blonde and average looking person thinks they have it just as bad as you or worse. Nobody wants to hear how short you are and how bad you have it. The world is merciless. You need to find a way to keep at it, stay strong in the face of rejection, and try and be happy.
2) Women will never change their sense of attraction. So, for you, it's all about playing lots of numbers if you want to find love. LOTS.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon
5"4 is quite short for a man. Generally girls don't go for guys that are shorter than them. And certainly forget about online dating as they can limit guys by their height.
You have three realistic options
1. Try to coach yourself socially so that you can compensate for your height.
2. Travel to another country where the average height is lower and live there. People tend to be shorter in South America and Asia. And if you have some money, then that will help too. Don't try to move with her back to America, as there are too many looking for visas.
3. Give up, and be a single man.
For every guy who thinks this way about short guys, you can bet there's 3 or 4 women who think this way about short guys too. So, what does that tell you OP? It's going to be a tough life.
The only way to deal with your problem is internally. You need to find a way to be happy in life despite lack of (traditional) success with women.
Think about midgets and people with deformities. How do they deal with it despite the fact that nobody cares about their problems, nobody cuts them any slack, and their life is so very difficult? I don't know. But try and figure it out. I deal with a lot of the same issues with women and I'm trying to figure out how to be happy in the face of lack of success. Good luck!
Yes, I am sure. I highly doubt black woman are much less interested in marriage than other races.
Most never married I have met wanted to get married. But they never found the right man/woman, or they never worked on their dating skills.
We will never know how many of them wanted to get married but didn't and how many truly wanted to be alone. But take this into account. Most people do say they want to get married eventually, and many of the people who don't want to get married do get married as their partner do not agree. Another section of never want to get married are divorced people.
Yes, some people never find anyone. That is the reality. We don't live in a fairy tale where everyone will find someone eventually. The people who are most likely to end up alone are the people who don't take steps to change their situation.
If what you are doing is not giving you any results, then it is time to evaluate if you can do something different. Not just keep practicing in hope you get better. Especially when you are 31.
See, I think the reason why some people who want to find someone never find anyone is because they don't try enough. Or because they absolutely refuse to lower their standards or get over whatever mental block is stopping them from accepting someone or pursing the right people. They don't practice enough. By practicing, and by asking questions to someone like a therapist to figure out why it isn't working once they start trying, they can learn.
I do agree that you should evaluate if you can do something different if what you're doing isn't working. But the OP's therapist seems to think that he isn't getting out there and trying and practicing enough yet. And so that seems a more reasonable first step than either a complete "social" makeover, let alone moving to a different country. After all, he says he's fancied/asked out 38 women and been rejected each time. And yet he says he's had at least 3 kisses. And so he can't have been rejected every time, can he ? And furthermore, "fancied/asked out" implies that maybe he hasn't really asked out 38 women, but only actually asked out or attempted to make contact with some of them, and just "fancied" from a far the others.
And so those numbers (even if he has asked out 38 women) don't indicate that he's practiced all that much. That isn't a very big number for a 31 year old. And maybe he's only asked out super models that he had no chance with because he isn't "a 10" (and that isn't because of his height, there are "10s" who are 5'4). We don't know.
Bottom line is, I think his therapist is in the best position to help him. And so I'd go with the therapist to say he needs to get out there and get practice meeting women. And he doesn't need to worry about his height or "compensate" for his height. Just get out there and work on being a great guy and get some practice approaching women and learning that rejection is OK.
2) Women will never change their sense of attraction. So, for you, it's all about playing lots of numbers if you want to find love. LOTS.
Isn't that the case for most all of us, not just him ? The chance of one individual finding you attractive if you're slightly above average or less in attractiveness is quite low. The chance of finding someone who thinks you're attractive if you try many times is much higher.
Quote:
For every guy who thinks this way about short guys, you can bet there's 3 or 4 women who think this way about short guys too. So, what does that tell you OP? It's going to be a tough life.
I happen to be a person who doesn't really notice if a guy is short until it's pointed out to me that the guy is short. And so we have 3 guys in this thread (including you) who've talked about his shortness. So now we know there are at least 12 women out there who think that 5'4" is too short. Big whoop. Know how many single or soon to be single women there are out there ? It's a lot more than 12, I guarantee you.
I don't think there's any basis for saying that someone is going to have a tough life just because they're a 5'4" guy. That's ridiculous.
There was one girl I dated in HS. I started going out to clubs and bars just before I turned 18. Not long after, I started dating. I averaged (very approx. numbers here) one or two dates a week either 1st dates or 2nd or 3rd dates for the most part. I had a few turn into short relationships and a few longer relationships, the longest 6 months. I took the better part of a year off dating after the 6 month relationship crashed and burned. Yeah, that was over dramatic. That seems like a lot of dates to me, ie practice. I got better at it over time. The first 6 months were pretty epically bad dates. The guys were fine. I was a bumbling idiot and the more nervous I was, the dumber I sounded.
I think if the OP were less harsh on himself, he'd have an easier time. You can offer something a lot of men can't offer at your age. Your virginity. That's not really a bad thing. =
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