Single ladies .......are you worried about not finding someone to settle down with? (woman, love)
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i wouldnt say I am worried, but it is pretty clear that i will likely remain alone at this point. (40, divorced). dating is easy, but finding a commitment minded suitable man is difficult. i know most people say they are happy being alone, but believe me that happiness fades when you are in a tough spot such as my Christmas (broke my hand, sitting alone eating take out, nobody cares, dirty dishes in sink because i cant wash them). Anyway OP, I think you are wise to care about your love life, dont let people talk you out of believing a mate is important.
See, when I was in a similar situation (and was married) I got no help from my now Ex. I sprained my ankle at work (turned out to be a grade 2 sprain) and I couldn't walk. My co-workers helped me to my car and I called my husband (who was home at the time). I got home and no help from him. I had to crawl into the house, down into the basement, and find an old pair of his crutches. Then I had to drive myself to the emergency care center because he didn't want to take me. He never helped me once... he just sat there watching TV. It would be no different than if I was alone. And I ended up having to come home and cook dinner, clean dishes, and all that crap too... all the while he was complaining that I was being "dramatic" and just wanted attention. For the record, I am rarely ever sick or injured. I could see if I was a hypochondriac or something, but this was an honest to goodness injury that hurt a lot and using the crutches made getting around the house difficult the first few days.
My point is, don't get married as a security system so you aren't alone or someone takes care of you. You can't count on it. And if you are a woman (and you marry a man your age or older like most do) chances are you are going to end up alone again anyway.
I am not saying marriage can't be good or a wonderful thing. But marrying for the sake of security is a poor reason. Although I agree with you about the love of your life bit... and a mate can be an important part of many people's lives.
See, when I was in a similar situation (and was married) I got no help from my now Ex. I sprained my ankle at work (turned out to be a grade 2 sprain) and I couldn't walk. My co-workers helped me to my car and I called my husband (who was home at the time). I got home and no help from him. I had to crawl into the house, down into the basement, and find an old pair of his crutches. Then I had to drive myself to the emergency care center because he didn't want to take me. He never helped me once... he just sat there watching TV. It would be no different than if I was alone. And I ended up having to come home and cook dinner, clean dishes, and all that crap too... all the while he was complaining that I was being "dramatic" and just wanted attention. For the record, I am rarely ever sick or injured. I could see if I was a hypochondriac or something, but this was an honest to goodness injury that hurt a lot and using the crutches made getting around the house difficult the first few days.
My point is, don't get married as a security system so you aren't alone or someone takes care of you. You can't count on it. And if you are a woman (and you marry a man your age or older like most do) chances are you are going to end up alone again anyway.
I am not saying marriage can't be good or a wonderful thing. But marrying for the sake of security is a poor reason. Although I agree with you about the love of your life bit... and a mate can be an important part of many people's lives.
Good god that guy was an a-hole, above and beyond the whole I'll-marry-you-to-hide-my-gayness thing.
14 day window!? Holy sh*t. If there's mutual interest something is usually set up within a couple days. I don't "get" exchanging messages, e-mails, texts or phone calls over a period of weeks. If there's a distance it's not much of an issue, but if sad person is local then I prefer to meet ASAP. I've been on several dates where we met the same day or next day.
I totally understand where you're coming from, but for some folks it's better to take it slow. There are a number of people (myself included) who have been pressured "to meet ASAP" and, when a meeting is set, it's flake-town or there are a lot of expectations set that the other doesn't want.
No judgement here, though. Each person's mileage may (and often does) vary.
Good god that guy was an a-hole, above and beyond the whole I'll-marry-you-to-hide-my-gayness thing.
Well, there's a reason he can't keep a boyfriend.
Don't think that I am so victim though. Nothing happened to me that I didn't let happen to me and I know that. My problem in all this is I let myself be a doormat for so long. Maybe that's where part of my non-marriage sentiment comes from. Deep down, I know I haven't changed much and will end up a doormat in an over eager effort to "please" if I marry again. It's just so ingrained in my personality that I want to make the people I love happy at all costs... even my own. If I am not married, at least I feel free to leave (or more free to leave). What I am saying is men aren't the problem in my relationship life, I am.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
14 day window!? Holy sh*t. If there's mutual interest something is usually set up within a couple days. I don't "get" exchanging messages, e-mails, texts or phone calls over a period of weeks. If there's a distance it's not much of an issue, but if sad person is local then I prefer to meet ASAP. I've been on several dates where we met the same day or next day.
See, when I was in a similar situation (and was married) I got no help from my now Ex. I sprained my ankle at work (turned out to be a grade 2 sprain) and I couldn't walk. My co-workers helped me to my car and I called my husband (who was home at the time). I got home and no help from him. I had to crawl into the house, down into the basement, and find an old pair of his crutches. Then I had to drive myself to the emergency care center because he didn't want to take me. He never helped me once... he just sat there watching TV. It would be no different than if I was alone. And I ended up having to come home and cook dinner, clean dishes, and all that crap too... all the while he was complaining that I was being "dramatic" and just wanted attention. For the record, I am rarely ever sick or injured. I could see if I was a hypochondriac or something, but this was an honest to goodness injury that hurt a lot and using the crutches made getting around the house difficult the first few days.
My point is, don't get married as a security system so you aren't alone or someone takes care of you. You can't count on it. And if you are a woman (and you marry a man your age or older like most do) chances are you are going to end up alone again anyway.
I am not saying marriage can't be good or a wonderful thing. But marrying for the sake of security is a poor reason. Although I agree with you about the love of your life bit... and a mate can be an important part of many people's lives.
You were married to a real Douche buffoon, darlin'......
Your much bettor off without him. He was no comfort at ALL.........I'm so sorry you put up with being treated like that.
Don't think that I am so victim though. Nothing happened to me that I didn't let happen to me and I know that. My problem in all this is I let myself be a doormat for so long. Maybe that's where part of my non-marriage sentiment comes from. Deep down, I know I haven't changed much and will end up a doormat in an over eager effort to "please" if I marry again. It's just so ingrained in my personality that I want to make the people I love happy at all costs... even my own. If I am not married, at least I feel free to leave (or more free to leave). What I am saying is men aren't the problem in my relationship life, I am.
Such a good perspective. I wanted to make a point of that when we were talking in the other thread....i.e. that I'm not just trying to play the victim with my whole "I quit" thing. I didn't deserve what I got (massive cheater and liar) but I was complicit in it. Ignored all kinds of red flags, and went back for more even after the truth had started to come out.
Okay, my last single friend (the one who I hanged out with the most) just informed me that she is hooked. It seems like they are serious about each other and going strong.
Then it hit me, I am in my late 20s, and I am still working on my career. I am not stable yet financially. I am a bit uncomfortable with the feeling. I have never felt the need to settle down before. I mean I dated, but I never thought I would have to marry anyone. In fact, I dated because I knew I still had time to break up and start the dating process again. I don't like this feeling and I know men can sense it in me.
Do you feel the same way? How do I get rid of this feeling? Please don't tell me to focus on other things because I AM focusing on a lot of things. It just tonight ....something is wrong with me tonight.
Do you know how nice it is for a guy to meet a woman in her late 20's - 30's who didn't get married, knocked up and divorced all before the age of 28. It can seem impossible sometimes.
See, when I was in a similar situation (and was married) I got no help from my now Ex. I sprained my ankle at work (turned out to be a grade 2 sprain) and I couldn't walk. My co-workers helped me to my car and I called my husband (who was home at the time). I got home and no help from him. I had to crawl into the house, down into the basement, and find an old pair of his crutches. Then I had to drive myself to the emergency care center because he didn't want to take me. He never helped me once... he just sat there watching TV. It would be no different than if I was alone. And I ended up having to come home and cook dinner, clean dishes, and all that crap too... all the while he was complaining that I was being "dramatic" and just wanted attention. For the record, I am rarely ever sick or injured. I could see if I was a hypochondriac or something, but this was an honest to goodness injury that hurt a lot and using the crutches made getting around the house difficult the first few days.
My point is, don't get married as a security system so you aren't alone or someone takes care of you. You can't count on it. And if you are a woman (and you marry a man your age or older like most do) chances are you are going to end up alone again anyway.
I am not saying marriage can't be good or a wonderful thing. But marrying for the sake of security is a poor reason. Although I agree with you about the love of your life bit... and a mate can be an important part of many people's lives.
So what you are saying is, you made a poor choice of a husband. no need to put younger women off of marriage due to your bad experience. i dont think the OP wants a husband for the sake of security since she didn't say that.
See, when I was in a similar situation (and was married) I got no help from my now Ex. I sprained my ankle at work (turned out to be a grade 2 sprain) and I couldn't walk. My co-workers helped me to my car and I called my husband (who was home at the time). I got home and no help from him. I had to crawl into the house, down into the basement, and find an old pair of his crutches. Then I had to drive myself to the emergency care center because he didn't want to take me. He never helped me once... he just sat there watching TV. It would be no different than if I was alone. And I ended up having to come home and cook dinner, clean dishes, and all that crap too... all the while he was complaining that I was being "dramatic" and just wanted attention. For the record, I am rarely ever sick or injured. I could see if I was a hypochondriac or something, but this was an honest to goodness injury that hurt a lot and using the crutches made getting around the house difficult the first few days.
My exhubby did the same type of stuff. I have asthma and am very suspitble to pneumonia and bronchitis. We had spent Cmas with his father where the smoking was high. Well..that is a bad trigger and he refused to do a hotel room thing. Long story short we got home and I told him..I am really sick I need to go to er. The man sat on the couch and said take yourself... I was at the ER for 5 hours and he had the nerve to ask me when I got back what took me so long. Um..5 hours of treatment jerk. I was out of work for another week and he was not helpful at all. Yea that is when I knew we were done.
OH and I married a douche..it is not every man that is like that.
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exactly
......I'm so sorry you put up with being treated like that.
