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After my first divorce, in middle age, i was together with women who were single and enjoyed that life for its freedom and opportunity to develop themselves without any romantic attachment, but who were active sexually (and derived a certain amount of confirmation from this). Being with them could be exciting and dangerous, but lacked intimacy. I also came across a number, like the OP, who were wondering if there isn't more to life and, because these women usually had friends of the "strong" type, they tended to feel a bit guilty for not being so independent. And, after a while, it looked like this pattern was cyclical for some, but not all, older single women.
If it's any consolation to the OP, there are a lot of men out there, having the same experience and feelings you are.
Don't be so eager to hunt Raena. I am a firm believer that when you are ready...THE RIGHT GUY WILL FIND YOU. Your only job should be to work on becoming the best woman you can be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Prepare yourself and keep your heart open to love and the right guy will definitely find you. Trust me...Truly great woman do not stay single.
Don't be so eager to hunt Raena. I am a firm believer that when you are ready...THE RIGHT GUY WILL FIND YOU. Your only job should be to work on becoming the best woman you can be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Prepare yourself and keep your heart open to love and the right guy will definitely find you. Trust me...Truly great woman do not stay single.
I'm miserably single...but I don't know if that's because I really feel that way...or because society has made me feel that way..
Interesting comment.
Before I met my last/most current ex-S.O., I was blissfully single, and I was that way for a reason. I had just gotten out of a four-year relationship with a man who was extremely high-maintenance. "Exhausting" is the perfect adjective for that relationship. He gave me NO time for myself. He demanded intimacy around the clock. After we broke up, I went an entire year without dating, and I gotta admit, it was sheer heaven. A lot of people thought that I should have gotten back on the horse a lot sooner, but they honestly did not realize that it took me a loooong time to catch my breath. So screw society.
I don't want to be single because this last relationship was one of the happiest ones I have ever had. Almost perfect. That's why it was so shocking when it ended, because I had been happy, didn't want to change a thing. I want the same type of relationship again, only with someone who won't f*ck me over when I least expect it.
Don't be so eager to hunt Raena. I am a firm believer that when you are ready...THE RIGHT GUY WILL FIND YOU. Your only job should be to work on becoming the best woman you can be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Prepare yourself and keep your heart open to love and the right guy will definitely find you. Trust me...Truly great woman do not stay single.
usamathman gives great advice. Can I offer some perspective, too Raena77?
I got married when I was 25, and I'm now divorcing after 22 years. I'm sad that I lost so many years, but very relieved and happy that I will once again be on my own. Why? Because I can't describe adequately how lonely I felt in my marriage for MANY years. I can't explain accurately how insignificant I felt, without a voice or influence in my own home, and how much I felt that, somewhere along the line, I had lost myself completely.
I know. You're thinking, "but that's because you got married relatively young, and you probably didn't have a strong sense of yourself or what you wanted." While that IS true in some respects, in most others it isn't. I was a smart girl, with a good, strong head on my shoulders, independent and very particular about the men I dated. I didn't care about how much money he made (or was going to make over the course of his career), or how "successful" he potentially was. I cared that he was a good, decent guy who I truly cared about (and who cared about me), that he was intelligent and was someone I felt attracted to and compatible with.
My husband IS a good man, and in most ways, I don't think I could have chosen a better father for my kids. But it became clear within a couple of years that we really weren't as compatible as I had originally thought. In fact, we couldn't have been more different.
My point is that marriage is no guarantee for happiness and fulfillment. That's not to say that you shouldn't want or hope for marriage. Of course you'd like that; you're human, and as another poster said, we as humans are NOT meant to live in solitude. I couldn't agree more with that poster. We need love and community, and, ideally, mates with whom we can go through life. In all likelihood, you will find your man and have the happily ever after.
But don't focus on whatever it is you feel you're missing in your life and be convinced that marriage will automatically solve that. You seem like an intelligent, insightful woman with a good sense of humor. I'm sure you have great family and friends and perhaps work you enjoy that provides you a relatively secure life. From where I stand, you got it made in the shade, girlfriend. Relax and enjoy your life FULLY while you continue your search for your life mate.
Don't be so eager to hunt Raena. I am a firm believer that when you are ready...THE RIGHT GUY WILL FIND YOU. Your only job should be to work on becoming the best woman you can be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Prepare yourself and keep your heart open to love and the right guy will definitely find you. Trust me...Truly great woman do not stay single.
While in theory this might be true, I actually don't believe it. I have this great friend who would bring a lot to a relationship only men keep bypassing her. Her story is very much like mine in that she did online dating and the only men who liked her she didn't like and the men she liked had no interest. She's pretty, thin, educated yet men don't give her a chance. I've known guys like her too. Meanwhile I've known train wrecks of people who never had a problem finding people.
While in theory this might be true, I actually don't believe it. I have this great friend who would bring a lot to a relationship only men keep bypassing her.
I believe that it's much more difficult to find a quality person once a woman reaches a certain age. You know the old saying, "All of the good ones are taken"? It's true to a certain degree. Emotionally healthy people who are ready for a LT relationship or marriage typically pair up with like-minded others much earlier, leaving the pickings mighty slim. For women, it's usually freshly divorced men who are extremely needy/desperate/bitter; terminal Peter Pans; and men with such serious (unresolved) personal issues, it's no wonder that they're still single. Trust me, there are single 40-something guys who are totally unawares of their deal-breaking habits and behaviors, and I'm not talking about dumb resolvable stuff like smoking socially or being a little lax in the housekeeping department.
I went out with one guy who was clearly over-the-top OCD to the extent that it controlled his life. No one wants to sign on for that. And yet these people refuse to get help for themselves.
My friends always tell me that I'm a catch, and I am. But, they are also brutally honest. One of my oldest college pals -- a man -- recently told me that as long as he's known me, I've gone for men who look good "on paper" but who have low character. Obviously, I need to work on myself and find out what I'm doing wrong, why I don't feel like I deserve better, so I won't go through one heartbreak after another.
While in theory this might be true, I actually don't believe it. I have this great friend who would bring a lot to a relationship only men keep bypassing her. She's pretty, thin, educated yet men don't give her a chance.
What about her personality??? Her attitude?? Communication skills?? Was she high maintenance??? Did she have ties with ex boyfriends?? Is she extremely picky???
All of the things above play a big role in whether or not a woman will be found by THE BEST MAN for her life.
Looks and education are great but are not the deciding factor for THE BEST MEN who are looking to settle down.
Plenty of good looking educated women that will never be able to keep a man simply because of their crappy attitude, disinterest, or unresolved emotional baggage.
Don't know your friend, but like I said earlier GREAT WOMAN don't stay single. She needs to take a deep look inside.
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