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14 day window!? Holy sh*t. If there's mutual interest something is usually set up within a couple days. I don't "get" exchanging messages, e-mails, texts or phone calls over a period of weeks. If there's a distance it's not much of an issue, but if sad person is local then I prefer to meet ASAP. I've been on several dates where we met the same day or next day.
Ack, I NEVER would meet someone very quickly. I found chatting, talking on the phone and texting for at least a couple weeks was a great way to weed out guys..... they usually let their crazy out in that period of time.
Everyone's different. I found it absolute torture to be out with someone who I didn't like, so I took time to get to know them a bit.
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Hey, I was never a part of that type of "feminism". I believe in equal pay for equal work. I believe that women should consider nontraditional career opportunities, if that's what floats their boat. But to my mind, a certain generation carried feminism way too far and drew a direct association between "no-strings-attached sex" and so-called "women's liberation" where none exists. The thing that p*sses me off is that all women have to live with this now. A lot of us didn't ask for this. We never wanted it. We got totally screwed.
I totally agree with you, and would add to this the list of nonsense that a career is as satisfying as love, marriage and family. My job is well paid and is held by men 90% of the time so win, right? Yeah right
Ack, I NEVER would meet someone very quickly. I found chatting, talking on the phone and texting for at least a couple weeks was a great way to weed out guys..... they usually let their crazy out in that period of time.
Everyone's different. I found it absolute torture to be out with someone who I didn't like, so I took time to get to know them a bit.
I am usually able to weed men out with my profile. It did a fantastic job of weeding out the undesirables, as did exchanging messages on the site, at least a dozen or so very in depth messages. That often leads to talking on the phone that same day or the next day.
It usually depends on our schedules, but meeting within a 2-4 day window is about average. Initial phone conversations typically last 2-3 hours with those I am moderately compatible with, and 4-6 if there's a very high level of compatibility. When the interest is lukewarm I see no interest to meet them ASAP.
I prefer not to waste my time, weeks, getting to know someone if it's not going to work. I can usually tell within the first couple phone conversations whether there's genuine interest. I'd rather know very early on either through e-mail/message correspondence or phone. With my beau, the first day, we exchanged about a dozen messages, several were lengthy, and the next day we texted throughout the day, then I called him in the evening and we spoke for six hours. The day after we spoke for about five hours. Then we started Skyping, and that would last 3-5 hours.
I'm all for equality for everyone, don't get me wrong. But to think there wouldn't be consequences is tremendously short-sighted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703
Hey, I was never a part of that type of "feminism." I believe in equal pay for equal work. I believe that women should consider nontraditional career opportunities, if that's what floats their boat. But to my mind, a certain generation carried feminism way too far and drew a direct association between "no-strings-attached sex" and so-called "women's liberation" where none exists. The thing that p*sses me off is that all women have to live with this now. A lot of us didn't ask for this. We never wanted it. We got totally screwed.
Melissa78703, some of us have NEVER drawn a correlation between "no-strings-attached sex" and "women's liberation." I consider myself a feminist, but I have never deluded myself into believing that I could or should have sex like a man. I never felt that I had to "put out" and honestly, I didn't become sexually "active" until I was in a serious relationship - at the age of 23! - with my now husband. Yes, you heard me correctly. I know, it's hilarious.
Don't misunderstand me- I'm NOT suggesting that how I did things was THE right way (I now have a 16-year old daughter, and I want something different for her). And truth be told, there were a couple of purely practical reasons why I didn't have a variety of sexual partners at a younger age: 1)my dad was a VERY protective, traditionally-minded man, and 2) I wasn't on birth control, and I had NO intention of doing so for any ol', run-of-the mill dude.
But despite my feminist beliefs philosophically, I also knew that I was an emotional girl underneath it all and that becoming intimate with a man who was emotionally disengaged (if I WAS emotionally engaged) was a fool's errand. And though I'm now leaving my 20-year marriage and laugh at how idealistic I was as a young, single woman, I also don't feel any of the same resentment, regret and embarrassment about previous relationships that many women seem to. Sex is a basic need, and women are as entitled to it as men. But being a "liberated" woman does NOT mean playing the man's game. It means respecting and valuing yourself enough to be true to what YOU want as a woman. So, I'm not sure why you feel that you have to "live with" or accept the prevailing dating/sexual culture. Why should you? What will happen if you don't?
Melissa78703, some of us have NEVER drawn a correlation between "no-strings-attached sex" and "women's liberation." I consider myself a feminist, but I have never deluded myself into believing that I could or should have sex like a man. I never felt that I had to "put out" and honestly, I didn't become sexually "active" until I was in a serious relationship - at the age of 23! - with my now husband. Yes, you heard me correctly. I know, it's hilarious.
Don't misunderstand me- I'm NOT suggesting that how I did things was THE right way (I now have a 16-year old daughter, and I want something different for her). And truth be told, there were a couple of purely practical reasons why I didn't have a variety of sexual partners at a younger age: 1)my dad was a VERY protective, traditionally-minded man, and 2) I wasn't on birth control, and I had NO intention of doing so for any ol', run-of-the mill dude.
But despite my feminist beliefs philosophically, I also knew that I was an emotional girl underneath it all and that becoming intimate with a man who was emotionally disengaged (if I WAS emotionally engaged) was a fool's errand. And though I'm now leaving my 20-year marriage and laugh at how idealistic I was as a young, single woman, I also don't feel any of the same resentment, regret and embarrassment about previous relationships that many women seem to. Sex is a basic need, and women are as entitled to it as men. But being a "liberated" woman does NOT mean playing the man's game. It means respecting and valuing yourself enough to be true to what YOU want as a woman. So, I'm not sure why you feel that you have to "live with" or accept the prevailing dating/sexual culture. Why should you? What will happen if you don't?
i wouldnt say I am worried, but it is pretty clear that i will likely remain alone at this point. (40, divorced). dating is easy, but finding a commitment minded suitable man is difficult. i know most people say they are happy being alone, but believe me that happiness fades when you are in a tough spot such as my Christmas (broke my hand, sitting alone eating take out, nobody cares, dirty dishes in sink because i cant wash them). Anyway OP, I think you are wise to care about your love life, dont let people talk you out of believing a mate is important.
Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship but don't assume the grass is greener. I got a few friends whose significant other wouldn't have washed a single dish & would have moaned about not having Xmas dinner made for them.
Don't want to divert this thread too much toward feminism, but I think the true intent of feminism was more focused on other issues about equal opportunity for advancement in work and other areas. It seemed to be sort of hijacked into thinking that women should be like men... not the true intent of the message, a couple of posters here, Thursday007 in particular, has posted some great and correct definitions of what feminism is and how it came about.
Women "acting like men" wasn't what is about or should be about. It has become hijacked, like most good movements and has morphed (in perception) into meaning other things....most of the time negatively.....
Okay, my last single friend (the one who I hanged out with the most) just informed me that she is hooked. It seems like they are serious about each other and going strong.
Then it hit me, I am in my late 20s, and I am still working on my career. I am not stable yet financially. I am a bit uncomfortable with the feeling. I have never felt the need to settle down before. I mean I dated, but I never thought I would have to marry anyone. In fact, I dated because I knew I still had time to break up and start the dating process again. I don't like this feeling and I know men can sense it in me.
Do you feel the same way? How do I get rid of this feeling? Please don't tell me to focus on other things because I AM focusing on a lot of things. It just tonight ....something is wrong with me tonight.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. There are no entitlements. You have to earn it. Relationships are just like careers. Once you become uncomfortable, you will go downhill. Do you feel uncomfortable in your career? What is settle down to you? How can you not have time to break up? A break up just a text message away.
I think you are making this thread to much about you. not that it is a bad thing, but given the number of "I's" in your post makes me think you would be better served to start a new thread.
Again, read the topic of this thread. The answer she's asking for is what other people feel about the subject. I was just answering her question in her original post. I am not sure why you have a problem with it and think I should start a new thread because my opinion isn't the same as yours.
Marriage isn't some magical thing that makes a woman's world sunshine and lollypops. For some people marriage is great and they are very happy (and I pointed that out) but a lot of times it's horrible. In the end, it's something that if you meet the right person and it happens, great! But if the OP doesn't feel her life is leading her towards marriage and she's not ready just yet, then no, she need not "worry" about it just because her friends are getting married. Getting married just because or peer pressure and "everyone else is getting married" or "society thinks I should" is a potential recipe for problems.
Last edited by jillabean; 12-28-2013 at 02:37 PM..
Reason: needed a paragraph space and other typo to be fixed.
if you're waiting for everything to be perfect and fully in place until you decide to settle down....well...you'll be waiting a lifetime.
As for this tone from some of the women here about, "you don't have to answer to a man, stay single as long as you like" good god. With that preset viewpoint, also plan on staying single. You don't have to answer to anyone. Find a life partner, a friend, a lover, someone who enhances you life. Not someone you answer to.
I read these threads and think to myself, no wonder so many women these days bounce from man to man and never settle down. The outlook and expectations you put on yourselves and a potential mate are insane and will never happen in the real world.
In life, if you wait on anything until everything is just perfect, you'll die while still waiting.
+1
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