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I guess it could be understood as a euphemism for someone who is putting all the effort in the relationship while the other person isn't doing anything.
I think the general point of jasper's posts is that there are challenges being in a relationship just like there are challenges in being single and having a relationship will not solve all of your problems.
I guess just don't see washing dishes as a relationship challenge. It's a petty thing to complain about in my opinion.
Last edited by GraciousVox; 12-30-2013 at 12:18 PM..
I think Jasper was directly referring to your post where you said you had a broken hand and ate Christmas dinner alone and had to do the dishes alone with your bum hand. You alluded to the fact that it would be nice to be married so someone could have help with it. Jasper was just pointing out that just because a person has a spouse, doesn't mean the spouse is always the type to help you out (the grass isn't always greener). You could have a spouse that helps you out... or you could have a spouse that demands dinner and leaves you with your dishes (and theirs) to do with your broken hand.
If you were hurt and having trouble with house hold tasks, you could just as easily have a relative or friend, even a neighbor come over and help you out. A spouse isn't the only person to help you out in a time of need and even if you have someone there's no guarantee they'll support you when your time of need comes. I know of a few real life instances where the husband bailed when the wife got sick with cancer.
I think Jasper was directly referring to your post where you said you had a broken hand and ate Christmas dinner alone and had to do the dishes alone with your bum hand. You alluded to the fact that it would be nice to be married so someone could have help with it. Jasper was just pointing out that just because a person has a spouse, doesn't mean the spouse is always the type to help you out (the grass isn't always greener). You could have a spouse that helps you out... or you could have a spouse that demands dinner and leaves you with your dishes (and theirs) to do with your broken hand.
I didn't eat Christmas dinner actually. I said something about how it would be nice to be married? That doesn't sound like me as I am divorced and aren't looking for a husband. I am on my phone, to difficult to look back.
I have certainly given the merits of relationships in general, and only mention marriage particularly because that is what the OP asks. I think it is ridiculous that all of the single, older women come out of the woodwork to discourage her in order to feel better about their own marital status. It sickens me, too be honest, the way women of my generation promote so heavily their own lonely lifestyles without telling the truth about it.
I didn't eat Christmas dinner actually. I said something about how it would be nice to be married? That doesn't sound like me as I am divorced and aren't looking for a husband. I am on my phone, to difficult to look back.
I have certainly given the merits of relationships in general, and only mention marriage particularly because that is what the OP asks. I think it is ridiculous that all of the single, older women come out of the woodwork to discourage her in order to feel better about their own marital status. It sickens me, too be honest, the way women of my generation promote so heavily their own lonely lifestyles without telling the truth about it.
I think most of the women here are just answering the OP's question of, "I have never felt the need to settle down before. I mean I dated, but I never thought I would have to marry anyone... Do you feel the same way?"
Other women of all ages and walks of life are chiming in with their answers of either yes or no. Some are sharing their reasons why too. She isn't asking if she should get married, she's asking if she should be worried that she doesn't feel the need to get married. At least, that's the question I see in the OP.
And I don't recall anyone advising her to be a lonely, write off all men forever, never have a relationship and live the life of a nun. People are saying don't worry about marriage just yet and just because it seems like everyone else is doing it (especially considering the OP hasn't indicated she's even had a long-term boyfriend yet).
Logically, I know that you're probably right -- this friend has abandoned hope, doesn't believe in marriage, and does the "hook-up" thing a lot. I guess if that's your lifestyle, you see things from a different perspective. It's hard for me to not believe these things when I'm feeling so shot down. I'll get to a point where I start to see the best in people again, and I'll start to notice those men of character ... it'll just be a while.
Melissa,
You seem like a nice kid..
Speaking of logic, when I first began to satisfy my animal urge to dominate and destroy, I found socially acceptable forms like chess. Blowing up ant hills with m-80s had run its course . I had counted the cost of a broken tooth, a favorite shirt from Bachrach being torn in drunken brawling and a cross bow bolt in a finger.
I always wanted to make those moves like swinging a sword handed down to me from Zeus. Swinging and missing, I realized the gods hated me, and I required trips to the smithy, learning to hold the center, putting a rook on an open file, and keeping from tripping pawns that march the plank into oblivion. Boring stuff..
I brew wine as well, shamefully chaptalize and use acid blend. Oak chips float in my carboys looking like dead cockroaches. But is the art lost in the end just because there are unsightly and objective tools of the trade?
First you need to come to realize where you are. Men fall in love with young, beautiful women with self destructive ease because its necessary, ya know. Now I know how expendable I am when having any contempt for its whims. As women age, the beauty fades, but then so do puppies grow into dogs and adorable infants are the most fleeting form of appearance of all. So does that mean a woman may bond with a 5 year old child, even of their own? Would it matter to turn them over to a government facility until 5? Does a man on the last hunting trip not remember the puppy? Yeah its easier to keep a man if you met him when you were beautiful and aged gracefully. Someone in charge of the new world of the now forgot to put that in the fine print. Saw it myself at a reunion where a friend of mine still saw a girl he had a crush on.
Nature is now against you . Dry farming is out, and you need to dig irrigation ditches.
Forget being able to "spot men of character". All you will do is spot attraction unless you can find objective standards of virtue. These are leaned, not inspired. One of those is a parable of Christ. If they give an abundance of what little they have, there is investment. But is must be subject to them. A rich man with little time gives more with 5 minutes than with any wad of cash.
Then you will know if he is : "really into you." And you are going to have to work for it and amp up the rate of circulation.
Or you can also realize that many married people also at times pine to be single as a concession. The old wounds still ache when it rains regardless...
I didn't eat Christmas dinner actually. I said something about how it would be nice to be married? That doesn't sound like me as I am divorced and aren't looking for a husband. I am on my phone, to difficult to look back.
I have certainly given the merits of relationships in general, and only mention marriage particularly because that is what the OP asks. I think it is ridiculous that all of the single, older women come out of the woodwork to discourage her in order to feel better about their own marital status. It sickens me, too be honest, the way women of my generation promote so heavily their own lonely lifestyles without telling the truth about it.
And how do you know they aren't telling the truth? It sickens me that people still think the only way to be happy is to be in a relationship and any single person who says they are happy must be lying.
I think most of the women here are just answering the OP's question of, "I have never felt the need to settle down before. I mean I dated, but I never thought I would have to marry anyone... Do you feel the same way?"
Other women of all ages and walks of life are chiming in with their answers of either yes or no. Some are sharing their reasons why too. She isn't asking if she should get married, she's asking if she should be worried that she doesn't feel the need to get married. At least, that's the question I see in the OP.
And I don't recall anyone advising her to be a lonely, write off all men forever, never have a relationship and live the life of a nun. People are saying don't worry about marriage just yet and just because it seems like everyone else is doing it (especially considering the OP hasn't indicated she's even had a long-term boyfriend yet).
The answer is yes you should be concerned if:
You are in a heterosexual marriage and you like men....
Feeling lonely and single....
In jail desiring freedom...
Like Coke and have a Pepsi.
etc.
....
Problem is its a feeling, and nature is sometimes back stabbing scum....
I was happily single for quite a few years a ways back. Looked back on a few relationships and decided I was in pursuit of something I was not really obtaining...among other things. In my case out of sight out of mind worked well. So a single person determined to do so might find a chronic illness hanging around happy couples. It was when it was in sight and in mind that I tended to feel the burn. So there are prescriptions one may take. if you are trying to quit smoking , sometimes the smoking friends will do ya in.
I have no idea what this means, but I think I like it.
Dry farming is waiting for when it rains, all vine an no cantaloupe on Saturday night.
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