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My gfs don't care, I treat them well enough and give them enough attention that they don't have to worry too much about me. The only one that was ever bothered was possibly the most controlling person I have ever met in my life.
There's risk in any relationship. Going by your ideas, you shouldn't let any of your girlfriends go to parties or clubs without you because she might cheat on you. If a girl is gonna cheat on you, she's going to do it whether it's her ex boyfriend or some random dude at the bar. Take it as you wish.
Clearly, you have trouble grasping what I wrote because I clearly stated this has nothing to do with control or cheating. I CLEARLY stated that my personal philosophy is give a woman enough rope to hang herself. Which translates to let her do what she wants and when she screws up I can end it. Better to know now than later...
Sure, meeting a random guy in the bar is the same threat as an ex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
That was a lady......
Go re-read the discussion, she mentioned guys do this too and I mentioned that I don't care about the guy POV in this thread because that's not what I am targeting in the OP.
Clearly, you have trouble grasping what I wrote because I clearly stated this has nothing to do with control or cheating. I CLEARLY stated that my personal philosophy is give a woman enough rope to hang herself. Which translates to let her do what she wants and when she screws up I can end it. Better to know now than later...
Sure, meeting a random guy in the bar is the same threat as an ex.
Why is an ex more of a threat to you than a stranger?
My SO talks to a couple of his exes. He even chats with an old hookup, FWB. It doesn't bother me at all. I speak to my ex husband who is the father of my daughters. It doesn't bother my husband at all. I think your maturity level is low, how old are you, you come across as pretty young.
Why is an ex more of a threat to you than a stranger?
Besides the obvious fact that there is history there? Attraction is not hard to rekindle...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
But she has a female pov.
Did she offer it ? NO
She just tried to inform us all of the obvious fact that men do this too. That's not exactly the female perspective on the issue but a general fact. Semantics..
I don't talk to my most recent ex, with whom I had a multi-year cohabiting relationship, and have no plans to. We did not end well, and there's no good reason to remain in contact. There is no universe in which we would ever rekindle anything.
Any other exes were so long ago (as in decade-plus), and so far away, that even though we parted on good terms, it's not like we've continued to socialize or correspond. If I bump into one on the street while visiting my hometown, as happens from time to time over the years, I'm friendly, as one might be to any acquaintance from years back. Would I call any of them up for a chat? No. Nor do they text me, call me up, etc. We're just not that close, after years and years.
I do feel that as a married person, I am "allowed" to have the same friends I had as a single person, though. I would never have married somebody who thought that dictating who my friends are and aren't was in the cards.
My SO talks to a couple of his exes. He even chats with an old hookup, FWB. It doesn't bother me at all. I speak to my ex husband who is the father of my daughters. It doesn't bother my husband at all. I think your maturity level is low, how old are you, you come across as pretty young.
You obviously have kids together so again this doesn't apply to you because how can you cut that part of your life loose even if you wanted to since you have kids.
My maturity level is perfectly fine and my age doesn't factor into this one bit. This is about respect, and I have only met one woman who even made this an issue for me. All the others knew that past is the past and there is no point in still contacting each other.
I don't talk to my most recent ex, with whom I had a multi-year cohabiting relationship, and have no plans to. We did not end well, and there's no good reason to remain in contact. There is no universe in which we would ever rekindle anything.
Any other exes were so long ago (as in decade-plus), and so far away, that even though we parted on good terms, it's not like we've continued to socialize or correspond. If I bump into one on the street while visiting my hometown, as happens from time to time over the years, I'm friendly, as one might be to any acquaintance from years back. Would I call any of them up for a chat? No. Nor do they text me, call me up, etc. We're just not that close, after years and years.
I do feel that as a married person, I am "allowed" to have the same friends I had as a single person, though. I would never have married somebody who thought that dictating who my friends are and aren't was in the cards.
It's not about dictating anything to anyone. As soon as I see the girl is friends with an ex I let her know that's no good for me. And I just leave the relationship, but like I said this just happened to me once and I handled it appropriately.
For all intents and purposes, it shouldn't be a problem. And I do agree that, among other things, much of it has a lot to do with maturity level. If there are no residual feelings or alternative motives, why is this even a problem?
Personally, speaking, I do not speak to my most recent exboyfriend. For both of us, there will still always be some residual feelings that can never and will never result in a nonromantic, simply platonic relationship. We are both mature enough to accept that.
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