Why Do Women Talk To Their Ex's when in a Relationship? (cheating, attractive)
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I only had one ex where I had to deal with her ex and I honestly broke it off for this reason and a few others. She insisted it was normal to have ex's as friends while for me this is COMPLETELY unacceptable. For any man with even a shred of dignity this is not in the slightest bit acceptable. None of my girlfriends have to deal with my ex's and I make sure of this because why should they as my SO's? Every now and then I have one that contacts me and I tell them all straight up that I am not available and don't think its a good idea to catch up.
I am curious to see how many women here think that they can be friends with their ex's and why?
No matter what sort of rationalization you guys might come up with that sexual component will always be there rather you admit it or not. Old feelings die hard!
I talk to my exes. I'm still really good friends with most of them. I wouldn't be with a man who is so insecure that he gets his knickers in a knot over it. If you think I'm going to sleep with my exes, then you probably think I'll sleep with anyone I meet and I like. I don't need that kind of jealously in my life.
All I am saying is the possibility is greater with your ex for those things to happen. I am starting to think some in this thread are completely at a disconnect with the dating trends of my generation.
You know what is really annoying me in this thread is people are throwing around things like immature, insecure, and jealous without even realizing what these words mean. Let's be honest here the views I have on this subject might be a bit old school BUT would you consider people who have TRADITIONAL VALUES as any of those buzzwords?
It's pathetic because it seems like some of you don't even know the definitions of these words. Like insecure, that seems to be a popular one these days in this section in general. If someone isn't as "progressive(regressive imho)" they are some how labeled all these things.\
And my actions if you look at them and even my position on this issue is very strong. How can I be insecure when I was confident I made the right choice and made it without hesitation. Did I try to change the status quo with her? NO I JUST LEFT THE RELATIONSHIP. How does that make me controlling?
I cannot believe how some people come into these threads and post the most cliched crap repetitively even though its already pointed out to not be the case.
And I can't believe that you deny being jealous, threatened and immature when that clearly IS the case.
Oh, and you're controlling because leaving the relationship is a "my way or the highway" scenario.
My stance on this has changed over the years. I used to see nothing wrong with keeping in touch with ex-boyfriends. However, a male friend of mine set me straight. No matter how platonic the friendship may seem, men who have been naked with you tend to want to get you naked again. Whether they'll openly admit it or not, they're sort of hanging around, checking in from time to time, to see if you're up for that. And honestly, if your relationship is supposed to be first in your life (after your kids, of course), why would you want to keep in touch with exes?
Hooplaman isn't being controlling at all. He's just drawing a line in the sand and saying, "This is my boundary. If you don't respect it, I'm out of here." Anyone who gets involved with him, anyway, and still tries to keep the exes as well is the one who is being controlling.
And I can't believe that you deny being jealous, threatened and immature when that clearly IS the case.
Oh, and you're controlling because leaving the relationship is a "my way or the highway" scenario.
I find this pretty funny because you are using these useless labels just because you don't like my viewpoint on the issue. Sure, let me stay in a relationship that doesn't appeal to my morals/ethics and intelligence just because I will be labeled.
Yeah that makes total sense
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo
My stance on this has changed over the years. I used to see nothing wrong with keeping in touch with ex-boyfriends. However, a male friend of mine set me straight. No matter how platonic the friendship may seem, men who have been naked with you tend to want to get you naked again. Whether they'll openly admit it or not, they're sort of hanging around, checking in from time to time, to see if you're up for that. And honestly, if your relationship is supposed to be first in your life (after your kids, of course), why would you want to keep in touch with exes?
Hooplaman isn't being controlling at all. He's just drawing a line in the sand and saying, "This is my boundary. If you don't respect it, I'm out of here." Anyone who gets involved with him, anyway, and still tries to keep the exes as well is the one who is being controlling.
DING DING DING DING DING!
We have a winner!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89
Is that what happens to the lucky ladies you date whenever they do something you don't like?
They are indeed lucky!
If there is something that is a deal breaker for me, off course I am not going to stay in the relationship. You know it is hilarious to me reading threads every single day on CD where the majority of posters have gotten into bad relationships and stayed in them. When I circumvent the whole situation by trying to avoid women that are trouble I get the flak for having a good head on my shoulders.
The cookie crumbles in two ways in this thread...
Women who are justifying their own "friendships" with their ex and men who don't want to be hypocrites but know I am right. Seriously, I am not stupid I have been on both sides of this argument already by being that "ex friend"(short term) that is trying to bang you again. You know how easy it is to play the game right and have the girl right back into your bed.
Not to mention the fact that if she is still talking to her ex's this could tell me that she never has gotten over them. Just more headache than it is worth for me.
I don't personally talk to my ex's, as you said earlier, it causes conflict in the NEW relationship. Insecurities are personal problems that many have in relationships. If you do have a SO, with whom you care and trust, then it shouldn't be an issue at all. Are you just an untrusting person perhaps? Is there some reason the other have given you not to trust her?
All successful relationships are built on honesty and trust, if you enter a relationship without one or the other, there is no hope.
Overall, which is my current situation. My SO has been burned in the past, so he does have trust issues in general. We've been together for 4 yrs now, and even though we've had our ups and downs, we hang on. He has insecurities that I try to assure have no basis in our relationship.
Don't hold your SO responsible for what someone else might have done to you. It's not healthy.
My stance on this has changed over the years. I used to see nothing wrong with keeping in touch with ex-boyfriends. However, a male friend of mine set me straight. No matter how platonic the friendship may seem, men who have been naked with you tend to want to get you naked again. Whether they'll openly admit it or not, they're sort of hanging around, checking in from time to time, to see if you're up for that. And honestly, if your relationship is supposed to be first in your life (after your kids, of course), why would you want to keep in touch with exes?
Hooplaman isn't being controlling at all. He's just drawing a line in the sand and saying, "This is my boundary. If you don't respect it, I'm out of here." Anyone who gets involved with him, anyway, and still tries to keep the exes as well is the one who is being controlling.
Yeah, but you know? Most of the men you know who haven't seen you naked would like to see you naked, too. In fact, men you don't even know, men who might see you pass by on the street, would also like to see you naked.
Following your logic, women should completely disassociate from all men who they are not currently sleeping with or who are blood relatives. That is a ridiculous, impossible standard.
I don't personally talk to my ex's, as you said earlier, it causes conflict in the NEW relationship. Insecurities are personal problems that many have in relationships. If you do have a SO, with whom you care and trust, then it shouldn't be an issue at all. Are you just an untrusting person perhaps? Is there some reason the other have given you not to trust her?
All successful relationships are built on honesty and trust, if you enter a relationship without one or the other, there is no hope.
Overall, which is my current situation. My SO has been burned in the past, so he does have trust issues in general. We've been together for 4 yrs now, and even though we've had our ups and downs, we hang on. He has insecurities that I try to assure have no basis in our relationship.
Don't hold your SO responsible for what someone else might have done to you. It's not healthy.
I am not insecure about it I just see it as inappropriate to continue to talk to ex's. She can have a billion guy friends that want to screw her. I don't care unless she cheats, hence why I mention that I like to give women enough rope to hang themselves. She can have all the freedom she wants because that is how I will see her true character and I rather know now than further down the road.
With that said I have NEVER been cheated on and I don't cheat myself either. And this is honestly the only woman that actually put me in this situation. Every other girl was not carrying this baggage along with her so I never had to deal with it. And if they were talking prior to our relationship they stopped after without me even mentioning a word about it. For things like this I am not going to mention anything or try to work it out because I am looking for a woman that has a good head on her shoulders. I shouldn't have to say anything and I never have had to!
Those that have labelled me ridiculous things make me laugh because they expect me to accept a situation I don't want to be in just because they are trying to justify their own situations.
Trust is earned by the way it isn't just something you give someone out of the blue. It takes time to build trust, handing out trust like candy is ridiculously stupid. I am a pragmatist not and idealist, the fact is most people don't deserve your trust. You have to be smart about who you trust and who you don't. This is just a fact of life and I am not going to sugar coat it. This doesn't mean I have trust issues, if I love a girl then yes I trust her because we have had the time to build it up. How can you date someone for just a month or two and tell me that you trust them 100%? That's ridiculous!
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
Yeah, but you know? Most of the men you know who haven't seen you naked would like to see you naked, too. In fact, men you don't even know, men who might see you pass by on the street, would also like to see you naked.
Following your logic, women should completely disassociate from all men who they are not currently sleeping with or who are blood relatives. That is a ridiculous, impossible standard.
REALLY?! REALLY?!
There is no difference between a random guy and an ex?
Tell me again how naive you are if you actually believe that to be true!
You asked for one's opinion and I gave you mine. You come across as a very strong minded individual. Trust can't be built without honesty, and you have to trust the person you chose to be with to be honest with you at minimum. A ground to walk on.
You already have your future wife pictured in your mind. What you seek in every female, doesn't compare. Always go with your gut. If it's wrong, its wrong. You already know it, and getting suggestions from other people on CD aren't going to change your strong mind.
My son has dated girls who had guy friends. He would tell them, "You know that guy wants to get in your pants, don't you?" They'd laugh it off, and insist the guys were just friends. Months later, the girl would be shocked that the guy had propositioned her. The truth is that a guy can't fool another guy.
After a couple of very tumultuous relationships, my son now has the attitude that if his girlfriend cheats, he's out of there. No negotiating, no bargaining, nothing. He'll just leave. He's not saying who his girlfriend can or can't be friends with, but he now has a zero tolerance policy in regards to any kind of cheating. I see nothing wrong with that; in fact, he's showing a lot of maturity and self-respect. I admire him a great deal, as I wasn't so mature at only 25 years old.
I will amend my previous statement and 1st comment to this: You come across JUST LIKE MY SO. Very stubborn and you have to ALWAYS BE RIGHT.
So just as I would say to him....... You're right.
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