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That's exactly what I was thinking as I read the original post.
From my own experience, I lived with my first husband for five years before we got married. It was a huge mistake and we divorced 9 years after we married. We weren't excited to get married, but I think we both felt that after five years of living together, we needed to either marry or break up, and what with the house and all, we were too entrenched to just break up for no good reason. So we got married for no good reason.
IMO, if a man isn't passionate enough about a woman to want to marry her, and if he doesn't care enough about her to want her happiness at least as much as he wants his own, moving in is never going to make any difference in how he feels, except that he is likely to become bored with her or to realize that he has everything he wants, so why commit to someone he doesn't feel passionate about.
I feel for you. You know that this is killing your self esteem and your love for him inch by inch. You can do better.
your first marriage didn't work because you didn't want to spend the rest of your lives together
I think it's over and you haven't gotten the memo yet. Sorry!
Seriously, do you want to marry a guy you had to beg to propose? Or do you want to marry a man who wants you more than anything else in life? If you threaten to leave unless he proposes and he does...you will spend the rest of your life wondering.
You moved in, it's comfortable. Sounds like the passion is pretty much gone and this is a business deal. He has already tried on the marriage shoe and doesn't like it enough to go through with it.
If I was in your place, I would move out and date other people. I would want to find the love of my life. Not settle for some guy I have to beg to love me.
The 1950's are long gone. It's ridiculous to be judged by friends and family based on your marital status.
she doesn't want him more than anything else in life so why should he? she just likes the idea of being married. i would HATE to be stuck in a miserable marriage with someone like that.
IMO you need to tell him he needs to propose by a given date say 25December 2014. Let him know YOU have an expiration date & if he does not meet the deadline you are gone. Meanwhile stop sexing this man or if you do, do it in stages, oral today, vag, tomorrow, the back on Sunday never all 3 on the same day
I feel betrayed, confused and especially ... ANGRY. I keep trying to be fine with the situation and give him the time he needs but I feel angry ALL THE TIME. I only get married (hopefully) once and I don't want it to be after 4+ years of dating. I just don't and I couldn't have expressed my desire anymore clear from the beginning. So what is going on? How did this happen? If he didn't agree he should have said something! I don't want to throw away 2 1/2 years of what we've built but it is being eroded by my anger.
Do you really want to marry someone who you feel has betrayed and confused you, and makes you angry? Either way, you will have to accept it or leave.
Yeah, I think you are right. He is worried that I don't feel the same for him. I know that he loves me an awful lot and to be honest, I don't love him as intensely. But I DO love him and we would be very happy together. I want to show him how I love him and was thinking about planning a surprise date outing (water-board jets, a local cruise and a comedy club). It might sound awful that I don't love him as much as he loves me, but the love isn't absent, it's just not intense.
Appears to me you love the idea of marriage more than you love him.
Well it takes a bit. I would agree with you. But I mellowed some. My cut-off would be 5 years. My brother dated his girlfriend for 4 years before they decided to get married. So, it's not totally off the table. And another couple I know dated for 5 years before marriage.
So, 5 would be my cut-off. But seems he didn't say he wasn't going to propose at all, just not yet. So it seems he does plan to, but wants to wait a bit longer.
But it seems you care more about marriage than him. And if rushed for the other party, and under pressure, that marriage will end in a divorce.
But just depends on which is better for you. Being with him and waiting a bit, or dumping him and the 3 years down the drain and risk never being married, because there's no guarantee you will find another man. But that's IF you love this guy. Otherwise, if the waiting is upsetting, and you feel he's not serious, then it is best to part ways and date other guys and try to find something that will last, and have marriage after 1 or 2 years.
But, if he's dragging his feet, and not trying to progress in other ways working for the marriage, you may be wasting time, and thus start packing quickly.
The bolded statement caught my eye. Why is this matter something that the TWO of you decide? Are you not BOTH living together right now? Are you not BOTH in the relationship? If you marry, won't BOTH of you be in the marriage? Why does he get to decide the timing of an event that will also affect YOUR life and your future, by himself? Why is he given all the power in this?
There may be no guarantees in leaving, Vanilla..but at least she's back on the market and she has a fighting chance. Staying with him being his play-wife feeling used...the bitterness that may accumulate may delay her progress in finding someone else. So not only would the man have refused to marry you, he would have helped you into position where it would be difficult to successfully meet someone who DOES want to marry you. Not Good. She needs to realize and respect the fact that his attitude towards marriage could negatively impact her future and then decide what she wants to do about that.
WWOOOOWWWW just Wooooowwww.....OP saved me a lot of work by posting this which represents my very same situation. Only I do love my bf, and think he is attractive. And we've been a couple for 7 years and lived together for 4 years. And says he wants to marry me but thinks our relationship needs to improve in some areas before he can. Areas being we argue a lot over small things because I am turning into a bitter resentful angry person because I have given him total control of my life outcome by putting myself in this situation. I really do believe this frustration is where our problems are stemming from. Which doesn't make him feel like proposing any sooner. So i feel it is a lose lose situation at this point.
The most painful part is the feeling of rejection that I just wasn't good enough and that now i have to decide to uproot my happy little life i had with him and our two dogs hoping "one day he will see i'm good enough to be wife material". It's been 4 years living together! If he doesn't know by now he is wasting both our time right?
I have decided to be a happy person and take back control of my own happiness and life. I am moving back home, saving money, buying my own condo, and travel to and with the friends I want regardless of what he thinks of them. If he wants me back when he sees my happy amazing adventurous self that i know i am, he better get the ring out. If not, GOOD RIDDANCE! Next??? LOL Any response or opinions welcome
WWOOOOWWWW just Wooooowwww.....OP saved me a lot of work by posting this which represents my very same situation. Only I do love my bf, and think he is attractive. And we've been a couple for 7 years and lived together for 4 years. And says he wants to marry me but thinks our relationship needs to improve in some areas before he can. Areas being we argue a lot over small things because I am turning into a bitter resentful angry person because I have given him total control of my life outcome by putting myself in this situation. I really do believe this frustration is where our problems are stemming from. Which doesn't make him feel like proposing any sooner. So i feel it is a lose lose situation at this point.
The most painful part is the feeling of rejection that I just wasn't good enough and that now i have to decide to uproot my happy little life i had with him and our two dogs hoping "one day he will see i'm good enough to be wife material". It's been 4 years living together! If he doesn't know by now he is wasting both our time right?
I have decided to be a happy person and take back control of my own happiness and life. I am moving back home, saving money, buying my own condo, and travel to and with the friends I want regardless of what he thinks of them. If he wants me back when he sees my happy amazing adventurous self that i know i am, he better get the ring out. If not, GOOD RIDDANCE! Next??? LOL Any response or opinions welcome
WWOOOOWWWW just Wooooowwww.....OP saved me a lot of work by posting this which represents my very same situation. Only I do love my bf, and think he is attractive. And we've been a couple for 7 years and lived together for 4 years. And says he wants to marry me but thinks our relationship needs to improve in some areas before he can. Areas being we argue a lot over small things because I am turning into a bitter resentful angry person because I have given him total control of my life outcome by putting myself in this situation. I really do believe this frustration is where our problems are stemming from. Which doesn't make him feel like proposing any sooner. So i feel it is a lose lose situation at this point.
The most painful part is the feeling of rejection that I just wasn't good enough and that now i have to decide to uproot my happy little life i had with him and our two dogs hoping "one day he will see i'm good enough to be wife material". It's been 4 years living together! If he doesn't know by now he is wasting both our time right?
I have decided to be a happy person and take back control of my own happiness and life. I am moving back home, saving money, buying my own condo, and travel to and with the friends I want regardless of what he thinks of them. If he wants me back when he sees my happy amazing adventurous self that i know i am, he better get the ring out. If not, GOOD RIDDANCE! Next??? LOL Any response or opinions welcome
APPLAUSE! Good for you! You're absolutely right - you HAVE proven beyond a doubt how you will be in a marriage and he either takes it or leaves it. You can only give so many years before it just becomes ridiculous. The fact that he apparently didn't try to stop you is the icing on the cake. Congratulations on your new and exciting life!
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and that now i have to decide to uproot my happy little life i had with him and our two dogs hoping "one day he will see i'm good enough to be wife material". It's been 4 years living together! If he doesn't know by now he is wasting both our time right? 
