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When I was young and inexperienced (read, STUPID lol) I would have LOVED a place like this to come to for advice from more experienced and wiser folks.
I would have soaked up all the knowledge I could from posters like you and SeaOfGrass, Julia, cpg, Iknowftball, Rakin, Ruth, CSD610, PassTheChocolate or Zentropa.
When posters like those I've listed post it's genuinely to try to help folks looking for answers. Sadly, some posters don't really want advice or answers, yet they come back time and time again to report on their misery And yes, this can cause the best of us some frustration, or CDitus at times
When I was young and inexperienced (read, STUPID lol) I would have LOVED a place like this to come to for advice from more experienced and wiser folks.
I would have soaked up all the knowledge I could from posters like you and SeaOfGrass, Julia, cpg, Iknowftball, Rakin, Ruth, CSD610, PassTheChocolate or Zentropa.
When posters like those I've listed post it's genuinely to try to help folks looking for answers. Sadly, some posters don't really want advice or answers, yet they come back time and time again to report on their misery And yes, this can cause the best of us some frustration, or CDitus at times
Those posters you listed have been through the life ringer at some point.. I think that is something that young people don't get......
I think it's over and you haven't gotten the memo yet. Sorry!
Seriously, do you want to marry a guy you had to beg to propose? Or do you want to marry a man who wants you more than anything else in life? If you threaten to leave unless he proposes and he does...you will spend the rest of your life wondering.
You moved in, it's comfortable. Sounds like the passion is pretty much gone and this is a business deal. He has already tried on the marriage shoe and doesn't like it enough to go through with it.
If I was in your place, I would move out and date other people. I would want to find the love of my life. Not settle for some guy I have to beg to love me.
The 1950's are long gone. It's ridiculous to be judged by friends and family based on your marital status.
You are operating under the mistaken impression that all milk is worth buying, and it is not. I imagine he is comfortable when he is not being pestered about marriage. I also think he is aware that he falls into the "acceptable/meets standards" category.
Will buy a fabulous ring to impress shallow people: Check
Good provider: Check
Sperm donor: Check
Remembers to buy me things: Check
Will take the kids to practice and pick them up: Check
What is missing is "a spark," and he knows that. He is absolutely making the right decision.
OP:
A marriage is much more than dayton's check list.
Much more.
I would not want to be in this type of relationship much less this type of marriage.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I am hoping to get outside perspective on my situation.
I am a 28 year old female who is attractive, financially healthy, educated, loving, fun and kind.
I met my boyfriend 2 1/2 years ago while I was still in University. I didn't feel a spark at first but he was VERY attracted to me, was a good match (friends spoke highly of him, comes from a good family, has a great career, good with kids, etc...) and actively pursued me so I decided to give him a chance. I was very clear at the beginning that I didn't want to date for the sake of dating and I was looking for my future husband. I also expressed that I don't want to be a long term girlfriend because I have never found that attractive or desirable (I understand that it is what many people want and that's great, it's just not me.). Anyways, he understood and continued to pursue me.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years and we have progressed very well. We now live together (first time for both of us), have lots of good times and it's a comfy situation. However, I recently found out that he has NO PLANS to propose to me this year. Nothing. From a man who plans EVERYTHING and says he WANTS to marry me, this was very confusing. I brought it up and we got into a HUGE fight about it in which I almost moved out. His reason for postponing is that he wants the relationship to "stabilize", saying "A couple that's ready for marriage isn't one that will break up at the flip of a coin." However, I don't understand what else I can do but move out. I am very unhappy as a live in girlfriend (ESPECIALLY knowing he has no plans to propose this year). I don't think that I am rushing it because 3 1/2 years is a long time to date for me and I know that will be the MINIMUM.
I feel betrayed, confused and especially ... ANGRY. I keep trying to be fine with the situation and give him the time he needs but I feel angry ALL THE TIME. I only get married (hopefully) once and I don't want it to be after 4+ years of dating. I just don't and I couldn't have expressed my desire anymore clear from the beginning. So what is going on? How did this happen? If he didn't agree he should have said something! I don't want to throw away 2 1/2 years of what we've built but it is being eroded by my anger.
This is why moving in with a guy is almost always a bad idea. He has everything he needs in a relationship without actually having to make a long-term commitment. He could literally walk in one day and say, "I'm moving out" and that would be it.
At the same time, get rid of the anger. You helped create this situation. And being constantly angry at someone isn't exactly a sound basis for a future relationship.
Call him on his baloney. Either he's in or he's out. And then live up to your own threats.
This is why moving in with a guy is almost always a bad idea. He has everything he needs in a relationship without actually having to make a long-term commitment. He could literally walk in one day and say, "I'm moving out" and that would be it.
At the same time, get rid of the anger. You helped create this situation. And being constantly angry at someone isn't exactly a sound basis for a future relationship.
Call him on his baloney. Either he's in or he's out. And then live up to your own threats.
But why is that a bad thing? Why would you WANT to be in a relationship where the only thing keeping the person is fear of financial ruin? No wonder married men are fatter than single and live-in men... they simply don't care anymore. They can afford to take their partner for granted.
I don't know. I already said to her that he's not going to marry her if he hasn't yet. I've seen women be stuck in this delusion for 10+ years.
This is not uncommon in my family. My cousin was with her SO for 12 years before they got engaged and my aunt for 14 years before she got engaged. The main reason being that they didn't care if they ever got married.
But it's good for the OP to be aware that this happens. If she can stand to lose the man over not having the ceremony/piece of paper she wants on her timeline, then she should probably do so because she doesn't love him.
But why is that a bad thing? Why would you WANT to be in a relationship where the only thing keeping the person is fear of financial ruin? No wonder married men are fatter than single and live-in men... they simply don't care anymore. They can afford to take their partner for granted.
This is a bit of a non sequitur, for I don't read anything in the OP where financial considerations are part of the picture. Nor do I see anything in the post about men getting fact. It seems as if you have an agenda to inject where one isn't really required.
But why is that a bad thing? Why would you WANT to be in a relationship where the only thing keeping the person is fear of financial ruin? No wonder married men are fatter than single and live-in men... they simply don't care anymore. They can afford to take their partner for granted.
Many marriages are in a sad state of affairs. They're unhappy but stay because they have to.
But, I don't think this thread is about that. This guy does seem afraid of divorce though. I have never seen a single guy who has this fear ever get over it. Most of them never get married, but some of them get married and then harbor it (not to mention constantly let it be known to their wife) and then end up divorced anyway because the wife gets sick of him holding back and raising her anxiety.
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And yes, this can cause the best of us some frustration, or CDitus at times 
