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For the interim and then that "6" will eventually become a ".0001" when she figures she's not happy and made a mistake being with him.
In essence it sounds more like a "settling for" than anything else with her because she wants a marriage promise like pronto.
All in (or bust) and even those have no 100% guarantee of lasting imho.
Thanks for chiming in, this has been an interesting conversation with all sorts of perspectives I hadn't considered.
In response to your post: I believe that love can grow, it doesn't have to dissipate. I have two friends who are in arranged marriages and very happy. They entered it practically & rationally and have grown to love each other. They did see it as an arrangement (ie, they each had different roles they agreed to fulfill) but that was a benefit, and not a detriment in the long run. Spend time with someone and (if communication is good and resentments aren't held) we will grow to love them. That's how relationships are built, isn't it? We share moments and life experiences until we're so close we can't imagine life without each other. Having the spark is great and fun, but unfortunately I "feel the spark" for men who are not marriage-minded (another poster suggested this earlier and they were right). Though it's my nature to desire these men, on a deeper level I want something different. I want a man who treats me well and will make a great father even if it isn't "exciting" at first. That is more important to me than "the spark" and I want to honor and respect the "good guy" qualities in him (the very same qualities that may make him less exciting at first).
On the flip side: The only divorced couples I know were HEAD OVER HEELS for each other when they married.
Spend time with someone and (if communication is good and resentments aren't held) we will grow to love them. That's how relationships are built, isn't it?
Well, you're already in the negative category on this one, so ....
I want to be able to trust the man I marry to respect my desires for not wanting to be a long term girlfriend. We mutually decided to move in together and this should have no bearing on his respect for my desires. If living together somehow devalued me in his eyes, then he is not the man for me. Our cohabitation does not give him free reign to disregard my heart.
Seems to me like you have no respect for his desires or his heart. What he wants doesn't matter...you have a schedule to keep.
(Does he know that he's Mr. JustGoodEnough? Not very exciting?
Are you being honest with him?)
The OP seems to be getting her azz handed to her in this thread, hopefully she'll do some thinking and either commit more to the guy or leave him.
I wonder if the OP's bf is picking up on him being a second runner up and is that the reason he's dragging his feet. Only the OP can answer that question.
This thread does give some food for thought on the whole not moving in prior to marriage thing.
IDK, we moved in together fairly quickly, but marriage was never on the docket for us, it just wasn't in our radars, both of us, not just me.
IMO you need to tell him he needs to propose by a given date say 25December 2014. Let him know YOU have an expiration date & if he does not meet the deadline you are gone. Meanwhile stop sexing this man or if you do, do it in stages, oral today, vag, tomorrow, the back on Sunday never all 3 on the same day
IMO you need to tell him he needs to propose by a given date say 25December 2014. Let him know YOU have an expiration date & if he does not meet the deadline you are gone. Meanwhile stop sexing this man or if you do, do it in stages, oral today, vag, tomorrow, the back on Sunday never all 3 on the same day
Are you really a woman???
I've read several of your posts of the last yr or so and you sound like a 19 yr old dude.
This is bizarre advice actually... and has nothing to do with it, if the OP isn't happy in her relationship she probably wouldn't have sex anyways, but to list out the sex acts like you're ordering off a menu is bizarre thinking......
Seems to me like you have no respect for his desires or his heart. What he wants doesn't matter...you have a schedule to keep.
(Does he know that he's Mr. JustGoodEnough? Not very exciting?
Are you being honest with him?)
I originally wanted to get married at the 1 1/2 year mark but he needed more time and I listened to him, I wanted his needs to be met so I didn't press the issue and waited another year. I do value & respect his desires but not at the complete abandonment of my own.
I don't think that he is "Mr. JustGoodEnough". I admit he isn't exciting but I do not think I would be settling. Settling would be marrying a deadbeat or addict. Does he know my views on relationships? Yes, we have talked about it in depth on numerous occasions.
Yes, you should leave. He's never going to marry you.
He will if I wait. J*'s "Not the guy who'll promise you the world and not deliver." In his own words.
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