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I don't think you should break up but you should move out. I don't believe in playing house. Why be tied down playing wifey to a guy that isn't sure? Get your own place or go back to your parents house and let the relationship progress organically from there.
You seem really uptight and scheduled. Did you share this schedule with him?
My cousin told me a couple weeks after he met his now-wife that he had met "the one." Now, I don't believe in that, but I think he met a woman who is right for him. They were together for at least 4 years before they married, possibly even 5 or 6 - I can't remember. But he ALWAYS knew he would marry her. And they still took that long.
If I were you, I'd be more keyed up about the fact that he thinks the two of you could break up at the flip of a coin. That's telling me he sees some problems, and you'd better work on that before you start demanding marriage.
You seem really ticked that he's not following your plan. Well, maybe you should find out a little more about what HIS plan is.
While I agree 100%, I don't think you realize that marriage has always been about being pragmatic and about children. You sound a bit naive. Not every man marries Megan Fox either but it doesn't mean they don't want to. Everyone settles for "good enough"; don't reproach her for that. Remembering that your spouse is basically "good enough" gets you through the days where you want to chuck them through the window.
I'm only 24 so I guess I don't exactly know what marriage is all about, but the way she wrote her thread makes me think that this guy is below the standards she initially set for herself and she knows it.
In any case, what is the rush? Are you looking to get knocked up soon, or what?
If it's just about "marriage as a status symbol" then I'm sorry woman, but you're insufferable. What is so impressive about being a wife; you get to go through life being referred to as "the old ball and chain" and become a Peg Bundy trope ("Do I have to have sex with her?") And on top of that, studies show that he'll start helping out less around the house because that's "the wife's job." Married men also cheat more than live-in boyfriends.
It seems marriage is more important than a relationship to the op. That is not a good approach. I'm guess he sees that and wisely he won't propose. I'm guessing he can tell she isn't totally in love and just a semi viable option.
what's the urgency on marriage? Is it because you want kids? You're 28, not 48. And if you were serious about dating seriously and "looking for a future husband", you never should have moved in with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05
op:
If you are not happy with the way things are, then the two of you should take a break from each other.
Literally move out.
Do not contact him.
Do not respond to his contacting you if he does that.
It's social pressure. I wouldn't care if I lived in a vacuum, but I don't. There is social devaluation and disrespect that occurs because we've been dating 2 1/2 years and are not married. My parents are not happy and I've had to cut off an entire group of friends to date him this long. Which I was fine doing because I wanted to give him time but I don't think he is mutually reciprocating my sacrifices.
What a crock. There is no social pressure, theres only pressure you put on yourself. You WANT to be married. Its all about you and your feelings and what YOU want.
You made sacrifices? Oh please...because you supposedly cut off an entire group of friends who sound like worthless human beings anyway if they care if your married or not? Because your parents arent happy and you havent got the backbone to tell them its your life, not theirs?
Thank god this guy can see right through you. He has huge doubts about marrying you, for good reason.
I think the guy senses you only see him as the provider as opposed to the man you truly want / wanted. I think the type of guys you want are the ones that have no plans to get married and enjoy keeping their options open.
So you have settled for the nice guy expecting him to marry you in a short amount of time because you believe you are better than him, out of his league and that he has less options. However, what you have discovered is despite this, he is still not marrying you and you are becoming impatient about it.
The guy senses you only see him for what he can provide, stability, children, someone to look after the aging parents. It appears you do not see him as a man but as some kind of utility. This is what he probably senses but on a more gut level rather than on a conscious level.
I don't think he is holding back because he likes the way things are, he is holding back because somewhere, something is picking up on the undertones of your behaviour towards him and your impatience has become something that has served to confirm what his gut instincts have been trying to tell him.
I don't think you love him, you love what he can provide. If you had the choice, you would go for the guy that excites you but you know full well those guys will not marry. If all of what I have just said is incorrect and completely untrue then I challenge you to show him this entire thread and all of the comments.
After all, a marriage must begin with full trust, mutual respect and openness right...
It seems marriage is more important than a relationship to the op. That is not a good approach. I'm guess he sees that and wisely he won't propose. I'm guessing he can tell she isn't totally in love and just a semi viable option.
OP:
You have to have a good relationship with your significant other before even thinking about marriage.
So the relationship is important.
No marriage will last that long without first having a good relationship.
Your post reminds me of a co-worker I had.
She was divorced with 2 young children.
She did not want her ex to provide child support because she wanted to do everything on her own.
But.. she was struggling. And at some point her mom fixed her up with a guy her age.
Supposedly the guy was being paid well by his employer. Her mom pushed her into marrying him.
I got the sense that she was not in love with him. She never talked about him in that way. She just loved the fact that he could provide for her and her 2 children.
She ended up marrying him in front of the Justice of the Peace around 9 years ago.
I think the guy senses you only see him as the provider as opposed to the man you truly want / wanted. I think the type of guys you want are the ones that have no plans to get married and enjoy keeping their options open.
So you have settled for the nice guy expecting him to marry you in a short amount of time because you believe you are better than him, out of his league and that he has less options. However, what you have discovered is despite this, he is still not marrying you and you are becoming impatient about it.
The guy senses you only see him for what he can provide, stability, children, someone to look after the aging parents. It appears you do not see him as a man but as some kind of utility. This is what he probably senses but on a more gut level rather than on a conscious level.
I don't think he is holding back because he likes the way things are, he is holding back because somewhere, something is picking up on the undertones of your behavior towards him and your impatience has become something that has served to confirm what his gut instincts have been trying to tell him.
I don't think you love him, you love what he can provide. If you had the choice, you would go for the guy that excites you but you know full well those guys will not marry. If all of what I have just said is incorrect and completely untrue then I challenge you to show him this entire thread and all of the comments.
After all, a marriage must begin with full trust, mutual respect and openness right...
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